What if you aren’t feeling in the holiday spirit?

“Tis the Season to be jolly”…..but what if you aren’t feeling JOLLY?

Illness.  Death of loved ones.  Break-ups.  Job stress.  No job.  Conflict in family of origin.  Living far away from loved ones.  Being alone.

There are a myriad of reasons why we might not be “feeling it” this holiday season, but what do you do about it?

There is endless pressure to just be happy….I contend that all feelings just are, and none better or worse than any others & all should be able to exist, even if it interferes with everyone else’s holiday plans.

These are “4” of my top ways to help yourself navigate through the holiday season even if you aren’t feeling so celebratory.

• Mindfully, gracefully, gently acknowledge where you are & be ok with just getting through your day if that is all you have in you today.  Ask a friend to talk.  If you don’t feel like you have a confidant, know you have the strength to get you through whatever hardship or heartache you might be facing.  You are strong! You will find your inner peace.
• Practice yoga.  Run.  Walk.  Do something to move your body.  If you feel like sleeping for 12 hours straight, great!  But get up the next day and know if you are to get through, you need to move your body to allow the vessel to get you through even the most difficult of times.  Your are strong!  You will find your inner peace.
• Connect to your spirit side.  If you have a particular faith practice, now is a great time to embrace!  If you don’t, try sitting quietly, with or without music, and simply following your breath in/out, allow your inner self to guide you to your next chapter.  You are strong! You will find your inner peace.
• Do something for someone else.  It’s so easy to do ESPECIALLY this time of the year, but anytime we are feeling too much of our own stuff, find a way to reach out to others and lose yourself in service.  It is simply the absolute best way I know to help us re-group and re-ground.  Carry “blessing bags” with you and hand them out to homeless in your area (include:  snacks, hand warmers, hats, gloves, socks, toothbrushes/paste, etc.).  You are strong.  You will find your inner peace.

Holidays can be really difficult for everyone.  In clinical practice I brace for it every single year because it brings up “stuff” for everyone.  But when you are going through our own personal stuff on top of everyone else’s around you, I implore you to (a) just allow yourself to feel it for as long as you need to ….and then remember, even the darkest of days will pass if you use the above to navigate your own path…….. even if it seems terrifying to imagine.

You are strong.  And you WILL find your inner peace again.

Peace, and Happy Holidays Everyone.

 

 

 

Go back to college years or remain in 40s? I’d pick 40s…here’s why!

Sure…in our 40s we are no longer starving college students so we may try….but there are certain things money cannot buy.

I spent a weekend in Chicago with my sorority sisters, 2 of whom I haven’t seen since I was in college 20+ years ago. 20+ years, how is that possible?

There was reminiscing of the days (and nights) at University of Dayton, and post college/early 20s years, and the where did the time go?

There was shopping, overly priced cocktails and craft brews, indulgent meals, walk/jog by Navy Pier & along Lakeshore drive, and the obligatory photo-op with the “bean.”

While I loved! loved! loved! all of the “what” we did, it was more the conversations and the support that was given and received that left me thinking….wow….I am blessed to be in my 40s.

While my days in college were filled with classes and working minimal hours at the local daycare center and spending most of my time with friends, what they weren’t filled with was deep conversations or the feeling that I had support (or probably that I was giving support) on any deep level.  While we busy our time so much during those years trying to figure out who we are, we are left with very little time to acutely observe the lives of the people around us.

In our 40s, we are often facing the reality of aging parents, physical or emotion illness of ourselves or others we love, financial triumphs and far too often struggles, challenges of parenting, insecurities with our weight and the aging process, failed or floundering marriages, and a myriad of other very real and difficult life issues….we are also equally blessed with a greater sense of who we are, and who we want to be.  We are not as consumed with finding ourselves, and rather able to stop and look at our friends and family around us and take a moment (or many) to support and comfort them.

While together, we did share some of our struggles, both now and when we were back in college.  Back in the day, I had no idea anyone else was struggling but me.  I never stopped to ask, and certainly would never have shared my personal pain with anyone…..so how would I know?  The only difference between living life in my 40s and then, is I’ve taken the time to be there for my friends and step away from myself as often as I can.  I learned the art of giving and receiving friendship.  Leaning and being the rock.  Talking and listening.  Being vulnerable and being non judgmental.

So when people talk about wanting to go back to the days of college, I think to myself for a moment, yep! Sign me up!  But then I remember this weekend and think NO WAY! While I loved every single moment of college, I am happy to be right where I am now.  Complications of life and all, there is something supremely rich and beautiful about the depth of friendships I now have in my life.  It’s in the depth of the sorrows and joy I feel true friendships emerge.

While on Facebook today, I noticed a flurry of posts in support of a mom from my children’s school who is facing breast cancer.  My heart is warmed knowing no matter what, this lovely woman has a circle of friends praying for and supporting her.  When she may be feeling weak, they will be strong.  I have no doubt she has done the same for another friend before, and hopefully will have that opportunity going forward.  That is what makes true friendship so beautiful…it isn’t being there for when times are fun and easy, it’s the standing by and supporting one another through the storms of life.  

I may have used this song before, but it’s worth repeating…..may be I should start keeping a log?  This was the song we had as our last song, for our last gathering, before graduation with my sorority sisters….better known as my friends who happened to all be in a group with me.  True friends…….are friends forever……

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ped1jYLFtkA