Time to go beyond the “Reef.”

(image courtesy of Disney studios……My oldest son informed me one can get in trouble for not stating where they got images from on the internet.  Yikes!  Will do going forward…..)

Have you seen Moana?  I highly suggest!

(When I started writing this blog post, it was still in theaters and admittedly this has sat in draft form for almost 2 months….significant in many ways & related to this post.)

Moana.  A strong female lead, beautiful animation, a great story of going beyond our perceived limits to see who we are truly meant to be, and music by Lin-Manuel Miranda! (aka “Hamilton!”)  The night before my oldest returned for college after a very long winter break, we created a new “New Year’s Eve” tradition, and went to a movie & Chinese food.  I’m hooked.  Might be a must-do going forward.

Moana.  The tale of a young girl who is soon to be Chief of her tribe, learning to, literally and figuratively, go beyond the reef to discover who she really is meant to be.  Should she leave the comfort and ease of her Polynesian island life to see what else is out there for her, or stay where she is safe and she is surrounded by all people & things she knows and trusts?

When I first saw the movie, I was focused on the character of Moana & her struggle, but as I reflected on it (and listened to the soundtrack, as it’s amazing) I recognized the power of the duality of the message in the film:  Moana, pushing herself “beyond the reef” to find who she is really meant to be, & The Chief (her Dad) struggling to let her go……

How many of can relate to “Moana?” Searching for her path. Searching for more meaning.  Searching for purpose. Searching for things and people to challenge you and help you to grow?  All awhile acknowledging a desire for roots?  How many struggle with realization of visceral fear of settling in life versus really living life?

How many of can relate to “the Chief?” Fully aware of the duality of a parental role of raising children strong enough to let them go & confident in their ability to thrive, yet on a primal level terrified of launching them into the life unknown?  Sending both messages of Go! Explore! Challenge yourself! Yet….. Don’t go too far!  Don’t be reckless in your exploration!  And Be careful and take loving care of yourself as you meet challenges known and yet to reveal themselves to you?

Many times in my own life, when I see patterns of messages reveal themselves from a myriad of directions, as if the Universe is telling me “Wake up!  This message is for you!”  While my journey may be different from those whom I am hearing the “message” from, the core meaning behind the message is a Universal Truth.

No matter our age, no matter our status in life…..until the very last breath we take on this earth….our JOURNEY is still unfolding.  And we may resist, we may ignore, we may try to deny…or we may embrace and just BE in the moment and allow yourself to follow what we already inherently know in the depths of our soul.  It is in the realization, that we are free. It is in sometimes going “beyond our reef” where we find our true selves.  Whether we are Moana or Chief, we cannot know what we are capable of if we stay in safety, in self or those we love around us.

Easy, right?  Oh I remember, when I was young, I thought at my age, (45, gulp!) I’d have it all figured out.  I thought yep, this is the end of the journey and life just is.  How incredibly wrong and naive I was.  I don’t even know where that concept came from, truthfully, I just remember thinking the wonder and curiosity in life was something that you had as a young person, and clearly some old 45+ year old person was void of that curiosity and wonder and had a life and that was all it was.  NOW, that I am in that decrepit age group, I realize, life is a constant journey of wonder and curiosity, unless we forget that it is.  And perhaps we “forget” when we become so set on staying “Inside the REEF” that we forget there is an entire world beyond?

For those of you reading who have college age or beyond (or soon to be college age) kids, I assure you this is such an interesting space to be in.  Terrifying yet fascinating.  Beautiful yet wrought with such an unpredictable pattern of highs and lows no amount of preparation or parenting books will ever be able to prepare you for what it feels like….. Yet all awhile you are in this space, you TOO are actually that person you are watching go through his/her own exploration beyond the reef.  Why did no one tell us this?  That while we are watching our own children go through their journey, we TOO are STILL figuring out ours?

Ok, have I terrified all of you reading yet?  Especially those who may not have children or have young ones?  Let me leave with a few amazing thoughts I have learned through this part of life’s journey…..

• It’s truly ok and wonderful….even in the midst of uncertainty…. just being in the moment and realizing most of what we experience in life is truly temporary and life has a way of working itself out if we let it.  Just be patient.  And may be say a few prayers or offer up some positive energy along the way….
• Sharing your own journey is one of the most liberating thing in life to do.  Both with your kids (college ones especially) and others.  Vulnerability has the amazing power to bond us to others.
• Not having all the answers and seeing a clear path is ok.  Share that with your young ones.  It is in the unknowing that we truly learn to live and see our path!
• No one has it ALL figured out.  No one has a PERFECT life.  No one is totally CONFIDENT all the time.  And it is in our struggle that we see our own STRENGTH.
• Staying in your comfort zone, will never bring you the growth you are meant to experience.  In life, growth and progress is beyond that REEF, not within in.

 

Would love to hear where your journey beyond the reef, perhaps for you or your journey in parenthood, continues to take you…..

Peace…..

 

 

2016- Make Resolutions that MATTER

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.

Saint Francis de Sales

I’m sick.  Throughout all of the Christmas celebrating this year and now into the New Year, I’ve been sick.  Not with anything earth shattering or noteworthy, but enough to elicit the question from family members and friends as to what’s going on that I’m “sick again”…..and enough to force to to reflect as to what is going on internally that I’m not able to bounce back and recover as quickly as I have in the past.

I know what happened.  In addition to all the working, baking, cooking, cleaning, wrapping, coordinating, card swapping, decorating, etc that comes with the holiday season…..my world around me has been off kilter with worry of my cousin’s health, worry of conflicts with my extended family, new revelations in my extended family and the wonderful and unknown changes forthcoming, renovating/expanding our home, and milestones presented to our family in 2016 with our first son graduating and going off to college.

Ok….most of the list is normal, right?  Right of passages, normal family drama/stress.  Difference for me this year, I think I forgot how to honor all of it and allow myself to feel all of it quietly and process it.  Rather, I began to feel myself overwhelmed and pushed it all down and subconsciously made the decision I’d deal with it all at a more convenient time.

Our minds/bodies do not work that way.  Whether we want to deal with something/s or not, internally we are still processing the information.  If we don’t allow outlets or methods for our minds/bodies to process the information, the result can be just what I’m experiencing over the past few weeks, or worse…..which is where I fortunately woke up and realized I need to walk the walk and talk the talk and process in meaningful ways in 2016 so I don’t continue on the merry-go-round to nowhere that I typically prefer to avoid.

• New Year’s Day, instead of stating you are going on a diet to regain your “pre baby” or “fighting” weight…..try making healthy food choices DAILY that actually  resemble whole foods in their natural state.  By eating foods in the form that nature intended, over time YOU WILL lose weight, and not only will you feel better, you will maintain it by making small, consistent changes over time.
• New Year’s Day, instead of making the decision to start going to the gym every single day, working out for at least an hour only skipping for a death in the family or a national crisis…..try making the decision to be active every single day in some form and find an exercise you LOVE.  Studies show people are more likely to exercise when people find something they enjoy doing.  So walk, run, practice yoga….but whatever you do, find something you ENJOY!
• New Year’s Day, instead of complaining that your life isn’t how you want it to be, make a conscious decision to plan for 2016 to be different,and in what ways.

Client walks into my office last week.  Plops down on the couch and begins discussion, much the way it has been over past year…..lamenting over not having a girlfriend, not feeling good enough…when I asked him how long he thought he had been seeing me….this is how the conversation went….more of less….

“So ‘Mark’, we’ve been meeting for awhile now and the concerns you’ve been talking about have been the same each time we meet.  Any idea how long we’ve been meeting?”

“um, I don’t know…maybe 6 months or so?”

“Actually….it was one year ago last week.”

Silence………….for awhile……….

“what do you think about the fact that we’ve been meeting a year, about the same stuff?”

Quiet…..”I don’t want to be talking about this same stuff in another year.”

“Ok…..well then you need to make a plan to do things differently in 2016 if you want your life to be different.”

SIMPLE. RIGHT?

Truth is, most of us WANT our life to be different, but do very little to make a plan for it to be otherwise.

1. Want to spend time every day meditating?  You actually HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND MEDITATE.  You don’t get points in life for just having the desire.
2. Want to start a new business or change jobs?  You actually HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND MAKE A PLAN AND WORK THE PLAN. You don’t get points in life for having fleeting thoughts or unfinished work on your plan.
3. Want to focus on exercise and food and a lifestyle that you feel good in living?  You actually HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND DECIDE WHAT CHANGES YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE AND MAKE THEM. You don’t get points in life for mere intentions.
4. Want to make a real difference in the world?  You actually HAVE TO CHOOSE A CHARITY (OR A FEW) TO COMMIT TIME/ENERGY/MONEY/TALENTS TO AND START TODAY! You don’t get points in life for just re-posting someone else’s “go fund me” page.
5. Want to connect to your “higher power?” You actually HAVE TO COMMIT TO FINDING A COMMUNITY & ATTEND SERVICES/STUDIES/MASS/TEMPLE/ETC.  You don’t get points for just thinking about wanting to commit to a more spiritual life.

People who are happy in life aren’t happy by chance.  Happiness is a choice.  Decide, TODAY, you want to live a happy life and make resolutions that MATTER, supporting YOUR envisioned life.

 

 

So perhaps instead of spending the entire day or weekend watching football games of teams from schools you didn’t attend or have zero vested interest in whether they win/lose (unless you truly enjoy doing all weekend long), you might decide to spend sometime planning your 2016 with doable, achievable, measurable steps towards a life truly worth living, filled with small, attainable or perhaps even large, stretch resolutions that truly MATTER! Not only to you, but to those who surround the world around you.

Peace and happy New Year to all who this post may find.