In 2 months, I have written in my blog twice. While I am still writing in other necessary forums, my focus on this has been minimal. A fact that is disconcerting to me on many levels. From the onset of this blog, this was a place for me to not only share with others my personal journey towards peace, but a way for me to process my barriers or challenges in my journey. It is both altruistic and personally cathartic. Perhaps someday it will just be for altruistic reasons, perhaps when I reach nirvana?
No. Not “that” Nirvana….
I sat down in meditation today, made myself sit down in meditation to start my week off as I had been promising I’d do for weeks. Accompanied by my trusty companion, Layla the Wonderdog, I sat in quiet as I re-set for my commitment to incorporate meditation into my daily practice. At first my thoughts were wild, a dancing tapestry of to-do’s, worries, regrets, must accomplish and wishes…..until my breathing and my mantra for but a few brief moments quieted the nonsense that erodes at my ambition & peace. For a few moments, I could see in my mind the unnecessary debris floating away from me, off into the distance. Like the last autumn leaves breaking free from their grounded earthly form, they were peeling away and traveling onward with the wind. For a brief moment, I felt that peace I had been searching for within for months.
Now. To be fair….I say “searching” yet I really wasn’t doing anything to “find” it. Sure. I have been entrenched in my oldest son leaving for college and all that has accompanied his journey thus far. Yes. I have been forced to recognize my younger son is no longer the adoring and devoted toddler who once did adorn my hip, but rather the now freshmen in high school who is much more likely to “tolerate me” rather than “adore me.” And Yep…I did decide it was time to remodel our home a bit, after over a decade of adolescent and teenage traffic scuffing up our floors, walls, carpets, furniture….all awhile making it absolutely stunning in its madness……And yes…I could go on….because quite frankly…..
WE all have STUFF. ALL THE TIME. If we are waiting for the perfect time to start practicing self-care and/or yoga and/or running and/or healthy eating and/or spiritual practice and/or meditation and/or…… we are missing the point.
I discuss with clients at great length, regularly the importance of doing things differently if we want a different outcome.
Sometimes…..just sometimes….I forget that I am no different. Ok, I don’t “forget” but like everyone else, I want a short cut. I want it to be easy. I admit it. But as I reflect on my mood, on my focus, on my being truly present over the past month….I am humbled to admit I recognize I have not been my best because I have not committed to find my own peace, so I can spread it to others…..
Today started with 20 minutes of meditation. And a walk with Layla the Wonderdog. Tomorrow….what can you do?
Peace…..
peaceinthejourney 