I remember being an adolescent and wanting nothing more than to fit in. I thought if I looked like everyone else, then surely the other kids would like me and if they liked me, I’d be happy.
By the time I was in 4th grade, I had already been living in 4 different cities, and had attended 3 different schools. I was shy, felt socially awkward, and wanted desperately to be like “everyone else.” I wanted Jordache jeans (dates me), feathered hair, and leg warmers. I wanted to feel like I belonged.
Well….my Mom and Dad wouldn’t buy me Jordache jeans, I have a pretty prominent widow’s peak in my hair (thus feathering is NOT a good look) and lets just say my calves don’t need additional padding (I should’ve been a soccer player with my strong calf muscles)…… and I certainly did not EVER feel like I fit in or was like everyone else. And looking back, I know I wasn’t happy. But was it because of what others saw in me or what I saw in myself?
When there are billions of people on our planet, why do we want to look like or be like everyone else?
I struggled in my teen years. Also attending 3 different high schools, and continuing to feel like I didn’t fit in with my peers. I remember hearing my parents say I didn’t fit in because I “chose to” not fit in. At the time, I didn’t understand what they meant….but soon, it began to make sense to me.
By the time I went to college, I began to find myself. Finally….I began to see who I was and who I wanted to be. I loved that time of life- dedicated to learning, experimenting, and living life to the fullest!
I started to no longer care that others thought about me, and became more focused on what I thought about ME. Not in a narcissistic, self consumed sort of way, rather a conscious movement towards trying to live a more authentic life. I began to embrace my short stature and accepted the fact that palazzo pants would never, ever look good on me no matter how “in style” they were. I let go of wanting to have the “it” hair style that matched my age/stage, and chose to focus on having that reflected my free-flowing spirit that lay beneath the exterior that is visible to others. And instead of covering up body parts which made me feel insecure, I focused on celebrating the strong, healthy body I had rather than mourn over the body that could never be.
So where does that transformation come from in a person? When people see me in my adult self, I’m aware my insecurities don’t appear pronounced, and I credit that much to internal work on self. I worked at it, and still do, daily.
When clients come to me for therapy, unhappy with their lives, they often initially want a quick fix to make it better….They want the magic wand I quickly profess I do not possess. My response is usually the same…..”So I hear you saying you want your life to be different. What are you doing differently to have a ‘different life’?”
Silence……
Much like my metamorphosis to move from the insecure, painfully shy and ashamed of who I am adolescent and teenage self to the strong, confident and spirited person I like to think of myself as being today, I too have had to work to change my thoughts/perspectives and see things differently in order for them to actually be different.
How?
Find what makes you happy, rather than trying to mold yourself to someone else’s ideal. I LOVE writing. Sorta a nerdy thing, but I could spend all day/night writing….it makes me happy. So who cares?
Find some movement in your day, every day. Dance. Swim. Hike. Climb. Do something! I’m a long distance runner (long should also refer to how long it takes me to run long distances….laughing) and started yoga 7 months ago. I’m not necessarily talented at either of them, but love how happy doing them makes me. So who cares?
Find your own style. Preppy. Hippy. Conservative. Whatever it is, find what makes you feel like your true inner self is being expressed and in congruence with your inner self. True beauty comes when our inner and outer self meet in harmony. I wear flip-flops and for as long as I can tolerate in our colder Midwest climate. Even if others don’t think it looks “fashionable”, I like them and it makes me happy. So who cares?
Letting go of feeling like you have to be perfect, and embracing all of our idiosyncracies is what makes us different and truly makes our world beautiful.
P!NK says it very nicely here…..(explicit lyrics, warning)
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Peace and happy finding your uniqueness today!
peaceinthejourney 