(My new-fancier version of my blog is in the works, but today was a profoundly sad day for my extended family, and the way I am able to make sense of life when it makes no sense is to…. write. So here I am.)
I attended a funeral for my cousin’s 21-year-old son today. I’ve been to so many funerals in my life. However, today was one of the most difficult, also one of the most beautiful.
Today was NOT the end. I believe with every fiber of my body there is something beyond this life that we can’t even comprehend. I feel incredibly blessed to have this faith, death is not the end. There is a promise of eternal life, and one day a reunion of all those we’ve lost in this earthly existence. To those who do not share this belief, it may seem naive or simple, and while I haven’t been to wherever “beyond” is yet, I nonetheless believe. And yes, days like today, it does bring me comfort in knowing my cousins will one day see their son again. And this palpable pain, will one day be replaced with joy!
When I was the Program Director for our local cancer community, I used to think of one day being reunited with all those who I served and supported. I’d think about getting through the pearly gates to be greeted by Professor Rick, Shannon, Rebecca, Mira, Judy, Robin and the countless others who were part of the community. I would imagine seeing them, and understanding only then the “why” the pain in this life for loving is necessary. Now? I have no idea, but in this daydreaming, I would imagine in that space finally understanding the “why.” For now, I do on some level understand it is part of the price we pay, for love. That imagery was comforting, and allowed me to continue with a job that was at times, painful. It continues to bring me some level of comfort as I have my own grief journey/s in life.
Hearing the words “Pain, is the price for loving” again today, I was brought back to that beautiful community. Cancer had a way of leveling the playing field for everyone. It didn’t matter if you had a $1,000,000 in the bank, or nothing. Cancer didn’t care. It didn’t matter if you were a size 0 or a size 20. Cancer didn’t care. It didn’t if you were old or young, black or white, Christian or Jewish or Muslim or no religion at all. Cancer didn’t care. And so it brought me back today, to the message of “Pain, is the price for loving.” For in the community, we all supported each other knowing none of us really knew when it was anyone’s time to go to that next phase, Heaven, the great beyond, or whatever else is the next step…..None of us do. But the Pain- of getting to know others, of loving others, that….was worth it!
My dear cousin’s son didn’t die from cancer, and he was really young and had a lifetime ahead of him to do really amazing things. I am certain, and I am sure his parents and sister and grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends and co-workers and fellow students knew it even more. Why? We will never truly understand, in this life. But as I looked at all of them today, the pure love they all shared for him, and each other was breathtaking. They will get each other through the pain. Their love, for him and for each other is the answer on this Earth, until we reunited one day “beyond” and truly understand the “why”……….
So, we are caught in this dilemma. We need each other to live truly happy and joy-filled lives. We truly need each other. Research studies found this to be true. And yet, in doing so, in truly loving, this pain we are all feeling today, is the price that we pay. There is no way around it, either you live your live alone as a “hermit” connecting with no one on this Earth, or you choose to engage with and LOVE and in doing so, we are always at risk for this eventual pain.
I so wish I had the answers as to why “bad things happen to good people”, don’t we all? He was a good young man. I mean, arguably a really good young man. Making all the right decisions and doing all the right things. But, if we believe, if we truly believe this life is not the end, then can we eventually find a way to have comfort in knowing the love we feel in our hearts is not in vain?
When I think of my own hurts in losing one’s I have loved, would I change it to spare myself of the pain? NO WAY! And I hope all of you who are reading today take this one message to heart…… LOVE MORE! LOVE without limits. And truly make time for family and friends and don’t wait to show each other your love. And never ever regret loving anyone.
Ugh…I so wanted to having something truly eloquent to end with…but today I just don’t…..But hope my message will reach someone who needs to hear it most. When in doubt…..choose love.
Peace………
peaceinthejourney 