Ever become engrossed with the “if only” or “would it be nice if” so much so that you miss the beauty that is before you?
My husband graduated with his MBA this past weekend. It was a huge milestone for not only him, but our family. Two years of sacrificing time, money, sleep, and house hold chores/projects. Two years of planning outings/vacations/events around an extremely demanding school schedule. It reminds me of marathon training in that unless you have done it yourself or someone close to you has, it is easy to underestimate the number of hours and weeks and months (and in this case years) of preparation that go into that one moment. The moment your name is read (or in marathon terms, when you cross the finish line) and you are publicly recognized for your sacrifices and know that in some way, it is all worth it.
This past week, some people we would’ve liked to be present at his graduation or the party afterwards were not only “not” present, they didn’t even call to congratulate my husband. It was painful. I was trying to think why it bothered me so much. Why does their not recognizing his efforts even matter? I don’t know if it is as much needing the appreciation, though deny all we might, we all need that in our lives. Rather, the absence appeared to confirm the belief that in truth, we matter so little to these people that they couldn’t even take a few moments to call and say “good job!” ….and that is what is truly painful.
So where does the letting go part fit in?
When I sit back and reflect on “what if — was there?” or “What if things were different?”….I can, just like everyone else get marrowed down in my disappointment and sadness. If I follow that path, if I choose to look at those who were not there, I would miss the beauty that this weekend really presented.
Graduation day was amazing. To see all these brilliantly happy (yes, for sure some were probably “brilliant” as well) people all gathered to celebrate these great accomplishments was great to be a witness. For our 2 boys, still in the midst of their education, to witness their Dad getting his diploma and recognized for his hard work, I hope, is something they will never forget. One of my favorite quotes, written on the chalk board next to our monthly schedule reads “Nothing great is ever achieved without much enduring.” (a quote from my sorority years…). Repeat…Nothing. Great. Is EVER achieved, without much enduring. If I had stayed stuck in my disappointment and the “what ifs”, may be I would’ve missed the opportunity to draw this parallel for my kids. “See…all those nights Dad was up studying, was so he could reach this point. Won’t it be great when we’re here for you one day?” A gift. It was a choice…I had to make….focus on the what ifs, or celebrate in the now…..
So all of this was easy to recognize in some ways in the midst of the pomp and circumstance…but what about the next day? When the fanfare wore off, the robes were put away and we gathered with our friends and family to celebrate the end of these past 2 years and the beginning of whatever the next chapter holds?
For a moment, I thought of those who weren’t present. For a moment I felt the anger and disappointment welling up inside me…and then I looked. I really looked out at our friends and family who were there. And I realized, we have some seriously special people around us. From the day my husband entered the program until the day we toasted with our family and friends at the local brewery, people have been there every step of the way. I can’t thank them enough for their support. In focusing on this, in focusing on the now, the “what if’s” all faded away. They no longer mattered, because truthfully I have no control over the “what ifs“, so I choose to focus on the now.
Another favorite quote “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Seuss
Love Dr. Seuss. Brilliant.
Peace……
peaceinthejourney 