Enlightenment? More than coming out of the darkness.

 

Do you ever have themes recur in your life?  Words.  Phrases. Thoughts.  Images.

Enlightenment has been my theme lately.  In discussion with a friend, on the recurrence of this theme and it’s meaning, I suggested enlightenment comes both with age and experience, much like wisdom.  May be it’s a pay off for the aging process that can be less than kind at times?

I recalled being in my early 20s, working as a social worker with families in their homes.  My clients all had multiple presenting issues including but not limited to neglect, allegations of abuse, socioeconomic disparities, and …the list goes on.  I was a 20something, white, tiny female who grew up in the suburbs and went to a private college.  I had no children, wasn’t married, and certainly had very little “life” experience to offer families I was paid to serve.  When I recall those days, I feel humbled thinking how generous they were in accepting what pitiful advice I had to offer them.  I think of some of my most challenging families, wondering if I had the opportunity to work with them now, what advice or tools or techniques or skills could I offer?

I’m going to be 45, soon.  Not soon in some abstract sense but soon as in a few months!  I feel like I look pretty decent for what “45” is in my mind, and have in my lifetime made efforts to take care of this one earthly body I have been given.  I am also proud of the years of experience I have on this planet.

• I know through my nearly 45 years I’ve loved deeply and hurt deeply from loss of loved ones, thus I feel I am empathic in working with others who are hurting, regardless of reason.  True love for another living being is eternal and universal.  It’s spiritual, for me, more than emotional.  It’s something I do, not something I feel.
• I’ve worked really hard to get my Master’s Degree and to become a clinical social worker, and value what it takes to achieve a goal.  I continue to work to eliminate “I can’t” from my vocabulary and encourage others to do so.  We never know what we are capable of in life, until we push beyond our limits.  Now…that does not mean I will ever swim with sharks, there is a difference between “I can’t” and “I won’t”….. C’mon!
• I’ve learned to let go of my attachments to things.  Car.  House.  Clothing.  Shoes (ok, may be shoes are an exception.) Things can always be replaced.  And shouldn’t define who we are.  EVER.  It makes you no less or more valuable because you can purchase what you want in life, rather than what you need.  While we may want many things in life, I’ve found focusing on what I need serves me better at keeping me humble, and making me feel appreciative of all that I don’t “need” in life.  There’s always, always, always someone worse off……so in times of despair, I try to remember…..
• 

• I believe in the power of prayer, the benefits of a positive attitude, the peace found in meditation and the energy found through listening to a child giggle or a conversation with a dog.  While there are many things in life we cannot control, every single one of these costs me NOTHING yet is PRICELESS.
• I assert all people are flawed.  We accept them, or we don’t.  That simple.

I so wish I would’ve known what I do at almost 45, at 22.  But like wisdom, for me, enlightenment has come through letting go of what I thought to be true and allowing what might be to shine through.  It’s spending time contemplating life and death, and realizing how small we all really are in life.  It’s reaching out, and centering within.  It’s realizing some may choose to not want to be my friend, my “Facebook” friend, my …….and at nearly 45 I’m more than ok with it, I surround myself with people I love and love enough to let go of those I need to in life so we both can grow.

It’s finding peace in one’s journey……for me, that’s all it has ever been.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed, for any of us.  Why do we think it is? It makes today matter, but not in an OMG I better start checking off my bucket list sort of attitude.  Really, who could sustain that energy?  It’s a “don’t waste time on stuff or people or things or ….that doesn’t bring you happiness” every. single. time. you have control over choosing. Key- every time you have the choice.  Clearly there are work meetings or family/friend obligations we’d rather not attend, but our life does necessitate we go anyway.  However, when given a choice….do you want to spend time in the rat race of life…..or on living a life filled with peace and happiness?

Wishing you peace..and happiness in your journey today, and always…..wherever that road may take you today or tomorrow or ……and if you spent time reading and thinking about my words until the very end today, I am grateful.

Peace…….

 

 

 

 

Peace all begins in the journey with self…..

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace.  One must believe in it.  And it isn’t enough to believe in it.  One must work at it.” Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve had an ongoing discussion recently with a friend of mine regarding “why peace?” Why is it so important to me?  When did it start?  I’m not of the “hippie” generation, thus to be younger and fully embrace the concept isn’t commonplace for my Gen X peeps. And for me, it isn’t as much about wanting to state that I’m anti-war, though really, aren’t we all?  Well may be not the companies who produce the weapons that soldiers use in war, but overall, wouldn’t most of us state that we ‘want’ peace?

For me, it’s much more about a deep, introspective journey with self.  Trying, daily, to find my path, and live my life more simply, more fully, to where the stressors of life bother me less, and my ability to be content becomes more of a reality rather than an aspiration of mine.

So where did it start?  Amidst of the chaos of my life somewhere in raising children, trying to be a good wife, battling issues with my own self esteem and body image, trying to figure out what I was really meant to be doing in life, dealing with hurts from friends/family, heartache over losing friends/family members to cancer and other devastating illnesses, financial burdens and uncertainties…somewhere in there….I started the journey.

I state journey…because it is just that.  A journey.  I’m curious to learn how some view me.  I understand and am fully cognizant of my own personal journey, sometimes dark and morose, but forget that I’ve come such a long way and the person I once was- the person filled with self-doubt and insecurities, isn’t the person I am today (most days).  I forget that while most may see me as this calm, peaceful, steady and compassionate person, I wasn’t always that way.  There are days in clinical practice, or with my un-official therapeutic conversations with my running friends that I need to remind both myself and the others around me while I really am calm, peaceful, steady and compassionate now, it is something I continue to work at daily.

So it made me think about the concept of working at something that matters.  Why do so many in our world fail to understand the concept of working towards what matters to us?  When did we lose the value or concept of “work”?  When did people start to think that a “happy/peaceful life” should be just handed to them without having to actually work for it?

“Nothing will work unless you do.” Maya Angelou. 

So my advice to people, both clinically and personally, if one wants to have a peaceful/happy life, one needs to work for it.  Daily.

• Decide what’s important in you life.
• Eliminate what no longer suits you.
• Focus on service to others.
• Find an exercise to do daily (ideally) to process your excess stress/energy
• Spend time daily in prayer or mediation.  Daily.
• Take care of your body.  Eat what nourishes you, not always what is easy and available.
• Practice a mindset of gratitude.
• Never give up finding your own path…..

I remember reading somewhere that it matters less what happens in our life and more what we choose to do with it.  We could all give up and become bitter and resentful and angry for the myriad of hardships or disservice we experience in life….or we could choose to practice finding peace and happiness for the many gifts, wonders, beauties, and joys in life.

Want to guess which choice I’m making today?

Peace……in your journey today and always…..