Ban on assault weapons isn’t enough to heal the human race.

I support the banning of assault weapons, and the accessories that allow semi-automatic weapons to be turned into fully automatic weapons.  In mid-term elections, I will support candidates who align with my values/morals & beliefs, and do my part to vote out those who do not.  

Phew…. couldn’t type that fast enough in case some were wondering if I, a peace practitioner, my newly-minted title I am playing around with today, had switched sides.

I’ve never understood guns as a means to protect and keep peace.  Guns- hurt & kill.  And as we who study peace, happiness, love, and ways to promote healing in our people/society/culture/world know to be true…the only path to healing hate/anger/hurt is love.  Love is the way.  

Spur of the moment, I decided to go to “1” day of the 41st annual Psychotherapy Networker Conference in DC- mostly because it coincided with the March for Our Lives rally.  There was a moment when it all became clear- personally & professionally why I was there.  Why the stars aligned.  Why I advocated for myself to attend.  How connected these two days were for me.  It was as if every single one of the moments leading up to my leaving- including a retreat with my son’s 10th grade class- was necessary for that “wow” moment to be full realized in my heart/soul.

In a very large auditorium, I listened & participated in some emotionally uncomfortable exercises with the wise & beautiful spirit of Jack Kornfield & the energetic, confrontational, & motivational Tony Robbins.

Have you ever had that moment in your life when you exhaled and thought, yeah….I’m ready for this change, whatever it is, to begin within me?  

Both uncomfortable and resistant forces can rise up to meet this opportunity, pushing it away for another day, another time, another..another that may never happen.

Attending the March, with these courageous & outspoken children/teens…..the harsh reality of “another…..” possibly never happening was hammered home again and again and again.  You might not have another time.

And so…. with slight apprehension, I sat in that auditorium and took a series of deep breaths, allowing whatever was to happen, whatever messages needed to be presented, whatever path needed to unfold in front of me to present themselves.  With brilliant clarity, the recurring theme ~ I saw it.

Ok, not in its entirety- but I know my reason on this earth, is to not only practice & live peace & love in my own life, but to teach others to do so too.  It’s both bigger and smaller all at the same time to what I am already doing.  Smaller in its simplicity but BIGGER in the mission- in my willingness to allow a bigger plan to unfold even if that makes me less invisible, less nameless, less reclusive, less ….less…less.  It’s EASY for me to write.  Both genetics and really great teachers along the way have helped me to learn to express my thoughts through words, but it’s not enough.  It became clear, through the workshops at the conference and the speeches at the March, there is a bigger purpose.

Peace & Love is ALWAYS the answer.  What are the gang members & mass shooters and most violent criminals of the world missing?  If they are not pervasively mentally ill, and many are not, what is missing?  Do they know how to love & find peace in themselves? Do you?  Do they know how to forgive others and the gift it is the PERSON FORGIVING (Not the forgiven)?  Do you?  Do they know there are other ways to resolve conflict rather than resort to violence and firearms?  Do you?  Do they know the power of meditation, of breath work, of exercise, of volunteering and serving others?  Do you?  Do they know that love and peace and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but rather healing forces available to ANY person who takes time to choose to listen, to learn, to use them?  Do you?

I don’t have all the answers….YET….and actually am certain I won’t have all of them until I take my very last breath and in my belief, am united with all who have come before me- only then will I truly understand the complexities of this earthly life.

However, acknowledging I don’t have all the answers DOES NOT mean I give up and accept the status quo of increasing gun violence, increasing suicidal ideation/attempts/and completions, domestic violence, terrorism, mass shootings, and crimes against our most vulnerable in our world.  It DOES NOT mean I accept trite rhetoric that perpetuates a cultural acceptance of no reasonable solutions or no hope for peace.  Don’t our kids and teens and people of our country and world deserve a minimum to go to places of worship or clubs or schools or concerts and at a minimum not have to worry they will be mowed down by a mass shooter?

If you CHOOSE to study peace & happiness….listen to podcasts, watch documentaries, read, seek….you WILL find there are places in our world that DO NOT have violence like our country.  While many, when asked, will quite readily state money and fame or status correlate to happiness (and peace) and in fact, they would be absolutely categorically wrong.  There is absolutely no correlation.  However, two themes that do closely correlate to happiness & peace are:  a strong connection with others in their community, and purpose/passion for something larger than themselves in life.  We CAN make a difference in our society and culture and country and world…..the question is…. are our actions/laws/intentions supporting an environment of peace & happiness, or one of hatred/conflict?

A later date…I will follow-up on my research for what truly makes people happy…. but in the meantime, if you like me want to continue to learn ways to feel empowered in what is a scary and troublesome time in our history….here are some suggestions for what you CAN do:

• Continue this conversation.  Especially with those who disagree with you.  It is not enough to surround yourself with like-minded people, we need to be courageous and have uncomfortable conversations.  Our future depends on it!
• Vote!  And encourage young adults to register and to VOTE!  It is estimated 22,000,000 “18 year olds” will be eligible to vote in the midterm elections.  Still think teens can’t be a force for change in our world?
• Seek- never stop seeking ways to find inner peace and spread what you learn with others.  Read intentionally, watch with curiosity people, events, stories around you.
• Meditate/pray often and much.  And teach others how to do so.
• Share this blog with others who might need to feel some hope and love and peace in their day.

Wishing you peace in your journey…now and always.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Best Graduation Advice Ever!

I had the honor to celebrate my son’s graduation from high school with 65 other kids & their families/friends.   After an emotionally and physically grueling day, filled with an Honor’s ceremony, dinner with family, a beautiful baccalaureate mass, a touching graduation ceremony, and ending with an all “Knight” party we chaperoned, I was able to reflect on what an honor it has been to witness my son’s past 18 years of life.  I feel blessed to say I not only “love” my son, I really “like” the young man he has grown into being.

There are so many things, as parents, we want to teach and tell and instill and drill into our kids.  How many times when they are really young do we find ourselves saying the following?

• Wash your hands.
• Say your prayers.
• Brush your teeth.
• Look both ways before you cross the road.
• Wear a helmet.
• Say please and thank you.
• Eat your veggies & Yes, I know they don’t taste like chocolate .
• Don’t text and drive.

We all want them to study hard.  Play hard.  Push themselves without overdoing it.  We all want them to, on some level I think, be more than we are.  To achieve more.  As much as we try, our own doubts and insecurities and regrets someone seep into our parenting, and without checking….we can place our own “wants” onto our kids without really allowing them one huge lesson we all NEED them to learn…..

To make the best life decisions for their life.  For their own happiness.  For their own path. It’s a struggle, to trust they were listening all those times we thought they were tuning us out.

So I was reflecting on the “advice” I still want to give my son before he leaves for college in less than 2 months.  Then, a dear friend of mine shared this song.  And it clicked…..

 

Humble and Kind.  That is the BEST graduation advice (and life advice) EVER!   Isn’t this what we really want for our kids? We all really know they are GREAT!  And they’re probably capable of WAY more than we or they can even see at this point.  But more than anything, what really matters is our character- and I so want my sons to remember these words….always…always be humble and kind.

Sure….son/s, I want you to

• Study really really hard because this is your “job” for the next 4+ years.
• Eat healthy because I’m paying for you to have access to really healthy and somewhat decent food.
• Make friends who invest in you as much as you do in them.
• Exercise, because college and transitions of any type can be stressful and exercise is PROVEN to help release that energy.  And no, I didn’t make that up…it really really does just what I’m saying and YES, I can show you the research if needed.
• Go to CHURCH.  13 years of Catholic schools, and now a Catholic university, Yes, faith is important to me and I want you to go while you are away.  And if you stray from your faith, know I will pray God helps guide you back……. gently or not so gently. Hey, it’s important!
• Be careful and thoughtful in your decisions.  “what would mom do?” might help guide you.  Just saying…. 
• Visit.
• Grow.
• Travel.
• Pay your bills.
• Volunteer.
• Love until it hurts.
• Study poetry & literature.  Just because it’s awesome!
• Facetime your mom, just so I can see you are ok.

And probably countless others tidbits, but really….if you practice being humble and kind, I am sure all of the others will fall into place naturally.

Watching these 66 kids together after graduation, this is EXACTLY what I saw.  Humble and kind.  Sure, some are uber athletic, while others are almost freakishly smart & academically off the charts…..some are talented musicians and singers and dancers and actors, while others are gifted artists.  Some are shy, some are gregarious.  Some are funny, while some are serious.  But for the past 13 years, and in witnessing the 6 hours of the All “Knight” Party…with all of their differences, they were truly one big group of humble and kind young adults.  And I hope they never forget that is part of who you are.

Many are sooooooo ready to leave for college.  Many are going far far away and some have said they won’t come back.  Maybe?  But this bond that they have all created is something that can transcend time and space.

I graduated from college (I went to 3 different highschools so this is the closest frame of reference I have) over 2 decades ago.  Some of my friends I saw every day for nearly 4 years.  Then….we graduated and moved on and went to grad school or med school or got married or had kids or got divorces or….. life happened.  And many of us lost touch.

But when needed, these same friends have pulled together to have some somewhat last minute weekends of gabbing and wine, supported each other in the tragic loss of 2 friends,  celebrated in the acceptance of our children to college, listened as some were debating on  switching career paths, cheered on my husband in his first (and only) Ironman competition, sat through cheer competitions even if we didn’t have our own kids in the competition….and though time and space for a few moments seemed to separate us….when needed, we pulled together like family.  That friendship that was rooted over 2 decades ago in the countless sorority meetings or volunteer projects or socials or cramming for exams together or late night runs to get shock tarts and diet dr pepper….. bonded us.

So my advice…..keep it simple to these two things (to start)…..

Always…..always be humble and kind.  

And if you need a friend…..know you have many, many out there so please…in honor of those who were too afraid or too ashamed or didn’t know how or too tired or in pain to ask for help, please do.  Often and much.  The world needs ALL of you to shine in whatever way you are meant to shine.  And if you feel the glitter fading……and you feel you maybe you have lost your way for a moment or two…… remember you have family and friends here for you whether you are the future President of the United States, the doctor who finally finds a cure for cancer, the advocate who finally brings peace to the world or perhaps may be someone may be with less accolades to his/her name….know no matter who you are or who you become….you are loved.  

Peace….and congrats to Graduates of 2016!  Go and take on the World!  Or sit and contemplate awhile…it’s all good.