New Year’s resolutions don’t work. They don’t. Sure, there are some random people who magically “lose that weight” or “getting more financially savvy” in the New Year….but I’ve compiled a list of my “don’t do’s” for 2020.
- Set a weight goal. You are more than your weight. You are more than your weight. You are more than your weight.
- Set financial goals without talking with someone who perhaps is more financially savvy than you are. Set goals with intention and purpose, from a space of forward movement vs guilt/shame that often get entangled with problematic financial spending and/or limited saving/planning.
- Gathering of more “things”.…..if you are reading this blog, you already have enough. No more purses, or shoes, or gadgets, or cars, or…or…or…will bring you any more happiness than you already have. You have enough. You are enough. Things…things will never bring you happiness.
- Set goals without intention/thought/purpose behind them. For instance, if you are hell bent on losing weight, do it because your intent is to be healthy rather than fit into a bikini. (by the way, you can wear a bikini, right now, exactly how you are, exactly the weight that you are….with all your bumps and lumps and whatever. You can rock that bikini no matter what your weight or size or whatever is……..)
Can you look at New Year’s in a new way? Has the standard “This year I’m gonna (insert whatever shameful/guilt-ridden goal here)” worked? Like EVER?! Are you among the very small percentage of people who actually stay with the gym membership beyond January? Then awesome! Keep that shit up! But if you aren’t, may be it is time for a reset in how you look at this time of year. Instead of “new year’s resolution” time, could you consider more productive/intentional language of a season that is a returning to light, beginning again, and a fresh start? With both grace and compassion for yourself, truly the only person you have control/responsibility for in this life.
Late last week, our family had to make the really difficult decision to re-home our family bird, Cammy, and the birdie friend we got to try to help our family bird stay in our home. I was NEVER a bird person, in fact they absolutely scare me on some level. However, my oldest son wanted one and after months and months he wore me down and we brought this lovely blue pacific parrotlet into our home. She was never friendly, she never wanted to just hang out with the family, she bit everyone (mostly me, which seems weird since I’m a-vegetarian and b-biggest animal lover I Know! I was on her team!) and the last 6 months started over-preening. Have you seen a bird who over-preens? She had plucked out all her feathers on her torso and most of her wings, leaving her to look like a new born chicken. And she seemed M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E. And worse…..this same son who desperately wanted a bird, also seemed miserable as he was so worried about her and guilt ridden over not knowing how to “fix” her……..
We tried:
Consultations with Various vets. Various experts in the field. Spritzing her with water in case she was just itchy. New food. New supplements. New toys. No mirror (apparently it can make them even more obsessed with grooming). Medicines. Etc….and then…a new friend, named “Ken.”
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing worked.
A few days prior, my son (who was the “adult” in this situation) saw what I was doing (and let me tell you, that is not a comfortable scenario to be called out on your behavior, or lack there of, by your young adult son. Humbling….to say the least. ) and in an abrupt dose of reality pushed us to make this really tough decision, to let her go……….
We made the decision to take her to a beautiful birdie rescue, and return her birdie friend to the home we got him from only a few weeks ago. I cried hysterically at the dropping off of our little Cammy, knowing we would never see her little self again, and we would at best be a memory in her precious little birdie brain. My son was the responsible, reasonable, intentional one, and I was acting purely on emotion. He was right. We needed to love her enough, to let her go…..
This process…… taught me this. And thought I’d share for a different way to approach this new year, this new decade……Not with “resolutions” but with purpose and intention. Not out of emotion, but rather with clear desire to be the best version of self we can be. And with that, do you need to look at what no longer serves you in your life, and let that shit go?
How often do we hold on to things, to jobs, to habits, to people….we know in our hearts we have outgrown, or are no longer good for us? Why are you/we holding on? What are you afraid of happening if you simply let go? Let go of the struggle. Let go of the need to know the outcome. Let go of needing to know what happens next. What happens? If you believe, as I wholeheartedly do, emotions are transient, can you just sit with emotions, breathe through them, draw on your own strength or will or stubbornness (ok, I own that one!) and know…. there will be sunshine again one day….There will be a better day. There will be a better job. There will be healthier and more productive habits if you allow them to take root. And people….. if you open up your heart, there will be better people to have in your life who love you exactly as you are. Flaws and all, if you allow the universe or God to support you, you will not be alone.
I have tried the resolution path. I have tried the holding on and just hoping it changes path. And please listen……carefully……..
IT DOESN’T FREAKING WORK!
We end up miserable and ugh. Isn’t there enough misery in the world already?
My hope for you, in 2020, let go of believing you have to be something “other than” you are for someone else. If you want to make changes- do it for YOU. Not for others, not to win the love or admiration or ….of another. But for you. Trust it’s ok to let go of things, of habits, of people who no longer serve you & in the process…. you will see the Universe or God and/or YOU will see that in your heart, you already know the right path for your journey. Holding on to what no longer serves only keeps us stuck, and that is a very lonely, futile space to exist.
Cammy and Ken will forever be in our hearts. Our home is a much quieter/cleaner (birdies are MESSY) and in some ways “still” home. We miss them. But loving someone enough to let them go….can be the greatest gift you give to another whose spiritual wings you may be unintentionally binding to you, a space that was never meant to be.
Here’s to the return to light. To new beginnings. To intentional/mindful living. And to the innate wisdom that exists if we sit still long enough to allow it to surface and fill our spiritual beings with light, with love and with hope.
Peace and Happy 2020. #newyearsresolutionssuck
peaceinthejourney 