The underlying framework with which I strive to live my life. It’s easy for me, possibly, as I sit in session with people throughout the week sharing their life story. I know, can attest, can share, everyone is fighting some sort of fight. Be kind.
Over the past week, I was able to watch some of the Republican debate with my oldest son, a fiercely independent thinking 17-year-old. From the very beginning, there were insults spewing out of the candidates mouths, attacking members from the opposing political parties, each other, and in some cases people who were not even involved in the debates. After a few moments, I found myself getting physically uncomfortable watching, no longer able to listen to what the candidates were saying and felt this deafening silence as all I could then hear was the ugliness of the messages they were unsuccessfully, in my humble opinion, able to convey. Is this what we want from our future “President?” Shouldn’t we be trying to aspire to have him/her be better than what we were witnessing?
This is not meant as a Republican vs. Democrat debate. If you have read my blogs before, you know I have a fairly non-traditional view of politics from a social work stance, and I am not about to change that stance anytime soon….. it is meant to be a discussion on of all things, kindness….. a seemingly lost art form I hope to have an open discussion about and hope you will start too!
What became even more concerning to me as the days passed from the debate is how acceptable it has become to behave in whatever manner one chooses, if there is a presumed “just cause” in the end- in this case to “right the ills that are the current state of our country.”
Really? So when did it come to be that we no longer practice kindness as a people, and instead it has become accepted to speak and behave in whatever means necessary to prove a point? “It’s the only way to get people really thinking about the problems in our country….” were words spoken to me this past week. I vehemently disagree.
Have you tried it? To look at others perspectives? To go out of your way in small and large ways to improve the life of another? The little secret is YOU WILL BENEFIT AS MUCH OR MORE THAN THE PERSON TO WHOM YOU ARE SHOWING KINDNESS.
“Joan”….. a client of mine I’ve seen off/on over the past year, with a multiple presenting issues, and an incredibly angry attitude that has cost her relationships, freedom (run ins with the law), jobs, and most of all….peace and happiness. Looks at me with great skepticism most days as we talk about how her anger affects her daily life, and what it would look like if she perhaps decided to let go of the anger. After all,
Week after week, Joan would come to my office expressing the desire to change, but skeptical in my approach for her….stressing the need to let go of the anger in order for her to truly be free of its hold on her. This past week, she almost skipped into my office (yes, skipped), giddy to tell me of the week she had. With some clients, I anticipate great changes, or milestone events they might be wanting to share with me. With her, I just wanted desperately to see a shift from pure anger, to a few moments of peace in her life. And wow! She filled the hour with the joy of feeling the change within her, as she practiced prayer and meditation and gratitude (journal) and was actually getting recognition from her employer, and coworkers, and family acknowledging the changes she had made. No longer did she need to identify herself and “Joan the angry b—“, she was “Joan.”- the hard worker, the supportive AA member, the witty coworker and the new “friend people wanted to hang out with on weekends.” She (and I) beamed at the little break-through. Not necessarily permanent change, but it’s a beginning to shed light on what was a dark, and scary life for “Joan.” And the greatest beauty in this exchange, is it cost “Joan” nothing, and this was 100% something of which she had control, her attitude…and her choice to show kindness towards others as she walked through the same life she had been all those months before….this time, with peace and happiness.
I didn’t perform magic, a miracle, or anything drastic. I showed “Joan” kindness, acceptance, and another way to be. I held her accountable for her behavior and helped her to see that kindness DOESN’T mean weakness or allowing others to take advantage of you. Kindness, rather, is act of being friendly, gracious and considerate. Powerful.
As you walk through your day today, and going forward, may you show others kindness, and gently hold others to the same standard rather than excuse for whatever good he/she proclaims to be reaching towards. What would our world be like if more of us aspired to be like Mother Teresa, Pope Francis, or the Dali Lama? Powerful leaders who truly know/knew the true strength of showing others kindness and compassion.
peaceinthejourney 