2016- Make Resolutions that MATTER

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.

Saint Francis de Sales

I’m sick.  Throughout all of the Christmas celebrating this year and now into the New Year, I’ve been sick.  Not with anything earth shattering or noteworthy, but enough to elicit the question from family members and friends as to what’s going on that I’m “sick again”…..and enough to force to to reflect as to what is going on internally that I’m not able to bounce back and recover as quickly as I have in the past.

I know what happened.  In addition to all the working, baking, cooking, cleaning, wrapping, coordinating, card swapping, decorating, etc that comes with the holiday season…..my world around me has been off kilter with worry of my cousin’s health, worry of conflicts with my extended family, new revelations in my extended family and the wonderful and unknown changes forthcoming, renovating/expanding our home, and milestones presented to our family in 2016 with our first son graduating and going off to college.

Ok….most of the list is normal, right?  Right of passages, normal family drama/stress.  Difference for me this year, I think I forgot how to honor all of it and allow myself to feel all of it quietly and process it.  Rather, I began to feel myself overwhelmed and pushed it all down and subconsciously made the decision I’d deal with it all at a more convenient time.

Our minds/bodies do not work that way.  Whether we want to deal with something/s or not, internally we are still processing the information.  If we don’t allow outlets or methods for our minds/bodies to process the information, the result can be just what I’m experiencing over the past few weeks, or worse…..which is where I fortunately woke up and realized I need to walk the walk and talk the talk and process in meaningful ways in 2016 so I don’t continue on the merry-go-round to nowhere that I typically prefer to avoid.

• New Year’s Day, instead of stating you are going on a diet to regain your “pre baby” or “fighting” weight…..try making healthy food choices DAILY that actually  resemble whole foods in their natural state.  By eating foods in the form that nature intended, over time YOU WILL lose weight, and not only will you feel better, you will maintain it by making small, consistent changes over time.
• New Year’s Day, instead of making the decision to start going to the gym every single day, working out for at least an hour only skipping for a death in the family or a national crisis…..try making the decision to be active every single day in some form and find an exercise you LOVE.  Studies show people are more likely to exercise when people find something they enjoy doing.  So walk, run, practice yoga….but whatever you do, find something you ENJOY!
• New Year’s Day, instead of complaining that your life isn’t how you want it to be, make a conscious decision to plan for 2016 to be different,and in what ways.

Client walks into my office last week.  Plops down on the couch and begins discussion, much the way it has been over past year…..lamenting over not having a girlfriend, not feeling good enough…when I asked him how long he thought he had been seeing me….this is how the conversation went….more of less….

“So ‘Mark’, we’ve been meeting for awhile now and the concerns you’ve been talking about have been the same each time we meet.  Any idea how long we’ve been meeting?”

“um, I don’t know…maybe 6 months or so?”

“Actually….it was one year ago last week.”

Silence………….for awhile……….

“what do you think about the fact that we’ve been meeting a year, about the same stuff?”

Quiet…..”I don’t want to be talking about this same stuff in another year.”

“Ok…..well then you need to make a plan to do things differently in 2016 if you want your life to be different.”

SIMPLE. RIGHT?

Truth is, most of us WANT our life to be different, but do very little to make a plan for it to be otherwise.

1. Want to spend time every day meditating?  You actually HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND MEDITATE.  You don’t get points in life for just having the desire.
2. Want to start a new business or change jobs?  You actually HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND MAKE A PLAN AND WORK THE PLAN. You don’t get points in life for having fleeting thoughts or unfinished work on your plan.
3. Want to focus on exercise and food and a lifestyle that you feel good in living?  You actually HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND DECIDE WHAT CHANGES YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE AND MAKE THEM. You don’t get points in life for mere intentions.
4. Want to make a real difference in the world?  You actually HAVE TO CHOOSE A CHARITY (OR A FEW) TO COMMIT TIME/ENERGY/MONEY/TALENTS TO AND START TODAY! You don’t get points in life for just re-posting someone else’s “go fund me” page.
5. Want to connect to your “higher power?” You actually HAVE TO COMMIT TO FINDING A COMMUNITY & ATTEND SERVICES/STUDIES/MASS/TEMPLE/ETC.  You don’t get points for just thinking about wanting to commit to a more spiritual life.

People who are happy in life aren’t happy by chance.  Happiness is a choice.  Decide, TODAY, you want to live a happy life and make resolutions that MATTER, supporting YOUR envisioned life.

 

 

So perhaps instead of spending the entire day or weekend watching football games of teams from schools you didn’t attend or have zero vested interest in whether they win/lose (unless you truly enjoy doing all weekend long), you might decide to spend sometime planning your 2016 with doable, achievable, measurable steps towards a life truly worth living, filled with small, attainable or perhaps even large, stretch resolutions that truly MATTER! Not only to you, but to those who surround the world around you.

Peace and happy New Year to all who this post may find.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peace all begins in the journey with self…..

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace.  One must believe in it.  And it isn’t enough to believe in it.  One must work at it.” Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve had an ongoing discussion recently with a friend of mine regarding “why peace?” Why is it so important to me?  When did it start?  I’m not of the “hippie” generation, thus to be younger and fully embrace the concept isn’t commonplace for my Gen X peeps. And for me, it isn’t as much about wanting to state that I’m anti-war, though really, aren’t we all?  Well may be not the companies who produce the weapons that soldiers use in war, but overall, wouldn’t most of us state that we ‘want’ peace?

For me, it’s much more about a deep, introspective journey with self.  Trying, daily, to find my path, and live my life more simply, more fully, to where the stressors of life bother me less, and my ability to be content becomes more of a reality rather than an aspiration of mine.

So where did it start?  Amidst of the chaos of my life somewhere in raising children, trying to be a good wife, battling issues with my own self esteem and body image, trying to figure out what I was really meant to be doing in life, dealing with hurts from friends/family, heartache over losing friends/family members to cancer and other devastating illnesses, financial burdens and uncertainties…somewhere in there….I started the journey.

I state journey…because it is just that.  A journey.  I’m curious to learn how some view me.  I understand and am fully cognizant of my own personal journey, sometimes dark and morose, but forget that I’ve come such a long way and the person I once was- the person filled with self-doubt and insecurities, isn’t the person I am today (most days).  I forget that while most may see me as this calm, peaceful, steady and compassionate person, I wasn’t always that way.  There are days in clinical practice, or with my un-official therapeutic conversations with my running friends that I need to remind both myself and the others around me while I really am calm, peaceful, steady and compassionate now, it is something I continue to work at daily.

So it made me think about the concept of working at something that matters.  Why do so many in our world fail to understand the concept of working towards what matters to us?  When did we lose the value or concept of “work”?  When did people start to think that a “happy/peaceful life” should be just handed to them without having to actually work for it?

“Nothing will work unless you do.” Maya Angelou. 

So my advice to people, both clinically and personally, if one wants to have a peaceful/happy life, one needs to work for it.  Daily.

• Decide what’s important in you life.
• Eliminate what no longer suits you.
• Focus on service to others.
• Find an exercise to do daily (ideally) to process your excess stress/energy
• Spend time daily in prayer or mediation.  Daily.
• Take care of your body.  Eat what nourishes you, not always what is easy and available.
• Practice a mindset of gratitude.
• Never give up finding your own path…..

I remember reading somewhere that it matters less what happens in our life and more what we choose to do with it.  We could all give up and become bitter and resentful and angry for the myriad of hardships or disservice we experience in life….or we could choose to practice finding peace and happiness for the many gifts, wonders, beauties, and joys in life.

Want to guess which choice I’m making today?

Peace……in your journey today and always…..