Ever have someone say something to you, seemingly innocent, yet it appears to hang suspended in space like one of those thought bubbles in a comic strip?
A few weeks ago, I had that happen.
I have a client named “John”, who struggles with chronic depression, and has challenged me weekly in my clinical skills to help him elevate his depression. Some clients, I am able to “read quickly” and thus delve into the process quite quickly. While he has attended sessions with me every week, without fail, the process has been painfully slow. No matter what technique I pull from my proverbial therapy bag, he meets me with resistance and almost literally digs his feet in more deeply into his depression as if to “convince” me his life really is as crappy as he tells me it is.
In therapy, a therapist/client boundary exists, where little of the therapist’s life is discussed in the therapy session (after all, they aren’t paying to hear our shit! ha)…..but at the end of this particular session….. John turns to me and says this…. “Alright “Little Mary Sunshine”…. how do you stay so positive all this time?”….. stopping me in my tracks.
“Little Mary Sunshine” ?
You see, I guess I don’t really see myself that way. And really, it startled me a little that he (and soon I learned others) see me that way. In sessions, it is important for me to help people see their strengths and ability to take back some control in their life when many people are feeling powerless. That is my role.
On this day, I decided to use my own experiences as a way to help him. I turned to him and shared this…. “John, just because I strive to stay positive about things doesn’t mean my life is perfect. I choose to focus on things/people who make me happy because it just feels better…..and I work at it. Every Day.”
From that session on….. he has taken care of things he has been procrastinating on doing, and reports to me that he just feels better. Miracle! Or is it really?
Isn’t that what we all want? To know we aren’t alone in our grief or sorrow or despair? To know that someone else has been there, and found a way to peace and happiness?
Fast forward a few weeks, in discussion with a friend of mine, it was brought to my attention that I’ve been “off” lately…in a funk so to speak, again. Sigh….really? How did I not see this with my tell-tale signs of eczema for the past few months, return of my friend named insomnia and increase in my stress and anxiety? Guess those signs weren’t clear enough for me. Sigh…..
So today, I decided, again, to put into place what I preach to clients all. the. time.
Find path towards peace…
“Peace is the only battle worth waging.” Albert Camus.
5 Things I tried today:
-
Practiced my calming breathing techniques I utilize in practice with clients. It works. Taking 5 deep, slow, calming breaths. It’s amazing how calming this simple technique truly is.
- Did a speed workout at the gym and then took the wonder dog Layla out for a run. Research supports the connection between exercise and overall stress reduction. Visit www.mayoclinic.com for more information on this connection. And anytime I can spend with my dog makes me happy.
- Sat for a moment and watched the snow fall. Really. When was the last time you took a moment and looked at the intricacies of snowflakes? Truly beautiful.
- I put makeup on, blew my hair out, and got dressed for the day knowing I don’t even have anywhere to go for HOURS. But I truly feel taking care of myself on the outside makes me feel better on the inside. Yes, it’s an effort on days I don’t work but I can honestly say, I never, ever go without makeup or doing my hair.
- I meditated. Replacing the negative thoughts I have on what’s stressing me out, with the known coping skills I have that I’m not using to control what I can, and let go of what I cannot. It is work, and I encourage clients to do this all the time, and feel like I’m a better therapist when I force myself to do the things I ask my clients to do daily. And yes, it works.
5 things. Simple. And yes, today I feel far more peaceful than I did yesterday. What’re you committed to doing today?
One last quote….”If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.” Marvin Gaye.
Love it.
Peace, and Happy Tuesday.
peaceinthejourney 