Last week I had the great opportunity to meet with a junior in High School for “career day,” discussing what I call my “day job” as a clinical social worker/therapist.
I found myself bubbling over with enthusiasm because I really LOVE my job! I was able to discuss with confidence the industry, and pros/cons and realize it is the security and stability of doing a job for 20+ years that affords one this ability to discuss with such ease. I don’t worry about whether or not I’m a good therapist or filling my caseload because I have had years to work on being the best therapist I can be and am in an environment that supports my growth in the field. The known feels all warm and comfortable and fabulous! For many, it may seem like “enough”…but my curiosity and slightly anxious energy has long known while I LOVE what I do every single day, this isn’t my only or end path…there is more out there….almost on cue she says….
“oh I heard you are also doing something else ‘online’ and wondering what that is all about”….
(Ok…it wasn’t exactly like that but something close to it)
With the pride of a new momma showing off her new-born child (ok, ok, slightly dramatic?), I opened up my laptop and showed her my to-be-launched online program, designed to help women live more peaceful & happy lives, by combining mind/body/spirit and a commitment to service. I scrolled through the website, talking about the concept and the origin and the how I developed the program ….and it was then that she complemented me on the said she hoped it worked out and good luck! For a moment I thought….
OMG! Wait, what? What if Strong Peaceful Women fails? I don’t have another back up plan for my non-day job! And really, so many people know I’m doing this! What if I fail?
I sat for a moment….and then this came to me….
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter if it fails. It doesn’t! Yes, I hope that it is succeeds because I and my business coach have put SO much time into it….& really putting your “stuff” out into the world can be really freaking scary!
When I started writing this blog a few years back, I was terrified! I was somewhat obsessed with what it meant if only a few people read/like it, and for a while was more connected to the external approval than my internal need/desire to write. Then…at some point, I remembered why I started writing (because I love it!) and my consistent practice of writing was enough. Getting my messages out, and practicing being vulnerable and having the courage to write about very personal struggles and the way I work through them and help clients to do in clinical practice, was enough.
I was scared when I left my position as a director in a non-profit to be a full-time clinical social worker. I was scared to leave the security of a regular pay check and paid vacation & the comfort of knowing what I was doing after doing a job for over a decade. I questioned my decision in the beginning….until I stopped focusing on what others thought I should be doing, and focused on what I wanted to do with my career. I love the freedom to practice how I intuitively believe is effective for my clients and to create my own schedule and explore writing and story telling and researching the concept of peace…and the practice of what I do became enough. Having a title of “Director” didn’t matter as much as doing the work that I felt I was called to do.
So if the universe isn’t ready for Strong Peaceful Women, if the message somehow doesn’t resonate via the internet, if what I do in clinical practice in the privacy of my office doesn’t translate over a web-based program, then it doesn’t……
It doesn’t matter.
When we remove ourselves from the need to control the outcome, and focus more on being the absolute best we possibly can at what we do, that is enough. If you know/like Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters…he explains it in this link absolutely perfect (with a whole lotta expletives!!!)
The fear of the unknown can be paralyzing if we let it. I’m finally at a point in my life where I refuse to let fear prevent me from living. Not just like “oh yeah, I’m taking another breath so I guess I’m living” type of living… I mean
PUSHING MYSELF OUT INTO THE WORLD AND EMBRACING/DOING/EXPLORING/THINKING/SEEING/LOVING/EXPERIMENTING IN EVERY SINGLE WAY POSSIBLE!
What if tomorrow never comes for me, I mean it can happen, right? We all know stories like that, and what if I had this “idea” to develop what I think is the BEST comprehensive wellness based program for women but I played it “safe” and just let it stay in the safety of my thoughts? What good is that? I’ve never heard anyone say on their death-bed “Wow, I wish I would’ve played it safe more in my life!”
Years and years ago…..I dreamt of backpacking around Europe before I got a “real” job……
A master’s degree, 3 jobs, 2 kids, numerous cats, dog, 2 houses….and many many other events ago. And I never did it. The fear & life got in the way……
Here is to no more “back packing around Europe” regrets!
So I’ve put everything I possibly can into this program and believe with all that I am that it is amazing and can be life changing for women….
and if it fails to go “viral”……I will be no less proud for having the courage to do it!
So what are you thinking about doing? Do you have the next “paper clip” or “white out” or “ornamental things you put on crock sandals” things inside of you just waiting to be discovered?
Get out there & do it!
Peace……
peaceinthejourney 