How running a marathon changed my life & why you should find your own “marathon” too!

Fear has two meanings:

• Forget everything and run
• Face everything and rise

You choose.

If you’ve made it past the title of this post you’re either:

• Curious about running a marathon
• A marathon runner
• A family member/friend reading just to be supportive, which is lovely too….
• Caught my purposeful use of quotation marks around “marathon” and are curious what I meant

What is your “marathon?”

I grew up with the clear belief that I was not an athlete.  I’m not sure where that belief emerged from and how it took hold.  In reflection, however, a deeper truth bubbled to the surface.  It wasn’t so much that I was un-athletic, rather my insecurity and anxiety and introversion that influenced my relationship with sports or activities in general. The fear of putting myself out there for others to see me, to really see me, was so frightening that I chose to hide behind the contrived belief that I was un-athletic as a safer way to navigate through my formative years.

When I started running/walking in my mid-30s, it was more as a way to relieve stress & have a few moments where no one needed me.  More specifically, I longed for a few moments where someone wasn’t saying “Mom! Mom! Mom!” or “What are we having for dinner?” It was a few moments of an escape for me.

I never even considered training for let alone finishing a marathon.  What would I have to draw from over the course of my life to make be think that was possible?  Nothing!  If someone had suggested that I write a book (and understand what I was writing about) on quantum physics, that would be more believable!  As a clinical social worker with a background in psychology and religious studies, that would be a magnificent stretch to even ponder.  However, somewhere early in the process, something shifted in me and I started to believe the unbelievable.

With each step on my training runs, each day I’d log my miles, each new pair of shoes I’d purchase, each small run I’d participate in and complete, each blister or sore muscle I’d take notice of along the way, my mindset started to shift from there is no way, to what if? What once seemed impossible became possible by my DAILY ritual of participating in the process.  The daily ritual of training runs, cross training, and even rest days IS what made the difference in my belief system.  The trite bucket list item of “I want to run/complete a marathon” became a reality for me.

In the fall of 2006, I ran and completed my first marathon in Detroit.  I joined the group of less than 1% of the world’s population who has completed this distance.  I DID THAT!  ME!  The:

• Un-athletic Me
• Picked last in gym class Me
• Didn’t make “insert sport here” Me
• Didn’t try out for “insert sport/activity here” Me

I that fall….I completed the first of my 5 full marathons.  And while I did not set any momental records or place with any significance that day, I cannot explain the emotions that came pouring out of me as I crossed the finish line that glorious October day.

What once seemed ridiculous became a reality and regular activity for me for the next decade.  Marathon running has taken me and my husband to many cities in the US (and Berlin in 2014), enabled me to inspire others to train for and complete many marathons on their own, and allowed me the privilege to fundraise & encourage others to do so for a favorite local charity.  Had I not started somewhere, and trusting in the process even though I wasn’t always certain of the destination, none of that would have happened.

And here is the biggest secret I want to share….the marathon itself is NOT the most important part of this story.  It isn’t the most important message of my story.  It is the challenge of the limiting belief: “I am not an athlete” that allowed me to more fully acutalize my human potential.  We are more than our beliefs.  We are more than our history.  We are more than the negative memories/concept of self we bring into our adulthood.  We are all so…. much….. more….

So what is your marathon? What are you dreaming of doing but allowing fear or self-doubt or limiting beliefs prevent you from taking the next step?  What are you waiting for to start?

 

It has been said having a goal without a plan is just a dream.  As humans, we have ready-made countless ways to procrastinate:  facebook, twitter, insert social media here, sleeping, etc….  Imagine what you could achieve if you started a daily ritual today and committed to a plan for your dream?

How do you do this?

• Daily ritual (small steps towards your “marathon”, daily)
• Accountability partner/s- someone/s whom you check in with regularly to support you in your process
• Positive messages in your periphery as much as possible (I can do this! messages on your mirror, on your phone, in your wallet, etc.)
• Dream of something that seems unattainable and try it anyway!  Who cares if you fail!  On one’s death-bed, I’m certain we may regret the things we did not do rather than the things we tried, even if we failed in our attempts.

Life is a journey worth LIVING.  Are you LIVING or merely EXISTING in yours?

Would love to hear about your own “marathons” & how you took the “impossible dream” into your reality.

Peace……..

 

 

 

Why an “attitude of gratitude” is garbage. Simple steps to making it your “practice.”

Several years ago, I started posting every day in November messages of gratitude.  While I am cognizant other people mostly see me as a positive person, and I’ve been referred to by clients as “little miss sunshine” and “hippie/peace-loving therapist”…. lovingly, I’m sure….. my outside persona has not and does not always fit what is stirring inside of me.  That scary, dark place as it has been referred to by a dear friend.  As life ebbs and flows, my mindset does as well.  And while I believe this is part of the human condition, I also know from decades of clinical practice, we cling much more readily to negativity than we do to positivity, or in this specific example of humanity, gratitude.

When I started this practice, I was at a crossroads, a tipping point, a shift where I was almost buying into the belief system that I needed to be happy in order to feel grateful.  Sure, on Thanksgiving, like the rest of the US population, and in my prayers, I  would be able to conger up a few ancillary items for which I was thankful, but was I really a grateful person?  Really?  Was I a fake?

More concerning with this logic is the flawed sense of permission I was giving myself to not be grateful because I wasn’t happy and my life as it wasn’t filled with the commercialized ideal of happiness I was inundated with no matter how much I tried to resist it.  You know the list….. I’ll be happy when:

• I have a bigger house
• I have more money
• I lose weight
• I can fit into that “insert item”
• I can run a “x” minute mile
• I have …….
• I am …….
• I ……..

Truth is….none of that is necessary for gratitude, which authentically sets the framework for a happy life.  None of it is necessary.  When we are aiming for happiness in the superficial, we are in essence building our home on quicksand.  Happiness is fleeting.  It is here for a moment, and then gone.  But gratitude, being thankful for the gifts of life- the true gifts of being in a beautiful moment in time, and expressing our gratitude and kindness towards others, that is sustainable and real and genuine.

While November is my outward example and reminder to show others the practice, it is truly something that I practice the entire year.  Yes!  Gratitude is important beyond the month also known as “Thanksgiving” or that other holiday that seems to be forgotten before Christmas or Hanukkah.  Who knew?

So how does one cultivate this practice?  Truly it is a practice.

My conversation in my head looks like this:  I’ll be happy when…

• I have a bigger house.  Auto Correct:  I am GRATEFUL for having a roof over my head, and for the knowledge that it is by grace that I don’t know homelessness or despair.
• I have more money.  Auto Correct:  I am GRATEFUL for having enough, and for the knowledge that money does not buy me happiness.  Some of the greatest joy I haven known, have cost me exactly $0.  Hearing beautiful music, walking in the forest, feeling the sunshine on my skin, and looking into the eyes of my children…. bliss.  More money, begets more things and more things create clutter in my already very active brain and life.  I have enough, and I am grateful.
• I lose weight.  Auto Correct:  I am GRATEFUL I have enough food to eat, and have never known hunger.  And although I am not at the point where it doesn’t affect me at all, I am practicing saying I am enough, exactly at the weight I am.  I am strong.  I eat healthy.  And one day I will wholeheartedly believe those words.  And continue to work on refusing to define my worthiness by what the scale reads.  Ugh.  This one is hard.  It’s a work in progress.  But I refuse to define my worth by what numbers I read on the scale.  I am enough.  I am grateful.
• I fit into that “insert item.”  Auto Correct:  Yoga pants, bikini, fitted dress.  I have a laundry list.  I am GRATEFUL I have acquired a variety of sizes in my life, and have the ability to donate clothes that no longer fit my style (or yes, size) to others who can use them.  Yes.  I donated 3 bags filled!  I am grateful.
• I run “x” minute mile.  I am GRATEFUL for the 5 marathons and over a dozen half and other distances I have run.  I am grateful my body enabled me to get to the finish line, and my brain stayed with my body when I wanted to quit.  I no longer assess my self-worth by whether I run a 10 minute or longer mile vs a 8 minute mile.  I spent years really thinking if I ran faster, somehow it would change my life. Truth, NO ONE CARES.   So why did I spend so much time focusing on it?
• I have….. For me material goods have never been a huge motivator in my life.  And I am GRATEFUL!  It isn’t so much of a mind shift as an acknowledgment that it’s ok that I don’t subscribe to the consumerism that our culture promotes.  I don’t know the trendiest purses, or make up lines, or shoes, or….. and for some time I thought there was something wrong we me, what female in our culture doesn’t know all of that stuff?  Me. I am GRATEFUL, for ignorance in this….
• I am…. enough.  I am GRATEFUL, while there is still so much I want to learn and experience and become, today I am grateful I am enough.  Exactly the way I am, I am enough.
• I …..am GRATEFUL.  For the blessings in my life.  Both answered and unanswered prayers.  Often really for the unanswered ones, I’ve learned the most.  For quiet moments when my mind is still.  For seeing the beauty in the simple – and content in pure moments of peace.  For not always getting my way, and for learning to voice my opinion when it really matters, and learn to compromise when it’s necessary or needed or I must.  For sharing in the struggle and the progress of so many trusting clients…. for being in their sacred space.  For the love my family shows me, and for my learning to allow my faults to be seen (often in a public forum!) and the confidence to no longer be consumed with presenting an image that is acceptable to others….for learning to just be myself.  I am GRATEFUL for the work I’ve done and the work that remains….as there is still life to be LIVED!

Phew…see….. easy.  We can all stay “stuck” in the search for happiness….. but I challenge you, look inside….spend some moments, daily….looking around for all that you have to be grateful for in your life.

If you are reading this blog, if you have a laptop or desktop, if you have a roof over your head, ate too much, too warm…. you have much to be GRATEFUL for tonight.

Peace…. and all the best on your journey of practicing gratitude….

Cats are Big Ole Jerks…& other necessary truths we must accept for a more joyous holiday season

Oh yes. Yes….I said it.  Cats are Big Ole Jerks.

How many times do you find yourself distraught, frustrated because the truth that is staring us in the face is just too unpleasant for us to accept?  The holiday season is the perfect breeding ground for this as we strive to achieve some ideal that is thrust upon us from the media, our family historical memory, or some conjured up fantasy of how things “should be.”

So this year, I thought I’d try to make it simple for you and post my top list of “truths” to help you have a more peaceful and happy holiday season. Hope you enjoy!

• Egg Nog is not a yummy drink.  Truth!  How many times have you bought the carton of gelatinous substantive beverage, only to pour one glass and try to choke it down….perhaps even pouring some adult beverage in it in attempts for it to be more palatable…only to leave it on the counter….getting warm….finding it the next day…pouring out the rest of the glass…and then letting the rest of the carton sit in your refrigerator for the remainder of the season until you pour out the rest after it has expired?  Why do we buy it?  Why do we not accept the truth that it simply is gross & perhaps there is a reason it is only available one time a year?
• No one is really going to remember if you don’t send out holiday cards this year.  Truth!  I know. I know.  You all have bought into the Hallmark philosophy (ok, now the snapfish or tiny prints) that YOU MUST SEND CARDS out to every single person you have any sort of interaction with from the beginning of time, but really…do you? Yes, it is FANTASTIC to see photos of your little peeps as they are growing, or you adorable pets….but if it is indeed causing you stress to get the perfect photo to upload to your now “every card must be a photo card” site, they ask yourself….why am I doing this?  Is it because I believe it is a necessary part of how I celebrate my holiday season, or am I selling out to the commercialization of the holidays?  Why do we not accept the truth that “holiday cards” is something modern-day humans have self-imposed & truly it has nothing to do with the degree to which you faithfully, or joyfully celebrate the holiday season?
• You do not get a medal by wearing yourself ragged during the holiday season.  Truth!  Believe me, I have looked at the end of many-a-holiday season and I have not found one waiting for me.  The baking, cooking, card assembling/addressing/stamping/sending (see above), cleaning, purchasing, wrapping, driving, etc….does not yield a reward if at the end we have overdone it and end up sick or screaming at our kids to enjoy the freaking holiday rather than enjoy the beauty of the season…… So what you can let go?  And why can’t we accept the truth that the holiday season is not intended to be some competitive sport stealing any sort of joy from you or your family at the finish line?
• You WILL forget something.  Truth!  A stocking stuffer, a necktie for Great Uncle So & So, The Christmas Tree Butter (or may be you have looked EVERYWHERE & can’t find it at any stores!), the phone call, the card (see above), the perfect ribbon.  Your holiday will not, no matter how hard you try, be perfect.  So let it go!  Enjoy the chaotic mess that will ensue in your home & all the homes you travel to this season, and realize you are human, and will no matter how hard you try, forget something. And why are we so reluctant to accept the truth that holiday gatherings are about the people we are with, not the tokens we bring or the hoops we went through to obtain them?
• Cats are BIG OLE JERKS.  Truth! Oh yes, I did….I said what we are all thinking.  Now before I get hate mail, let me state I have had cats my entire life!  And I love them.   I have had Ritches (aka the Senator- aka the BEST cat ever!), Winnie, Zoe, Nala, Raine & Charlotte.  And I love, love, love animals.  But the sooner we accept that cats do what they want when they want, the better off we will all be.  During the holidays, especially, they are mischievous little beings who get into our baking supplies, attempt to unwrap presents under the tree, hit and break family heirloom bulbs, bat at things on the floor that they’ve found in the middle of the night waking up the whole house with their shannigans, and my all time favorite….climb up your Christmas trees just to piss you off!  Yes, they are cuddly when they want affection (and only then), yes they are cute…but failing to acknowledge they other aspect of them creates more distress for us, and fails to give them credit for things they are really, really fantastic at doing!  Why don’t we accept the truth that they are indeed, not dogs, and that is ok….they were never meant to be!  So….. place ornaments wisely on that tree, less they teach you a lesson!
• Lastly……People are who they are.  Truth.  Absolutely the hardest one to accept.  I sit in my office in clinical sessions with clients tearfully struggling with wanting family members to be more than quite frankly they are possibly able to be.  Especially during the holiday season.  Yes, we have all bought into “It’s a Wonderful Life” version of what Christmas or the holiday season is supposed to be like, for many (or most)  it isn’t.  While I fully believe people are capable of great change in life, else I’d be out of business as a therapist, we need to be careful not to expect people to change to how we think they should be.  Most people, even those who frustrate, and sometimes hurt us, are doing the best they can.  It is freeing to us, allowing us to truly have a more peaceful & happy holiday season when we remove the expectation that our family is going to be any different this holiday season than they’ve been any other time in the past.  So if they’ve been distant, late, come without a dish to pass, drink a bit too much, don’t say thank-you…. anticipate they probably will do that again this year…and MOVE ON.  Listen…I’m not saying put up with crap from people who are abusive or toxic, but if people are a disappointment because they aren’t meeting your expectations of who they should be…perhaps you need to check yourself & ask yourself why they need to live as you see fit?  Why do we fail to accept the truth that people are imperfect, and we are all (for better or worse) just trying to get through the day and doing the best we can?

Holidays can be stressful…They can be disappointing…They can be exhausting!   If we let them be!   This year, I hope all of you find time to truly relax…and enjoy the beauty of the holiday season and remember that while each & every day we get to choose our attitude we bring to the day, the holiday season is no exception.  Choose peace.  Choose joy.  Choose happiness.

Peace & Happy Holidays……

 

 

Why is “how do I move to Canada?”becoming a popular search by Americans. And more thoughts about anger.

 

I’ve been around for a few elections.  Eligible to vote for the Bush era, Clinton era, Bush era, Obama, and now the Clinton/Bush (until recently) era all over again.  Heck I still remember my first election, I voted absentee ballad and my candidate, Ross Perot did not win.  Hey, I was in college!  We are all experimenting.  I do remember it be incredibly exciting and a privilege to be able to vote in our country.  At a young age, the realization that women fought for my right to vote was never lost on me.  This year, I am saddened by the tone the election has taken.  Now, before anyone says “this is politics, this is the way it has always been….”, I did state this isn’t my FIRST rodeo, and much to the chagrin of many, I have a great memory and I’ve never seen something like this year’s election process.

Over the years my views, my concerns and political leanings have changed, and while it would be a safe guess purely by my education and profession as a female clinical social worker to think I’m most certainly a democrat, hope you didn’t bet money as it isn’t that simple, and with all the flip flopping candidates do, I’m not even sure I have a categorical box I can check this year, or any year.

My push to write on this subject has far less to do with politics per say and much more to do with the tone to which candidates are campaigning this year.  I grew up in an era of “Do on to others as you would have them do on to you” or “Love one another as I have loved you” or “It is better to be kind, than right” or “Be kinder than necessary for everyone is facing some sort of battle.” I am perplexed.  Am I the only one who remembers these “golden rules” of sorts (well, one actually is the “golden rule”….but that’s not my point) ….how have we gotten so off track with one another?

I love our country, and for many reasons I have long believed we are the greatest country on Earth.  Not that we could be, or we used to be, but we are the greatest country on Earth.  I am sure there are many people from England, or Finland, or Thailand or Costa Rica or…..wherever who also believe their country to be the best.  However, I am concerned how the impact of a culture that tolerates and promotes hostility, anger, insults, name calling….all the things I was taught and have taught my own children to be inherently wrong to now be encouraged, as long as the end result is “your candidate, your opinion, your views” are heard or accepted or acknowledged.  As if winning is all that matters.  Even as I write those words, I am sure there is someone, somewhere saying “um, yes it is!”….but he/she probably isn’t reading my blog on peace in the journey…..

Clients, friends and some family will ask me if I ever get angry.  My immediate family I am sure sees me slightly differently than others, but largely I don’t react to anger in a hostile manner.  I don’t write nasty Facebook posts on companies I’m unhappy with for whatever valid reason I may have, I don’t try to belittle others so that I look better, I don’t choose to argue for the sake of arguing, or really at all…..and I really try to get others to see why choosing to engage in any of the above does far more damage to you than the person/persons/institutions/organizations….to whom you are angry.

I have heard this quote in variation by many people, may be Mark Twain didn’t even write it….. but the message remains solid.  When we hold on to anger, we are hurting ourselves. When venom comes from our mouth and our beings, venom is what comes back to us in our lives.  When we let go of the poison: friends, family, relationships, expectations, disappointments, hurts….we are free. Free to let in love, free to work with others, free to see not only our own potential but the potential of others around us.

• May be it means letting go of toxic relationships…..so what?  If they are toxic, why are you still holding on to them?
• May be it means letting go of disappointments from others….so what?  People are inherently flawed, and I presume most do their best in life, but cannot help falling short now and again, so why are we demonizing forever when this is in truth part of the human condition?
• May be it means letting go of expectations….so what?  I find my own life challenging enough, TRULY, I am astonished people have so much time to be concerned with other people’s lives when I can hardly manage my own.  What are you not wanting to face in your own life that you find it more appealing to focus on other people’s decisions?

I have been writing and rewriting and rewriting the end to this blog, and can’t seem to sum up what I want to say….other than this.

Peace and happiness can never be achieved through hate or venom or negativity or anger.  Never.  If you want to be happy…..it is time we all take individual responsibility rather than expecting someone else to fulfill this for us. If negativity is following you around, may be you need to check to see who the common denominator is in the scenarios surrounding you.  And I mean that with all the love in my heart for humankind.  I teach people to find peace and happiness in life….through mind, body, spirit and service to others.  But no where in my program is there room for hate, or anger, or negativity.  If you or someone you know is searching….I can show you the way……

sign up to read my blog every week at http://www.peaceinthejourney.wordpress.com or if you want a more focused approach, sign up for the upcoming program http://www.strongpeacefulwomen.com

Or at least write wordy blog posts to point you in the direction……

We could start a revolution…..one of peace and happiness…or….What type of revolution do you want to stand behind for ALL of humankind?

Sending all of you peace…..and happiness….

 

 

 

 

 

Peace Project….time to check back in.

Early Saturday morning Vinyasa Yoga class.  Class is PACKED.  

Thought for the day…..the average US person lives 79 years.  But reports an average of 7 years of doing what he/she LOVES.  Of what makes him/her happy.

What?  Wait what did he just say?  How can that be true?  How can we spend a lifetime not even doing what makes us happy?  I’m quite certain a great number of us aren’t even sure what that is…happiness.  I can say with almost absolute certainty it isn’t found in money, or at the bottom of a bottle, or in eating at the trendiest of restaurants or being able to fit into a size “?”….. I’ve sat in countless therapy sessions with clients quite convinced one of the aforementioned will do just that and desperately attempting to convince me “if only I had….., I’d be happy” to no avail.

7 years of what makes us happy has sat fluttered around in my thoughts throughout the week, re-igniting my passion for writing more on how people find peace and happiness in this life.  Not only writing, but interviewing others on their personal journeys.  Immersing myself in peace and happiness.  Like one learning how to be a gourmet chef or training as a professional athlete.  I imagine it similar conceptually, needing to immerse oneself in order to truly embrace it/understand it/live it.

How do some people have “it”, while others seem to float around aimlessly longing for that  somehow out of reach existential concept?  May be it isn’t so much in the pursuit of peace & happiness, rather in the happiness & peace of the pursuit?  What are we spending our time on in our life?  We all live as if we have at least that 79 years to live, but what if we had only one more day?  Would we spend it in traffic or filing paperwork or yelling at someone for cutting us off in traffic or criticizing our kids for not trying hard enough or lamenting over the way the towels were folded or ……?

Watched this movie tonight called “Hector and the Search for Happiness.” HIGHLY recommend it.  If for no other reason than to spark the thoughts in your mind about how to live a more peaceful and happy life.  What stress can you eliminate from your life?  Who do you need to limit or eliminate time with in your life?  What changes do you need to make- tomorrow and today?

What do you want your story to be?  Don’t like yours right now? Change it!  Don’t know where yours is going right now? Figure it out!  If we only have one life to live, whether it’s 79 or 97 or somewhere on either side….. shouldn’t we spend more time doing what we love and finding peace in happiness in our pursuit of LIFE?

May we all commit to spend more time laughing and loving, star-gazing and comet searching…… dancing in the rain and basking in the sun……sipping tea with friends and drinking wine with loved ones……living in today rather than dreaming of the future…..extending a helping hand and accepting a caring shoulder…..talking with our pets and making silly faces and voices with kids whenever possible…..traveling to distant places and taking the roads less traveled…..caring more about the quality of our relationships and less about the number of Facebook “friends”…..doing what makes us happy rather than living the life we think others want us to lead.

Are you starting your journey towards peace and happiness?  Or already on your path?  Want to share your story?  I’d love to hear…..

Peace and may you begin your road to peace & happiness…today! Why not?

From where does peace come?

Often I’m asked, both professionally and personally, how to find peace and happiness in life.  Many suggesting if only they had enough money, or the right job, or……and in my humble opinion, the focus on something outside self does little to nothing to foster peace and happiness.

If that were so, I often ask clients to think about those in our world with the most money, the most fame, the most prestige, “the most”…..in general to they seem happier?  Do they seem more peaceful?  Even if you try to shield yourself from the tabloid TV that plagues our viewing experiences, a simple trip to the market (unless you’re lucky enough to have a Trader’s Joe’s nearby you) will slap you into the reality that money, fame, & success in and of itself DOES NOT insure and often times works against peace and happiness.

Perhaps peace and happiness then, comes from inside?

So what does that mean?

Client “Tim”……. “If only I won the lottery, then I know I’d be happy.”

Me “Ok, so on the off-chance that you don’t win the lottery…..what are you doing to find happiness in the life you have been given?”

Client “Tim”…..silence…….

If we are not actively working towards finding peace and happiness in our life, why are we surprised we haven’t found it?

What are you doing?  Instead of making excuses and cursing the life you have, what are you doing?

• Are you exploring yoga?
• Are you practicing meditation or guided imagery? (Don’t know how to do, search on YouTube and get started.  Simple and free…if you have internet, which come on, if you are reading this you do!)
• Are you practicing eating as healthy as you can? You wouldn’t expect your car to function at peak performance with inferior gasoline in it, right?  Why would you expect any less from your body?
• Are you reveling in nature?  When’s the last time you took a hike?  The world around us is BEAUTIFUL!
• Have you made an effort to make amends with loved ones?  Life is short, and apologies are priceless.
• Have you really made a plan for your life? Studies show those who are happy in their life didn’t just “happen” to get there.  Vision boards are a great way to get started and help you take control of your own happiness.

If you want to find peace and happiness…… what are you doing to create this in yourself and possibly allow it to emanate to others around you?

Have ideas?  Want to share?  Comments always welcome….. maybe today we can start a community of peace, rather than excuses or road blocks to that space.

Peace……

Want to join the Strong Peaceful Women movement?

“You always seem so calm and peaceful”…… has been said to me more times than I can count.  As wonderful as the compliment is to hear, the story of my journey to me has always been more important to than my destination.

While it would be easy to just believe I am “always calm and peaceful” or “little Miss Mary Sunshine” as I’ve been called by a client, I can assure you my inner struggle is filled with as much thunder and rain as rainbows and butterflies.  At some point some years back, I decided I needed to find a different path to peace and happiness and stop allowing the outside noise to clutter my inner symphony longing to be heard.  I couldn’t control the chaos that surrounded me (and still does) but I certainly could control the manner in which I chose to respond to it.

Dissatisfied with what I had experienced as a way to find “inner peace & happiness”, I decided to combine both what I learned in my psychology and social work programs, with what I intuitively knew made sense to me.  Ok, it wasn’t that simple…there was some trial and errors along the way…..but want to know what I eventually did find?

Peace and happiness were in my journey….one that combined aspects of mind, body, spirit AND service.  I already had the tools, in my control, I just needed to learn how to use them.

By combining the ability to positively affect the messages we receive and play out in our mind, utilizing running as a positive release for stress in my life, learning the benefits not only of strengthening my spiritual life through traditional religious practice but adding the practice of yoga and meditation AND continuing my active commitment to community service……I have found an effective and innovative way for LIFE LONG peace and happiness.

Really? 

Yes!

Now…..those close in my life would argue I am not sunshine and smiley faces ALL THE TIME…..but I do believe I actively work to make this my default position no matter what is going on in my life.

So are you intrigued?  Do you want to find another way towards inner peace and happiness?

You’re in luck!

I’m piloting a new program for free.  For what?  FREE!  If interested, the commitment is as follows.

• Commitment to weekly support group- via phone.  So if you were going to say “distance” was your excuse…… stop it!
• Commitment to start running or step up your running.  Beginners and casual runners preferred.  So if you were going to say “I’ve never really been a runner” as your excuse…stop it!
• Commitment to regular practice of yoga and/or meditation (in addition to your religious practice of choice, if you have a preference).  Beginners welcome.  So if you were going to say “I have never done yoga or my mind is too active to do meditation”….stop it!
• Commitment to weekly community service of some sort.  We will discuss simple and effective ways to get involved in your community.  If you were going to say “I don’t have time”…..we all have the same number of hours in a day, week, year…..so stop it!

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

Do you want to find a way to change your life?  To change your path?  To find a new direction?  To live the life you know deep down inside you are longing to lead? 

Then message me and join the movement!

Peace……and happiness……always……

Be who you are, even if only you understands you

I’m not sure why I take the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory Test (www.myersbriggs.org) thinking at some point I’m going to have a different “type.” I’ve taken it several times, and while I feel like I know myself rather well, I am still surprised every time to find out I”m an

INFJ- Introvert (100%), Intuition (12%), Feeling (12%) and Judging (44%).  While the percentages of the last 3 vary somewhat from test to test, I am always, always an introvert.  I speak in public on the topic of peace and have created a program for women on finding inner peace in their lives, often facilitating workshops in the community.  And while I believe I am an effective and engaged presenter and have received positive feedback for my presentations, the ability to present is something that is difficult for me emotionally every time I do it.

I remember being a child and looking at friends or classmates who were outgoing and seemed to be able to enter into conversation easily, never looking or appearing awkward or nervous.  These same classmates ran for school office, tried out for leads in the play, and were captains of their preferred sports or academic groups.  I, however, spent much of my time observing, listening, and preferred time to be with smaller groups or individuals.  I remember thinking “there must be something wrong with me, why can’t I be like them?”

“Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde 

In adulthood, I recognize my introversion as a personality trait not unlike my ability to empathize with others, to be calm in the midst of chaos, to be comforting and engaged when others are hurting….it is who I am.  And while I felt somewhat inferior as a child because I “wasn’t” an extrovert, as an adult I’m able to not only accept, but rather honor that part of me who makes me…well…. me!

In clinical practice, I often work with clients who are trying to make changes to better their lives, and one topic that often presents is the desire to have more of a social life- to be more connected with large groups of people- and to have more excitement in one’s life. Why? I think…… is this necessary for fulfillment in life?  Where did the notion come from in thinking that a fulfilling life= large circles of friends and being at the center of attention in a room.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

True happiness comes, rather, in accepting who we are.  Not wanting to be one of the masses, to just squeak on by, but to celebrate the quirkiness- the flaws- the idiosyncrasies  that make each of us unique.  And while the “child” in me longed to be someone I wasn’t…….longed to be one the “in crowd”…..the wise woman in me celebrates the calm that has come in not only celebrating who I am, but enabling others to be proud of themselves too.

One of my favorite poems…for kids….but equally fitting for adults….may be all be kids at heart……

So being an introvert doesn’t make me a shy/less than person in relation to my extroverted peers.  It makes me, me.  And why would I really want to be anyone else?

So who are you, really?

Are you celebrating the one and only you today?

May you find peace and joy in your search today…..And know no matter who you are….you’re beautiful just the way you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM

Peace, 

Peace in the journey….. The next chapter, and new project.

This is my second attempt at writing this blog.  Last night as I was about to publish, my computer shut down for no apparent reason.  More startling was when I realized, I hadn’t saved my blog.  Sigh…..I went to bed.

I’ve been blogging for almost 2 years.  Amazing how many things have happened and changed in my life, and the life of those around me in that time.

When I started blogging, the original intent was to get into the practice of sitting down to actual write more regularly.  However, my stretch goal has always been to write a book. 

A book?  Even writing those words seems almost too lofty of a goal for me.  I can almost hear that inner voice saying “why on Earth would anyone want to ready a book you wrote, your life and views on the world aren’t really all that interesting!”  Inner voice me isn’t all that kind.  Right? But somewhere along the way it dawned on me, it isn’t “just” about me telling my story because arguably it isn’t all that compelling, rather along the way in my life I’ve met some truly inspiring people and their stories need to be shared too!

So the concept has begun….the next chapter, or project.  Starting to talk with others and share their personal stories of struggle or hardships and how they have found their own personal journeys towards living a more peaceful life.  I have my first two “interviews” of sorts scheduled for later this week. Yay!

So how does hearing someone else’s story help us in our own journey?

For example:  I worked with people with cancer for most of my career.  Early on, I met this older woman named “Sarah”.  Sarah was a volunteer at our front desk.  She would answer phones with an angelic, soft supportive voice, stuffed envelopes and do whatever task we asked of her.  She was also an excellent quilter, often donating the quilts she would make for auction.  One day, I was out on maternity leave with my 2nd son, and in walks Sarah to my home.  She was the first person from my job to see my newborn.  With her comes this lovely quilt, all hand stitched with her love.  I was in awe.  Having an opportunity to finally talk with her outside of the work place, I was able to hear her story.  Up until now…she was this lovely older woman who volunteered.  For some reason, I had never asked her what brought her to volunteer at my work.  Sarah began to tell me of her original diagnosis of stage IV melanoma, and her more recent diagnosis of colon cancer.  She also talked about her issues with heart disease, and the struggles of aging.  Tragic, right?  However, working in oncology for so long, I am able to sadly say this part of her story wasn’t all that unique, and while it does show a glimmer of the strength this 80ish year old woman possessed, her story was not done.  She then proceeded to tell me of witnessing her twin children both hit by a car, and killed, right in front of her eyes.  Right in front of her.  I was in shock.  I asked her….

“Sarah…oh my gosh, however did you go on after that?”

Her response simply…”What choice did I have? I had 2 other children and a husband who needed me.  I had to make the choice to live my life for them. It never occurred to me to give up.”

And wow! Did she.  Not only did she choose to keep on going, no matter what life presented to her, but she did so with such dignity and grace and strength, often giving to others.  Giving to others, that was what brought Sarah peace.  I have never forgotten her words.

It is stories like Sarah’s that makes me want to write.  I want others to know that no matter what happens in our life, we can always choose peace.  We can always choose love.  We can always choose happiness.  It isn’t living a problem free life that allows for us to live a peaceful and happy life, rather it is in finding the strength to make the decision- making in making necessary changes or seeking professional help or praying or meditating or cleaning house of friends who hurt us or in daily making the statement that “I’m worth and the world is worth having me choose peace.”

I might’ve used this before but I still love it…

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” Dalai Lama.

So…if you know someone who has a story to tell, or you are that story…please comment and let me know so I can share your story, as part of my new journey or chapter in life.  We all have a story to tell…..and yours may be a gift to someone else who is not as far along on his/her life journey.

Peace…..

Stop! And the happiness finds you.

I watched this video today, and it got me to thinking about happiness.

How often do we really think about happiness?  Are we really happy?  What is happiness?  How do we know we’re happy if we don’t really think about it?

Sometimes people think if only they have this or that: new car, new house, new job…then they’ll be happy.  Or when we have kids, or when the kids get older, or when we retire, or when we are able to travel to such and such of place.  But….if we hold out for “if only this would happen”…we are missing the point of the journey of life.

http://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=mcafee&type=A111US685&p=progeria+boy+talk+on+happiness

It isn’t what happens in our life, but how we choose to live our life that truly matters.

If we think about it, if money or power or fame or fortune made us truly happy, wouldn’t people in Hollywood or politicians or celebrities be blissfully happy?  Turn on the news any given day or read at the checkout counter on a myriad of magazine covers, drama and despair is not spared by those in our society who seemingly have it all. 

So what is it?  Happiness?

In the brilliant words on Sam (video), perhaps it is more in the focusing of what we have, rather than what we don’t have? Perhaps its on continuing to have goals set for ourselves, big and small, to look forward to one more day…regardless of if that day comes…it’s one more day of endless possibilities!

For me, it is in the stillness of moments, I feel the happiness well up inside me.  Am I happy?  Yes.  Is it a choice I make every single day? Yes.

What is isn’t? 

Free from “moments” of being angry or irritated?  Did I have those today?  Yes….ask my 16-year-old son, he’ll confirm “Polly Anna” I am not (though I have been called this before).  Rather, if those moments come in our day, it’s about moving through them and focusing on the positives of the day.   Years ago, I can admit I would’ve allowed my anger or irritation drag on for the day, and maybe into the next, but really who am I hurting?  ME!  I’m missing the opportunity to have one more moment of endless possibilities and live a happy life.

Ignorance.  I don’t want to be spared the dark or unpleasant in life as if I live in a bubble.  I’m strong.  I’m calm and patient and rational and know whatever life throws at me, I will be ok and I can choose to be happy or choose to wallow.  Ugh…I loathe wallowing.  It’s a waste when in the end, there are so few things we really can control in life, so why not focus on those things I can control…like for example…my mood…..and let my mood whenever possible be one of happiness.

Perfect.  It is not.  There are days I’m just struggling to be happy.  Instead of letting those stress me out and plague me of guilt for not seizing the day….I practice being gentle with myself (and warn my family!) and accept that every single day, it’s hard to be happy.  Sometimes, we aren’t.  But be careful to not stay “stuck” for too long…..

A chore.  It’s easy really.  Surround yourself with things/people/places that make you happy!  Here’s my list….in no apparent order/significance and with little thought to demonstrate how easy it is to be happiness.

• Family.  Sitting with them watching the Lego Movie and hearing even my 16-year-old giggle a little.  (think he tried to make sure we didn’t hear him.)
• Lemonade
• Baking cookies
• Writing
• Running/yoga/meditation (Yes, I always have to get this plug-in whenever possible. If you read my blog enough, you will see a theme)
• Singing at church like no one is listening to me.  And sounding not that bad. 🙂
• Walking Layla, the Wonderdog
• Oberon (it’s a Michigan thing!)
• Smell of basil
• Long runs at the park with my Dances with Dirt friends
• Getting my tattoo redone.  I’m sneaking this one in here.  Yes, I have a tattoo.  Yes, it was from WAY before it was cool to have done.  And Yes! I am a poster child for “perhaps you should really research your tattoo artist and what you want done before you get it done.” 22 years later, it’s beautiful and I’m so happy I have a little bit of “peace” as a reminder for me every single day.  I love it, and that’s all that matters.  Phew.  Cathartic.
• Seeing manatees in the wild on vacation.  Later I learned they were in mating season and maybe that explains why there were two together….I feel slightly dirty knowing they might’ve been mating right by me, but I will choose to be happy for seeing them in person.  In their natural environment.
• Fish tacos
• Fruits/vegetables in season
• Big floppy hats, flip-flops and sunscreen
• The landing portion of a flight
• Music- I listen to music EVERY SINGLE DAY.  EVERY DAY.
• Setting the table for dinner
• I could go on……

See easy.  EASY.  this is not rocket science.  But even if it was…..wouldn’t finding your own personal happiness be worth it?

Two great quotes…..

“It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.” Charles Spurgeon.

“Happiness is not something ready made.  It comes from our own actions.” Dalai Lama.

Peace, and happiness……

Happiness is in the journey, not the destination…..

How many times have I heard or said before?  I can’t even count.

But do I/we really live that truth?  Happiness is in our journey.  A conscious choice we make each day?

Heard it reinforced again today, it’s a choice we make.  Do we choose stress? Or do we choose to be happy and have peace?

(will revisit….)

Just finished a fantastic read “Life in a Jar: The Irena Sendler Project.” http://www.irenasendler.org

It’s the events of Irena Sendler.  She was a Polish-Catholic-Social Worker, during the occupation of Poland from the Germans in WWII.  She is credited in saving over 2,500 Jewish babies/children from execution.  I know…..sometimes I wish I was interested in reading lighter topics too…..maybe I’d have more followers on my blog if I wrote about the latest romance novel?  Sigh….

I found her entire life story enthralling. I didn’t want to stop reading.  Ever find a book where you almost didn’t want it to end?  So much so I have convinced my husband to extend our trip to Germany (to run the Berlin Marathon) and go to Poland first to visit the Warsaw ghetto, or what’s left of it after the Nazi’s left it destroying everything they could as they vacated.

Irena was amazing.  Not just because she, like me, is Polish.  And Catholic.  And a Social worker.  (((Smiling))))  Rather, her essence goes far beyond her heritage, or her religion, or her occupation….her character is what made her truly amazing (and the worthy recipient of the Noble Peace Prize when she was nominated but snubbed by Al Gore, but that’s the story for another day)…..She was brave beyond what I can even imagine.

Night after night I sat reading on my Ipad, in my comfy bed, with Layla my wonder dog warming my feet, glued to the pages of this book….thinking “how did she have the courage?”, “wasn’t she afraid?”, “how did she have the strength?”, “how did she do the ‘right’ thing, when it was so much easier to do the ‘easy’ thing and look the other way?”  And if it were me…”what would I do?”

I don’t know the answer.

Irena was not the only one with an amazing story.  There were countless stories of courage and bravery and strength.  Take Ewa, Irena’s beloved friend.  A young woman much like Irena.  Courageous.  Determined.  Fearless.  But unlike Irena, Ewa was Jewish.  Unlike Irena, Ewa was persecuted based solely on her religion.

Tears filled my eyes as I read what I knew was to happen to Ewa.  One could see her story unfolding, and yet, with each passing day, as the vice from the Gestapo closed tighter and tighter around the Warsaw Ghetto and the people who lived there, Ewa would say “God willing, things will get better.” An eternal optimist in the face of, well let’s face it Hell on Earth.  incomprehensible actions on humans. In my thoughts, I kept thinking…how did she choose to be happy with all the stress and heartache that surrounded her?

It is her voice I hear in my thoughts when I am quiet.  Her story that replayed in my head as I meditated this morning in yoga.

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.” Helen Keller.

Just like Helen, Ewa could’ve chosen to be angry and bitter….but she chose happiness and peace.  And really, who would blame her?  In the midst of starvation, of filth, of murder around her, of persecution, of humiliation, of heartache and terror of knowing what could happen in her life…..Ewa chose happiness and peace…..

Damn.  If she can do that, what is my (or any of our) excuses?

I have a roof over my head.   I have clothes on my back. I have food in my belly (albeit mostly juice right now but that’s “my choice”….).  I have a healthy and happy family.  I have a job that brings me meaning and joy each day.  I have faith.  I have so much….sure…I don’t have the latest and greatest of whatever society thinks I should have, but really, I know deep down I didn’t care before I read Irena’s (and even more so Ewa’s) story…and I am certain now that I don’t need any of that to be happy.

Ok, I’d really, really like a villa in Jamaica someday….but by the off-chance that I don’t get to buy one or have one come floating down on my lap…..I think I can be pretty happy with my journey anyway…..

One last quote I love to ponder for the night…..“It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness.” Thomas Jefferson. 

Absolutely Mr. Jefferson.  Absolutely.

Peace……..

Peace….and gratitude. How do you get prepared for Thanksgiving?

 

This Thursday, I will not be vacationing anywhere exotic, I will not be at a fancy gourmet restaurant (or serving a gourmet meal).  I will not be surrounded by the trendy or famous our exclusive list of who’s who in America.  I will not be dressed in haute couture, nor will I be toasting with expensive or exquisite spirits.  What will I be doing on Thanksgiving?

Giving thanks….for all that I do have, and hopefully showing gratitude to all friends/family who I am able to celebrate the holiday with this year.

I will get up early to start dinner, and will run with our kids and friends of our kids in a “sometimes annual” Turkey Day Fun Run (in lieu of the HUGE Turkey Trot in our town.)  We will toast with some sort of beverage, and eat some goodies, all justified because we just ran!  I hope our efforts to have this as a tradition for our kids will be an example of the need to find balance in life…..hard work (running) and fun (celebrating with food/drinks).  I’m grateful for our kids and our friends (and family) most of all in life.  Without them, nothing else matters.   Really, nothing.

Dinner and our table are filled with memories and symbolism….. is yours?

We will then move to the meal portion of the day…..my favorite part.  The preparing, the planning, setting the table, and then, of course, the eating….

• We will be at home, crammed around a table we bought when we first moved into this house.  No where exotic.
• We will be eating a meal prepared by me, my mom, and my mother in law.  None of us are gourmet cooks, but everything we prepare is prepared with love.
• Our guest list varies each year- sometimes friends- sometimes a mixture of sides of the family.  This year, it’s just us and my parents and mother in law.  But our home is open…..so if you know anyone who needs a place, I’d be honored.
• I don’t even really know what haute couture is, but I’m pretty certain I own nothing that is.  I will, however, be dressed in up as a nod to feeling honored by the company I am keeping on Thursday.
• Wine/champagne shall always accompany our Thanksgiving dinner, but decisions on what to serve are dictated far more by what I like and affordability than vineyard or year or undertones or hints of whatever is in my beverage.

We will have: (traditional fixings, and the following……)

• Turkey- placed on a “Turkey” serving dish from my step mother in law.  Because she cannot be with us, her dish serves as a reminder of her love.
• Pierogies, Dill Pickle Soup, Challah bread, horseradish, and Kielbasa.  Honoring my  Polish heritage, and in memory of all our family who are no longer with us.
• Sweet Potato Casserole- a recipe given to me from a former co-worker.  It has become a family favorite, and I think of her grace and beauty and kindness every time we serve this dish.
• Flowers- my mother in law always brings the most gorgeous center pieces.  It is something I never remember to do, and she never ever forgets.
• Table cloth & napkins- custom designed from my mom. I am grateful for her talent and instilling in me the importance of setting a pretty table for family meals.
• Depressions Glass- from my grandma and my aunt (both sides of family).  I have no idea if it’s valuable or not, but I LOVE it.  I LOVE that generations of my family have eaten on the same dishes, I love that it speaks to a simpler time of life, and I love how beautifully delicate the dishes are.  Of everything I put on the table, I love these the most.

Quote for the day “feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William Arthur Ward.

This gives me something to think about before I develop my Thanksgiving list- of all that I’m grateful for in 2013.