Embrace the beauty of sweet impermanence

“Impermanence ….. the notion that all of conditioned existence, without exception, is transient, or in a constant state of flux.”

I embrace it.  I assert that nothing in life is permanent.  Nothing.  Death and taxes are said to be two of the only things in life that are absolutes.  Yet, every year countless people do not pay taxes ( or savvy business people or politicians find “loop holes” to escape the said absolute the rest of us have bought into paying yearly (or quarterly…) and I haven’t died yet so I’m not even certain that death is an absolute rather a transitional period in this aspect we call life.  I guess when it happens, I will then know if that state is an absolute permanent one….until then, I will assert nothing in life is absolutely permanent.

With that notion, with that belief, there is freedom.  Freedom to make each day better than the previous day.  Freedom to evaluate what works well in your life, and what doesn’t, and make necessary changes.  Freedom to allow yourself to just be in the moment, knowing no matter how difficult or how joyous, the only thing certain that will follow is difference.  Freedom.

In clinical practice, I work with clients who are absolutely certain the negative emotions they’re experiencing will with absolutely certainty never ever be any less intense than the moment they walked into my office.  And with complete regularity, in that absolute moment they’re sharing their negative experiences, there is light, there is change, there is movement, there is hope.

One of the scariest experiences in life is to believe in our hearts that our pain, our sorrow, or anguish will forever be exactly as it is in the moment we are most acutely experiencing it.  But when we look at the concept or belief of impermanence, when we truly embrace that in life nothing can ever be exactly constant, then we can begin to understand when we allow ourselves to change to move to grow, we give ourselves permission to let go of the negative and painful emotions and accept the good that come from everything in life.  EVERYTHING.

I’ve written before on the good that came from 9/11.  Not the event.  Not the death.  Not the terror.  Not the pain.  Not the horror.  But the good that came from humans helping other humans.  The good that came from people embracing life, embracing love, embracing each other and knowing in a moment…..life can be changed in a way that can seem inconceivable, and would we really want our last moments in this earthly body to be filled with hatred, to be filled with anger, to be filled with angst when there are so many other choices we can decide for ourselves if we allow ourselves to be open to change…

I’m often asked how it is that I can be so calm in the face of tragedy.  How is it that I rarely seem angry or frazzled, even when there are outside stimuli trying to get me to react in a negative manner.  My answer is simple, and perhaps abstract at the same time….I truly believe so little if anything in life is permanent, and when I have let go and let God or let go and just let my life’s course do as it will…..there I find peace. There I find light.  There I find love.  Simple And Complex.

No matter how joyous, or how tragic our life is, no emotion we feel is ever permanent.  So why give the negative so much power over us?  Perhaps if we let go more, and waited for the joy to come, then we would find the inner peace so many of us are truly looking for in our lives?

Peace……..

30 day yoga challenge….check!

30 days! Yes. I. Did.  

I’m not sure if completing my 30 day yoga challenge is as important as understanding where it all began, and how much has changed since then.  

Prior to last December, I had done yoga exactly 1 time.  1 time.  In clinical practice, I had encouraged others to try yoga thinking in a very existential way that it “must be good” for people to help stretch and relax, but really didn’t understand (1) the effort it takes to practice, (2) the strength it takes to practice or (3) the commitment it takes to practice.

So on a random day last December, I decided I wanted to try yoga and signed up for a class with my neighbor.  I was awkward, nervous, uncoordinated and quickly became acutely aware of my lack of upper and core body strength.  But I loved it, weird?

8 months later, I decided to try a “30 day yoga challenge.”   

My journey to the “30 day challenge” isn’t markedly unlike my journey with running, my journey with writing, my journey with now writing my book..once I make up my mind to do something, I’m all in! 

But the thing I find relatable, perhaps, or want people to understand is I had zero experience with it (and also have a chronic pain condition I deal with everyday) and I did it anyway.  It’s somewhat like jumping off a cliff with a parachute and “hoping” it opens and glides me safely to the ground and in the meantime, there is something I need to learn in the process.  I had no idea what I was getting into, but somewhere inside of me I felt like I was being pushed to try something new.  

• There were days I didn’t want to get up and go to yoga, I got up anyway. 
• There were days I was sore and exhausted, but I went anyway. 
• There were days I was juggling my family life, work life, and had a run to do, but I went anyway. 
• There were days I felt insecure with my mind and body and really didn’t want to go to yoga, but I went anyway.  

Doing something we feel like we can’t do or are scared of doing does far more for us than doing something in our comfort zone ever will.  Sometimes, we need to be uncomfortable, we need to feel uneasy to really push ourselves towards our full potential.

So how does pushing beyond our comfort zone enable us to do things we once thought were impossible?  

My 20s and 30s year old self would’ve never thought it was possible to: 

• Leave a consistent steady job (and paycheck) and opt for a more challenging/fulfilling career as a private therapist (every paycheck is a “mystery’ depending on # clients seen, etc).  The fear of the unknown “could’ve” kept me from the best job I’ve ever had! 
• Run a block.  Let alone a 5k, or half or full or the wonderful distances in between. I may never be the first one to finish a race, but I finish.  And had I let the fear of “what do I look like when I”m running” override my thoughts, I would’ve never known how sweet it is to receive a medal just for having the courage to run the race.  I wish everyone could know that feeling. 
• Do yoga.  That was for hippie dippie types.  Wait…I was much more hippie dippie then, why wasn’t I doing yoga then? 
• Commit to write a book and start interviewing people, some of whom I hardly know, about peace.  Me.  Of all the things I’ve done and I’m doing, this one is the most daunting and thus scares me the most…… But….

Having the success of other things in my life that I’ve been scared of or insecure about has helped me prepare for this next challenge.  And isn’t that what life is all about?  Getting ready for the next challenge in life?  Big or small….I believe with all that I am that challenges keep us moving forward, interesting and interested in life.  

So if you’re considering the next challenge in life that you’re scared to take on for fear of the unknown….you are not alone!

Know I’ve done this….

• Had days I’ve second guessed myself leaving the security of my steady paycheck and job.  
• Started a race I couldn’t finish…but at least I had the courage to start.  
• Had to take child’s pose, been terrified doing a handstand, had to modify my stances in yoga because I have had to face and accept my limitations.
• Put out writing that has been critiqued by others, and accept whatever feedback has been offered.

The uncertainty, failures, limitations of life, and critiques have done more to help me more forward in my journey than the desire to stay “safe” ever could.  

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste time living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition.” Steve Jobs 

Different like Everyone Else.

I remember being an adolescent and wanting nothing more than to fit in.  I thought if I looked like everyone else, then surely the other kids would like me and if they liked me, I’d be happy.

By the time I was in 4th grade, I had already been living in 4 different cities, and had attended 3 different schools.  I was shy, felt socially awkward, and wanted desperately to be like “everyone else.” I wanted Jordache jeans (dates me), feathered hair, and leg warmers.  I wanted to feel like I belonged.

Well….my Mom and Dad wouldn’t buy me Jordache jeans, I have a pretty prominent widow’s peak in my hair (thus feathering is NOT a good look) and lets just say my calves don’t need additional padding (I should’ve been a soccer player with my strong calf muscles)…… and I certainly did not EVER feel like I fit in or was like everyone else. And looking back, I know I wasn’t happy.  But was it because of what others saw in me or what I saw in myself?

When there are billions of people on our planet, why do we want to look like or be like everyone else?

I struggled in my teen years.  Also attending 3 different high schools, and continuing to feel like I didn’t fit in with my peers.  I remember hearing my parents say I didn’t fit in because I “chose to” not fit in. At the time, I didn’t understand what they meant….but soon, it began to make sense to me.

By the time I went to college, I began to find myself.  Finally….I began to see who I was and who I wanted to be.  I loved that time of life- dedicated to learning, experimenting, and living life to the fullest!

I started to no longer care that others thought about me, and became more focused on what I thought about ME.  Not in a narcissistic, self consumed sort of way, rather a conscious movement towards trying to live a more authentic life.  I began to embrace my short stature and accepted the fact that palazzo pants would never, ever look good on me no matter how “in style” they were.  I let go of wanting to have the “it” hair style that matched my age/stage, and chose to focus on having that reflected my free-flowing spirit that lay beneath the exterior that is visible to others.  And instead of covering up body parts which made me feel insecure, I focused on celebrating the strong, healthy body I had rather than mourn over the body that could never be.

So where does that transformation come from in a person?  When people see me in my adult self, I’m aware my insecurities don’t appear pronounced, and I credit that much to internal work on self.  I worked at it, and still do, daily. 

When clients come to me for therapy, unhappy with their lives, they often initially want a quick fix to make it better….They want the magic wand I quickly profess I do not possess.  My response is usually the same…..”So I hear you saying you want your life to be different.  What are you doing differently to have a ‘different life’?”

Silence……

Much like my metamorphosis to move from the insecure, painfully shy and ashamed of who I am adolescent and teenage self to the strong, confident and spirited person I like to think of myself as being today, I too have had to work to change my thoughts/perspectives and see things differently in order for them to actually be different.

How?

Find what makes you happy, rather than trying to mold yourself to someone else’s ideal.  I LOVE writing.  Sorta a nerdy thing, but I could spend all day/night writing….it makes me happy.  So who cares?

Find some movement in your day, every day.  Dance.  Swim.  Hike.  Climb.  Do something!  I’m a long distance runner (long should also refer to how long it takes me to run long distances….laughing) and started yoga 7 months ago.  I’m not necessarily talented at either of them, but love how happy doing them makes me.  So who cares?

Find your own style.  Preppy.  Hippy. Conservative.  Whatever it is, find what makes you feel like your true inner self is being expressed and in congruence with your inner self.  True beauty comes when our inner and outer self meet in harmony.  I wear flip-flops and for as long as I can tolerate in our colder Midwest climate.  Even if others don’t think it looks “fashionable”, I like them and it makes me happy.  So who cares?

Letting go of feeling like you have to be perfect, and embracing all of our idiosyncracies is what makes us different and truly makes our world beautiful.

P!NK says it very nicely here…..(explicit lyrics, warning)

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Peace and happy finding your uniqueness today!

Peace all begins in the journey with self…..

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace.  One must believe in it.  And it isn’t enough to believe in it.  One must work at it.” Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve had an ongoing discussion recently with a friend of mine regarding “why peace?” Why is it so important to me?  When did it start?  I’m not of the “hippie” generation, thus to be younger and fully embrace the concept isn’t commonplace for my Gen X peeps. And for me, it isn’t as much about wanting to state that I’m anti-war, though really, aren’t we all?  Well may be not the companies who produce the weapons that soldiers use in war, but overall, wouldn’t most of us state that we ‘want’ peace?

For me, it’s much more about a deep, introspective journey with self.  Trying, daily, to find my path, and live my life more simply, more fully, to where the stressors of life bother me less, and my ability to be content becomes more of a reality rather than an aspiration of mine.

So where did it start?  Amidst of the chaos of my life somewhere in raising children, trying to be a good wife, battling issues with my own self esteem and body image, trying to figure out what I was really meant to be doing in life, dealing with hurts from friends/family, heartache over losing friends/family members to cancer and other devastating illnesses, financial burdens and uncertainties…somewhere in there….I started the journey.

I state journey…because it is just that.  A journey.  I’m curious to learn how some view me.  I understand and am fully cognizant of my own personal journey, sometimes dark and morose, but forget that I’ve come such a long way and the person I once was- the person filled with self-doubt and insecurities, isn’t the person I am today (most days).  I forget that while most may see me as this calm, peaceful, steady and compassionate person, I wasn’t always that way.  There are days in clinical practice, or with my un-official therapeutic conversations with my running friends that I need to remind both myself and the others around me while I really am calm, peaceful, steady and compassionate now, it is something I continue to work at daily.

So it made me think about the concept of working at something that matters.  Why do so many in our world fail to understand the concept of working towards what matters to us?  When did we lose the value or concept of “work”?  When did people start to think that a “happy/peaceful life” should be just handed to them without having to actually work for it?

“Nothing will work unless you do.” Maya Angelou. 

So my advice to people, both clinically and personally, if one wants to have a peaceful/happy life, one needs to work for it.  Daily.

• Decide what’s important in you life.
• Eliminate what no longer suits you.
• Focus on service to others.
• Find an exercise to do daily (ideally) to process your excess stress/energy
• Spend time daily in prayer or mediation.  Daily.
• Take care of your body.  Eat what nourishes you, not always what is easy and available.
• Practice a mindset of gratitude.
• Never give up finding your own path…..

I remember reading somewhere that it matters less what happens in our life and more what we choose to do with it.  We could all give up and become bitter and resentful and angry for the myriad of hardships or disservice we experience in life….or we could choose to practice finding peace and happiness for the many gifts, wonders, beauties, and joys in life.

Want to guess which choice I’m making today?

Peace……in your journey today and always…..

Life overload……

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a kind smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia

I so loved him.  What a brilliant man.

I’ve taken a break from writing/blogging.  Consciously.  I really, really missed it.  It was hard to not have a place to put down my thoughts….

Ever have the experience of “hearing” something and wishing you could “unhear it?”

In clinical practice, I have learned to be able to be present with clients when I’m in session, but out of professional necessity, when I’m away from clients I need to put their problems “away” to focus on someone else, or perhaps my own family (or dare I say SELF) for once.  I say, sorta in jest…..

Over the past few weeks, however, I’ve had more family/friend “stuff”, sad news from others, and realized, the clinical practice I utilize with clients, doesn’t work so well with family and friends.  No, this is not my first rodeo, I understand this intellectually, but this past week, the “life overload” just kinda hit me…….I realized I am unable to just neatly put away on a shelf friends/family stuff and consciously not think about it.  My heart aches for others who are really struggling right now for a myriad of reasons, and I just wish I could help, but know my role is to just listen…..

I’ve been really blessed lately to have some particularly supportive people encouraging me to keep writing, to find my focus, and “plan” what I want to eventually do with my writing. Sometimes I’m really, really good with planning.  Like in marathon training, I excel…or maybe survive is a better term at some points….with a plan.  However, in other areas, I do find that I wander a bit in a place of not knowing…..I admit it.  But I’m starting to understand the difficulty in knowing my “plan” has more to do with my desire to chart my own course, so naturally….there is no plan.  My plan is my un-plan.  Shockingly…that is not a word, yes, I am stating it before someone corrects me….

I do have some ideas.  I’m starting…to find the path I’ve started, leading to wherever un-chartered territory I’m meant to go…..

So the question keeps arising in my head…why do I write?  Why is it important that I write- and in a public forum- on my journey with peace?  Here are my honest, unfiltered thoughts….

I would like to think if people describe me, they’d say I’m peaceful and calm and compassionate, not necessarily in that order but among the adjectives to describe me I hope that at least one of those words would be on the list.  I hope that is how I appear, as for the most part that is how I feel.  However, I didn’t always feel that way.  When I was a teenager and a young adult (ugh…I’m no longer a young adult…but that’s another story.  laughing, a little) I was depressed and felt “less than” and lonely and lost.  I sought comfort in ways that I, in my adult self, find unsettling.  I remember feeling like I was the-only-person-who-felt-like-I-did-in-the-world.  There is really no worse feeling, feeling like you’re the only one.  So when I started blogging…I wanted more than anything to show that honestly through my writing, to show while I’m in a much better space than I once was, I really, really remember the feel of darkness, the taste of despair, the sound of sorrow….I remember.  Perhaps it makes me more empathic as a therapist, it isn’t something I share with clients, but perhaps it is something they can sense (I hope) in my genuine approach to therapy.

So why do I write?  Maybe if I can reach one other person today who is having a rough day to know that I’ve been there…and I work at finding peace just. like. everyone. else.  Daily……

Today, my journey started with getting my 2 favorite boys off to school.  Days like this are fleeting…I cherish each moment when I remember to remind myself how old they’re getting and one day they will be off on their own.  Gulp.  Making my absolute favorite Island Green Smoothie. Yum.  Going to Yoga with an incredibly talented and gentle spirit of a yoga teacher.  A short run with the wonder Dog Layla.  The BEST! And a walk outside in nature……sigh……

I could’ve curled up in a ball and felt bleak and helpless in thinking about my friends/family who are really struggling right now, but instead, I focused on being the healthiest/most positive self I can be, and remembered sometimes all people really need when they’re going through hardships is to know…they aren’t alone…..and to know when they need it, there is someone on this earth who will listen….I feel grateful when I re-direct my “knowing/hearing” overload as something less a burden and more an honor and privilege.

I can’t “fix” my friends/family problems.  As soon as I remembered this, the “life overload” began to lift.  I remembered that sad teenager/young adult whom once I was, and know if I felt like I had someone else who was there to just “listen” and not attempt to “fix” my problems, perhaps I would’ve not felt so alone.  Perhaps it wouldn’t have taken me years and years to find my way to the peaceful, calm, compassionate self I now fancy myself to be.

So to all those struggling out there today/tonight….know you are not alone…for if you have read this blog, know I”m thinking about you and wishing you great peace in love.

Today…that is my purpose in writing…..

One of my favorite songs….hope you enjoy…..

 

Peace…….

 

My typical weekend, grown up version…..

My typical weekend, grown up version (not “x” rated version, geez!) is so different from when I was in my early 20s.  You know, back when I “thought” I was a grown up.

No offense to those who may possibly read this and are in that age group, I loved my early 20s.  Back then, I could survive on a  couple of hours of sleep, never “needed” to exercise, could drink however much I wanted and recuperate on the couch the entire next day only to sometimes decide to repeat all over again (yes, this is true.  I’m not proud.  But honest), eat whatever I wanted and maintain roughly the same weight, never even thought about retirement (Ok, I still don’t really think about that yet, probably I should….) and I didn’t have the 2 most wonderful additions in my life who depend on me to actually “be” a grown up instead of just “thinking” I am one.

We lived a very carefree life going to concerts on “school nights”, grocery shopped when there was nothing left in the refrigerator but perhaps a jar of hot sauce and some stale bread and more likely when there was no more beer left in the house (Oh the crisis!), ate whatever was easy rather than what was considerably healthy, and didn’t really think much about it.  Simple.  But thinking back, I didn’t really “feel” healthy during those years.  I think how silly that sounds when logically one in his/her 20s typically is in good health and should feel well.

It wasn’t until I had my children, when I really started seeing myself as a grown up and knowing that I needed to be as healthy as I could for them, for me.

When did that happen?

Somewhere along the way when I forgot for a moment that I was indeed a mom of 2 young children, and decided to go out and have too many drinks (or as our family refers to it “tee many mar-toonies”….doesn’t sound as funny when I write it down…sigh….) and then had to take care of my VERY young children the next day.  Nothing can slap you into reality quite like this scenario.  No sleeping on the couch until God-knows when.  No endless channel surfing of sappy Lifetime movies.  No stumbling to the neighborhood diner to eat some greasy omelet with my then standard diet coke or more preferably diet dr. pepper.  And for sure no repeat performances.

Thank goodness they came along.  For me….I make no judgement when I write that because certainly others function quite well and are quite happy with that pattern in their lives, but for me, my 20something year old self even knew there was a different path for me…..

So flash forward, a FEW years later…….goes something like this….

Friday….in bed by 10pm so I can get up the next day for running with friends.

Saturday….

• up by 7 to make smoothie and get ready to meet friends for group run.
• Meet friends by 8:30 to run 5 miles through a hilly part of town.  Midway in the run, I find out that we are running closer to 7 miles.          Surprise!
• Quick shower and go to yoga at 11:15 with one of my running friends.
• Yoga.  Bliss.
• Shower #2.
• Grocery shopping.  More fruits and vegetables than anything.  I love that!
• Mass.  (church to those non-catholics out there)
• Dinner with Mother in law and family.  One glass of delicious red wine.
• Watching the Olympics.
• Bed by 10:30.

Sunday…..

• Up by 7.  Make smoothie.  Make juices for day.
• Yoga at 8:30.  Fabulous.
• Running with the wonderdog Layla after.
• Shower.
• Afternoon of watching home improvement shows, writing in my blog, planning out my week, and planning for our trip to Europe to run the Berlin Marathon.
• Baked cookies.  New recipe.
• Quiet evening….until my boys asked to have friends stay the night and turn our house into a video game romper room haven.  Sigh…..

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

In my 20s….I didn’t have the energy to desire or energy or understanding of the importance of exercise in my life.  I wouldn’t have ever thought that I could run a marathon let alone be preparing for my 5th.  In my 20s….I never would have thought I’d have the discipline to do a juice fast or even know what one was….now I’ve done several.  In my 20s….I never would have thought a great day started with yoga and running…..now I’m bummed out if I can’t fit it in with my schedule with work and mom duty.  In my 20s….the thought of staying in meant I was either sick or broke (or both)…now it means I am hanging with my family watching Transformers for the zillionth time, and content in doing so.  This may or may not include having a beer or wine, instead of 20.  In my 20s….I spend way more time trying to be the person I thought others wanted me to be….rather than being the person I want to be.  Period.  When my mostly grown up self thinks about it now….I really want to get to the point of not caring what others think of me, not in a place of irreverence, but of living with integrity and grace and knowing my decisions are the best for me.  Period.

“Keeping up the appearance of having all your marbles is hard work, but important.” Sara Gruen, Water for Elephants.  

Interesting quote…but do any of us really have all our marbles?  Aren’t the oddities that make all of us unique really ok?

In the end, I don’t want to think of being a grown up as being boring.  My choices to live healthier more days than not, don’t mean that I pass on the extra cocktail all the time, to me it just means that I’ve for the first time in my life have balance.

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony.” Thomas Merton

EXACTLY!

Peace…..

What is “normal” anyway?

“Here’s to the kids who are different, the kids who don’t always get A’s, The kids who have ears twice the size of their peers, And noses that go on for days…..

Here’s to the kids who are different, The kids they call crazy or dumb, The kids who don’t fit, with the guts and the grit, who dance to a different drum…..

Here’s to the kids who are different, The kids with the mischievous streak, For when they have grown, as history’s shown, It’s their difference that makes them unique.”  Digby Wolfe

I had this poem at my desk for years when I worked as a social worker with kids, and remember believing working with kids who were “different” and helping them to embrace their “uniqueness” was really important. I remember being that child who felt different, and alone so often.  I wish I had someone when I was a kid around me who read and embraced Digby Wolfe’s poem who maybe could’ve helped me to be ok with being different…..

I heard someone recently saying “we’re all unique, just like everyone else” and I thought a lot about it…..

That sounds so much better than we’re “different”, right?  Hearing the words “your different” instantly makes me think there’s a negative connotation associated rather than something one should embrace and something that’s a uniquely human trait.  What I wonder is when the concept of being the same become something we all bought into as humans?

What if we all ate toast every morning, had toast every day for lunch, and toast every day for dinner.  At what point would we scream out “all I want to eat is ANYTHING but toast!” Wouldn’t we miss the flavors of Mexican, Chinese, etc. foods?

What if we all wore the color brown, every single day….wouldn’t we be missing seeing the beauty of the spectrum of the rainbow?

What if we all drove the same cars, lived in the same house, and listened to the same music?

It is in the subtle, and sometimes not so subtle nuances, that we find our true selves, our differences, that make us unique.

So instead of running away from our “quirks/differences/idiosyncracies” let us embrace them!

I write about peace and really strive to live/eat/breathe all that is peaceful in my life.  I also grew up and enjoyed watching professional boxing.  Weird, right?

What makes you unique?  Don’t know? Maybe you spent too much time trying to fit in and not enough time trying to be Y-O-U?

Hmmmm……

Peace…….

“Yoohoo”….it’s what’s for breakfast?

 

Apparently I had some technical difficulties with my blog post yesterday…so I’m editing and adding to it a bit….

8:30 a.m.  I’m in the checkout and the man behind me is buying 2 items.  Yoohoo and a small canister of pringles.  At 8:30 a.m.  Really? For breakfast?

When I looked up to find out what it actually is, I read Yoohoo is “An American chocolate beverage”…..kinda vague, don’t you think?

So what does this have to do with finding peace? 

Since January 1, I have been on a “mostly” juice fast/feast (which means I drink mostly vegetable and fruit juices- with a large emphasis on juicing dark, leafy greens.) Best “items” I now own….my new Breville juicer, new Ninja blender and my old standby Kitchen Aid mixer which has nothing to do with this journey but I still totally love it!

I started this journey partly to try to lose the last pounds I haven’t been able to shake off/run off/or now yoga-off….. but more because…ok being honest it was almost entirely to lose the weight I haven’t been able to in the last 6 months- or more like 4-5 years.   I so wish I had a more altruistic reason for wanting to juice initially, but there ya go.  Writing it sounds so shallow and exactly the person I strive to “not” be.

However, on this journey, I really have found it to be so much more than ‘just losing weight”….

2 weeks in….I’ve learned

• Food is social.  It’s such an inherent part of our culture, I don’t know why I didn’t really think about how difficult that part of the juice fast/feast would be.  I’ve had to turn down dinner invites and going over to friends’ houses because, initially, it was just too difficult to be surrounded by food and not completely obsess about wanting to eat. However, quite quickly I found I am able to be around others and in fact have had friends over and prepared snacks for them (and meals daily for my family) and I’m completely ok with “not” eating.
• We really need to eat so much less than we think we do.  Of course, I can’t stay in this juice fast/feast endlessly, but for now, I do realize I need to “eat” much less than I had been.  I’m somewhat ashamed at how much I’ve eaten that I didn’t need to eat over the years…..
• When you can’t “eat”…creativity with herbal tea flavors becomes a must-do event.  And drinking tea throughout the day really is relaxing.  Peaceful.  I so miss my Venti Nonfat Chai latte from Starbucks, but I’m learning to relish the simplicity of peppermint tea in my manatee mug.
• In 2 days, I’ve been told by 2 different people who my skin looks really good- GLOWING is how they described it.  Wow…so all these years I’ve heard that hydration helps your skin, perhaps it’s really true? That or my skin looked really bad before?  Hmmm….
• Kale, spinach, romaine lettuce really have subtle flavor in juices.  Who knew?
• Avacado is fantastic in a smoothie.  Seriously delicious with banana, spinach, coconut water and mango.  Again, who knew?

Finally, I’ve by not “eating” per say, I’ve been able to really focus on finding an inner peace with who I am and where I want to go on this journey.  I’ve rested more (my body probably needed it after the holidays), I’ve tried vegetable combinations in new and yes exciting ways, I’ve focused more on slowing down and meditating and yoga (3 things I have been aspiring to do for over a year), and I’ve found a greater sense of peace…..

Yes….all from starting to look, even in this small way, at my world differently….

Peace………

 

My “Non-New Year’s” New Year’s Resolutions

“Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you’ve got.” Jim Rohn.

I dislike New Year’s Resolutions.  Trite.  Short lived. Easily broken.  I rarely even consider them.

So I hesitate to call my most recent decisions to make some changes in my life as “New Year’s Resolutions” (even though that is when I decided to actually implement them) and rather view them as necessary changes in my mind/body/spirit that have taken me a lifetime (not just a few moments at the stroke of midnight) to decide to do…..that happened to coincide with New Year’s.

I recently “re-took” the Myers Briggs personality test and was less than shocked to find out that I am (according to this test) INFJ personality  type.  Introverted.  Intuitive.  Feeling.  Judging.  None is surprising.  Scoring highest in being “introverted and feeling” categories (no surprise). Less than 1% of those who take it are INFJ’s.  That I find shocking since I know several others who fell into the same category.  Coincidence?  Hmmm……

What surprised me more was my reaction to the results and my acknowledgment of my long-term struggle with wanting to be “other than” the results.  While many are surprised to learn I am introverted, according to the test and I can attest, I am most certainly.  While I am in the position to speak in front of others on occasion, I would most preferably not.

I would like to have a shut off valve for my intuition as there are times “not knowing” would be so much easier. It’s a sinking, unsettling experience at times I’d rather not have.  Maybe I’d be a good crime solver?

I read “INFJ’s take great care of other people’s feelings and expect others to return the favor.” Feeling.  Perhaps something that makes me effective in my job? Perhaps.  I remember my Mom telling me years ago, “you set very high standards for people, and when they fail to meet your standards, you’re disappointed.” Maybe she meant “unrealistic”?  Ouch.  Sensitive.  Vulnerable.  Leading to potential stress…..

Judging.  Decisive…prefer clear rules and guidelines.  Decisive, I’m not sure I agree.  But I do exist best with clear and definitive guidelines and expectations and troubled when I don’t have that as my gauge.

What I’m troubled about in accepting who I am has much to do with in some ways, wishing I was different.  Wondering what it would be like to be extroverted or thinking or sensing or prospecting.  Wonder what that’s like?

Seems futile, for our personality traits are as innate within us as our fingerprints.  Just part of who we are.  And unlike my hair color, ever-changing with the season or a whim, who I am is just that…who I am. 

So what does all this have to do with my “non-New Year’s Resolutions” anyway?

This year, I’m committing to a greater sense of peace and acceptance of who I am, personality traits and all, by this profound and well-known quote as my focal point for reflection:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Reinhold Niebuhr.

Accept the things I cannot change.  My personality.  “Be who you are and say how you feel, for those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Seuss. One of my all time favorites.

Courage to change the things I can. Through running, yoga, meditation, practicing of faith and my new-found appreciation for juicing (sure to be a blog topic at a later date), and concentration on being the healthiest in mind/body and spirit I can be.  End of story.

And the wisdom to know the difference.  My New Year….will be an exploration on this…the wisdom to know what I can, and cannot change…..and the strength to make the decisions to change something in my life, even if I’m scared to do it.

There is a sense of peace in joy in having a plan, being ok with my feelings even if I don’t know exactly where the plan is taking me.  That seems like progress on pushing myself out of my “INFJ” personality trait already! (smiling….)

Peace…

Ode to running…..2013

When people ask me: (1) why I run or (2) isn’t it cold or (3) how can I do run when it snows or (4) isn’t it boring or (5) why do you run again?  The answer occurred to me yesterday….Want to guess where?  Of course…running.

Ode to Running……

2013 has brought to me many challenges as a runner.  Intertwined with my personal and professional life, running has been a place for me to process all the changes that have occurred over the past year, including but not limited to my career change & my husband in an intensive MBA program.  As a runner, I’ve continued to struggle with chronic pain issues and the impact that has on my performance for races.  Emotionally more than anything.

But what I’ve learned over this past year, is I’m strong.  I am not fast.  I am not proficient or graceful or amazing at running, but I’m determined and stubborn and strong as a runner (and yes, as a person.) Thank you running, for reminding me. 

So, as my husband & I set out for a run together…WAIT!  Stop the presses!  We what?  We rarely run together. And by rarely, I literally can count on one hand how many times we have run together over the past 8 years since I began this journey.  But as the snow was starting to settle on our cold winter town, and the thought of our later day plans loomed (complete with dinner and drinks= calories galore!), the question was posed “Do you want me to run with you?” and I quickly, without much thought responded “yes.”

This may not seem like a momentous decision, but a major reason I don’t run with him is my insecurity with running slower.  While I have run for longer than my husband, he is by far a better athlete and thus, the thought of running with him (or any other faster runner) instantly challenges my thoughts of myself as a runner and whether or not I am “worthy enough” to call myself a runner.

But 2013 has taught me that I don’t have to be the fastest runner to hang with the big kids.  I’m grateful to my Dances with Dirt team (Ted, Walter, Hoff, and Mt. Gay) for pushing me to run my fastest times in a challenging course and being proud of me no matter what. With our very generous race handicap, we finished 88th out of 400some teams.  Age/gender do have advantages, finally.

Somewhere in recesses of my mind, the confidence gained from that race experience allowed me to run Thanksgiving day with my new friend Stefanie, an uber fast and much younger runner, and be ok with the fact that on that day, I indeed was holding her back but the journey was in the run, not the destination.  The pre-2013 running me would have declined the opportunity to run with her.  What a shame, as it was one of the best conversations I’ve had in quite some time.

Finally, the pre-2013 running me wouldn’t sign up for a marathon if I knew I had to run it by myself.  Silly, really, because here’s a not-so-secret thought…..in a marathon…. WE ALL RUN IT BY OURSELVES.  No one can run it for you.  So after running Marine Corps this year by myself (not by design….but by mass confusion) and without music because my headphones broke after 2 songs, I realized, I can run by myself.  I don’t prefer it but I can do it.  2014, I will be running the Berlin Marathon.  While I will not none of my running friends by my side, the 20+ people I’ve inspired to run a full or half marathon (yes, Tanya I did count in my head) will be with me in spirit and help me continue on when I want to quit….or think “am I really a runner?”

So on that snowy run….I found a gentle smile growing across my face.  The cold air, the slippery snow, the slower pace…none of it bothered me as I was, for the first time in a while, able to really, truly, embrace the moment and find peace….in my wintery journey….

Love….this quote “It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” Ernest Hemingway.

Peace…and happy running or whatever you find yourself doing on your journey today….

 

peace….and running from destiny…..

There is a woman who runs many local running events, at least 30 years older than me, dressed in a leopard print sports bra and matching leopard print boy shorts type of bottoms, and most recently with a leopard headband with ears.  The first time I saw her, it was tough to “not” notice her.  For one, not many people are dressed in as little clothing as her, outside of the elite pool of athletes, and she’s at least 65 years old and running around in a leopard print sports bra and matching boy shorts and running a race.

Ahhh….that’s what I love.  Not so much the outfit she’s wearing, although it does take a significant amount of self-confidence to wear that outfit, but more that she’s running well into 70s and exudes a certain “I am confident and happy with myself” that one can’t help but smile when you see.

Certainly, my therapeutic mind can explain such a display in a much more dysfunctional or narcissistic manner, but for a moment, I’d like to look at it as a person as one who is confident in her own skin and continues to use exercise to assist in that attitude.

That’s my goal!

Ok, maybe I won’t be strutting my stuff in a leopard barely there outfit when I’m in my 70s, but maybe I will?  Maybe I’ll be so self-confident and secure that I’ll have the desire and follow through to do so?

A friend of mine, in response to my complaining about my chronic pain issues, said to me “if it matters to you to do the Marine Corps Marathon, you’ll find a way….”

I thought about it for weeks.  I prayed about it.  God knows, more than anyone, how important running is to me and what it does for my overall well-being.

“if it matters…..you’ll find a way….”

I am sticking to massage.  I am foam rolling (my track kids would be so proud!).  I am stretching (Thanks Emily- massage therapist- for pushing me).  I am cross training.  And….I bought new shoes.  Newton Running shoes. ( http://www.newtonrunning.com)  They are a totally different philosophy, and if interested you can look up the company online, but it all makes sense.  And I ran 3 days last week in them, and then ran on trails and ready for this…….

NO PAIN!

What?  I can hardly believe it myself.  And I am praying and hoping and trying to remain calm, but really need this to be part of my way to keep running….

As I was on a trail run this weekend, with my 4 guy friends who allowed me to join their Dances with Dirt team, I kept thinking….what if this continues? What if my pain subsides and I can continue to run marathons?  Beyond Marine Corps, what if I am just becoming who I am supposed to be rather than running from my destiny?

Weak.  Unathletic.  Injured.  Those messages plague my mind at times when I’m running, and if it weren’t for my incredible stubborn streak and strong will (some think this to be a curse in my personality…..I beg to differ) I fear I’d give in to the thoughts and become a couch potato.

I understand there are things in my life I cannot control, try as I might, but the things I can control, for the betterment of my own health and well-being, isn’t it worth it?

I started my journey with blogging almost a year ago, after my first time running Dances with Dirt.  I remember getting ready for the race and thinking “I’m not sure I can do this.”  I embodied so many things I’m afraid or insecure with in one race.  I’m directionally challenged.  I don’t like getting dirty.  I wish I was faster.  I don’t like “not” being in control.  Yes, there is a theme.  But, I did it anyway.  And when I finished, I found friendship in 4 guys that I probably wouldn’t have had if I chose to let my insecurities prevent me from the opportunity.  I found strength, I didn’t even know I had.  And I found that even if I’m afraid of doing something, it is still important for me to try.  Thank you Jim (Ted), John (Walter), Joe, and George for being there with me for this part of my life journey.

“Some seek comfort in their therapist’s office, others head to the corner pub and dive into a pint. I chose running as my therapy.”  Dean Karnazes, ultra marathon runner.

Shhhhh…don’t tell my clients my secret.  and it isn’t 100% true about the pub part because God and most others know I do enjoy a great (or decent, or mediocre) beer every now and again.  But nothing, nothing, nothing clears my mind quite like running.

Happy running my friends……..

peace….in running through the years….and not being famous for it.

I’m delayed in writing….complicated and irrelevant why but I’m delayed nonetheless.

Running this season has been a mix of emotions from renewed sense of commitment and ambition to frustration and despair.  Let’s hope I can stay more focused on the “commitment and ambition” going forward……

Running with injury undoubtedly adds to the frustration and despair.  I’m proud of myself for honestly being able to report I have (A) gone to massage weekly as I had promised myself.  (B) Foam rolled more the past 2+ weeks than I have my entire life.  And no, it hasn’t been just once.  Funny though.  (C) I have taken it easy of my running to allow myself to heal a little.

Quitting isn’t an option…..And before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I’ve been told to quit by doctors and I’m just too stubborn to heed their suggestions, I NEVER have been told to quit running.  Granted, my doctors are all well aware of what running means to me so perhaps this influences their willingness to work with me to keep me running…..but I can’t be certain.

I reflect back on my son’s question “why do you run if you know you’ll never ‘win’ the race?” that I’ve written about before.  Why do I still think about it? Maybe as my times don’t improve (in fact, they are one minute per mile slower than they were when I started running)…..I become impatient and critical of myself.  Why do I do it if I am never going to at a minimum be able to say I have a “PR” again? 

****PR- personal record.

I wonder…….

• When people join a tennis league, does anyone ever ask them if they’re good enough to play with Serena or Venus Williams?
• When people go out for a round of golf on Saturday, does anyone ever ask them if they’re going to be playing with Phil Mickelson?
• When people are lacing up their soccer shoes to play a game with their friends, does anyone ever ask them if Pele is on the opposing team?  (Ok, with this one, probably not since he is retired……)
• When bicyclist set off for a morning ride, does anyone ask them if they’re headed to the Tour de France?

There is a bit of a difference with running long distance events and all the other sports listed above.  Distance runners are running with elite/professional athletes.  Ok, to be more specific, we all set off at the same time, but that is about the only time that someone of my “racing” caliber is actually “running” with the elites. 

But why does it matter?

• Does the fact that someone who plays tennis on a local league or with friends will likely never reach the level of Serena or Venus Williams make him/her any less of a tennis player?
• Does the fact that someone who is playing a round of golf with friends on Saturday at a local golf course will likely not play at Augusta, let alone with Phil Mickelson, make him/her any less of a golfer?
• Does the fact that someone playing in a social soccer league is more than unlikely to meet up with Pele for a few shots on goal make him/her any less of a soccer (um, ‘football’) player?
• And does someone who goes out and does endless miles on his/her bike, week after week, become any less of a cyclists just because he/she is likely never go to ride in the tour de France?

So why am I so hard on myself?

I grapple with this all the time……Sometimes so much so I wonder if I can even call myself a “runner”……

My PR in the half marathon is 2:05, and my PR in the marathon is 4:46.  Slow.  I understand readers who do not run have absolutely no concept as to whether that is fast or slow, but trust me, it’s not fast.

Here’s an illustration of where I stand in my running speed……When I was running my first half marathon, I ran with a good friend of mine (Jenny)…..We ran most of the race together but somewhere around mile 9 or so, she needed to pull back a little and encouraged (ok, I think it was closer to snapping at me) to go ahead- (hey, you’re tired after running for 9+ miles).  I finished a minute or two earlier than her.  But somewhere between us, in that small amount of time, the “winner” of the FULL marathon was finishing……yes…..he ran 2xs the distance we did in the same time. Have perspective of my running speed now?

But why does it matter?  Sadly, I can’t even keep the pace I could a few years ago, but still….why does it matter?

Running brings me peace.  It does not bring me fame.  It does not bring me fortune.  It does not bring me glory.  It brings me peace. It never did anything other than peace and pride in myself for doing something that is often really, really hard…but I do it anyway.

For all the kids out there who run cross-country and track and will never get the opportunity to cross that finish line first, I hope that I (and all the midpackers out there) are a constant example to you to never, never give up.

After all, for most of us, winning has never been the point anyway…….

Love this quote…..

“Strength does not come from winning.  Your struggles develop your strengths.  When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” Arnold Schwarzenegger.

“….when you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength”…..beautiful.  When I’m running my 20 mile training run this weekend, no doubt at a snail’s pace, I will be meditating on this very thought.  When I feel weak:  I am strong.

Peace and Happy Friday everyone.  Get out there and do something that makes you strong this weekend……

peace…..or trying to find while running with pain

Sigh……………………..

I was doing so well.
I had a great relatively pain-free race in Nashville in the spring and I feel like I’m right back where I started…..living with chronic and moderate to severe pain in my leg.  To be more specific and truthful, it really starts in my a– and goes down to my ankle. Sorry for graphic description, but that’s the truth.

This isn’t a new phenomenon for me as I’ve written about it before, and I’ve stated I’ve been living with it for the better part of 5 years.  I don’t talk about it nearly as much as I think about it because I’ve learned sympathy has a shelf life, and after a while no one really wants to hear about it.  But the truth is, it NEVER goes completely away.  NEVER.  I don’t wake up and “not” think about it, ever.  I understand what people living with a chronic condition feel like,  yet I feel like a wimp even acknowledging mine because well, it’s just piriformis syndrome and really, what’s the big deal?  Why don’t I stop running?

Since I started running, it’s been a bit of a respite for me, allowing me find my sacred place and strive towards having a more peaceful inner spirit.  In the beginning, I was forging the journey on my own as I didn’t really know many other runners.  Since then, I’ve both encouraged others to start or resume running as well as networked with other runners and found a wonderful community of like-minded people who share my love of the sport.

Writing that I have a “love” for a “sport” still feels foreign for me as I continue to struggle with my name being associated with being an athlete.  A lifetime of couch-potatohood is hard to escape as a persona.

So this weekend I signed up and ran CRIM.  A favorite road race in the area, it’s one of the largest 10 mile races in the country,and one of the largest races in the state.  It’s hilly, it’s hot, it lacks shade and it’s a tough course.  I know that going in as I’ve run it several times before, always thinking why on Earth and I running this again?

Even though they changed they changed the course this year in the first 2 miles (making the course even hillier, thank you very much!), I felt great for the first 7 or so miles.  Then without much warning, my leg began to tighten and I struggled for the last 3 or so miles trying to get my legs to get me to the finish line.

Every runner knows, anticipates, expects, acknowledges there will be some sort of pain that accompanies running, and more specifically running long distance races.  I understand and accept that.  What I struggle with is finding a way to accept my limitations and trust in my body (and in God) in finding a balance to push myself even when I feel like giving  up yet understanding when my body is giving me signals that I need to not push beyond what my injury can endure.

I don’t know how to do that very well.

On the race, I read a person’s shirt that read “The human body has limitations.  The human spirit has no boundaries.”  I love that.  I want that as my mantra.

I have read at other races “In my mind, I’m a Kenyan”……and in my mind, I am!  In my mind, I want to go and go and go and go forever, running brings my mind and body in such harmony I just want to continue on….but my human body is injured and honestly, it angers me that it isn’t cooperating.

So I’m trying to find peace and balance again.

Yesterday, I scheduled my weekly massage again.  I’m committing to weekly.  Today, I did stretches and strength training.  Tomorrow I will go back to running, slowly and cross train if need be.

Most importantly, I am remembering in my mind the saying the saying from the cheesie 80s movie Steel Magnolias, “that which does not kill me, makes me stronger.”

Not peaceful…..but finding my way back to the path……

Peace….and teenagers (another running edition) and cross country.

I love cross-country.  Why did I not run in high school?

I spent 4 days “up north” with 22 High School Cross Country kids this past week.  Let me start to clarify for those outside of Michigan a few things…..

What is “up north?”

• No, it does not necessarily mean the “Upper Peninsula, aka the UP” but it can be.
• Yes, it does include areas that aren’t necessarily “up north” but rather to the far west of the state (i.e. Saugatuck or South Haven)  that are actually more south than north of Metro Detroit.
• Yes, it does include most of the state of Michigan that is outside of Metro Detroit.
• Yes, everyone in Michigan understands the above unwritten rules.
• And yes, it is appropriate and commonplace (and perhaps enviable for those residing in other states) to use your hand as map for point of reference.

For clarification, I was actually in the northern mid section of the lower peninsula.  Far way for the traffic and the pace of the city, surrounded by pine trees as far as the eye could see.

I chaperoned my son’s cross-country camp along with 3 coaches.  Each day, the teens would run in the morning…..goof around all day….and then run in the afternoon.  They’d run up/down hills (something we don’t have down in the city), they’d run on the dirt roads, they’d run through the snowmobile trails, they’d run together, often silently gliding along with one another for miles and miles.

I decided to run most of the runs with them while I was there.  Yes, me….a 42-year-old late to running mother of 2 decided I’d try to keep up with these kids, many of whom had been running for longer than I had been!

I pushed myself to keep pace and often was just behind the kids, but thought to myself, “hey, I’m a 42-year-old mother of 2, I’m pretty happy I can even get out there and sorta keep up with them!” I tried to chit-chat with them along the way, forgetting sometimes that I am indeed a “42 year old…” and perhaps they didn’t really want to chit-chat with me, but they were all sweet and obliged.  At least to my face…..Sigh……

I left camp with a new appreciation of the sport.  Although I’ve been a runner, and a distance runner, for over 8 years, I sometimes still feel like there is still so much I need to learn about the sport.  I enjoyed seeing it through the eyes of the kids on the team.

When people are quick to judge all teens as bad, or trouble….I wish they could have had a few moments to see what I did for days on end.

22 teens, some with fantastic athletic ability and some who are in the sport perhaps for other reasons (to get in shape or to be a part of a team sport).  22 teens, most with high academic achievements and all with academic standards I think much higher than I had for myself at their age.  22 teens, involved in ministry and service and committed to serving God.  22 teens, goofy and gangly and all together beautiful.  22 teens, more concerned with having fun together on a run than pushing each other down.  22 teens, all waiting until the very last runner came back from his/her run to start with the next activity.  22 teens, more supporters than competitors and more family than just team members.

Why did I not run cross-country?

I was a cheerleader, a tennis player and a basketball player all for about a minute.  Basketball player?  Yes, really…..I’m 5 foot 3 inches on a “tall day” so really, not surprising that one didn’t last, eh?

But watching these kids, I was constantly reminded of my love for the sport, and the discipline each and every one has to have in his/her own way.  Discipline to run, even when their hurting.  Discipline to run, even if they aren’t the fastest kid on the field.  Discipline to run, not as a punishment for messing up in their sport of choice but rather because it IS THEIR SPORT OF CHOICE.  RUNNING.  SIMPLY FOR THE LOVE OF AND UNDERSTANDING OF THE BENEFITS OF THE SPORT.

Loved being a part of it.

Searching for a quote….this reminded me of the spirit of the kids, or teens, or young adults I had the privilege, yes, privilege to chaperone this past weekend….

“What defines us isn’t how many times you crash, but the number of times you get back up.” Sarah Dessen.   

It isn’t so much those who are gifted and win the race than impress me (oh yes….they are amazing, don’t get me wrong), but the kids who run the race, even if they know they have no ability (for now) to win.

When people ask me why I run the race (marathons) even if I know I have no chance of winning (ok, “people” really means my youngest son…..), I can explain it as simply as this……

If I focus on winning as my only goal, then I am missing the point of the journey…….

Peace, and Happy Running…… and go hug a cross county kid!

(not in a creepy way, however….)

Peace….and lessons learned from running a marathon

Reading that totally makes me laugh.  There are days I concur.  But mostly it just makes me laugh…..

I saw this video a few weeks back, and it sums up many conversations I’ve had about running and training to run marathons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbiuns5_WXM

In 2005, I ran my first half marathon in Detroit.  I entered Ford Field (the finish at the time) feeling something north of elation!  I collected my medal, mylar wrap, water, banana and bagel and whatever other food they had set out for the finishers, and began my journey UP the stairs to see my family.  Yes.  You had to go UP the stairs after running 13.1 or 26.2 miles.  (they no longer have the finish on Ford Field, thankfully.)

Upon reuniting with my family, my younger son leans over to me and says 2 things (mind you, he is 3 years old at the time)

• Mommy did you win? (To which I replied, no.  I finished)
• Then why did you get a medal? (To which I replied, because I finished)

How often is our focus on “winning”, that in the process we miss the point or the purpose in the journey?

I spent countless hours training to run the race, knowing that there was no chance I’d ever “win”.  In actuality, the “winner” of the full marathon that year finished a few minutes after I finished my half marathon.  Yet, I couldn’t have been more proud of myself for finishing the race.

In order to get to the finish line…..we have to train for the race, and get the courage to even decide to train to run one.  If “winning” was the only purpose for deciding to enter a race and train to do a race, then there would probably be 4 Kenyans, 3 Moroccans, 2 Ethiopians and 1 Hanson’s running team member to ever show up at a race.  Seriously.  The top 10 is comprised roughly with that same population race after race after race.  Yet, for the Marine Corps Marathon, which I’m signed up for in October has roughly 30,000 people- many average people like me who don’t get paid to run, don’t have endorsements, don’t have a chance to cross the finish line before anyone else does…..but do it anyway.

Top 5 reasons I have learned from marathon running:

1. To set goals.  Whether it’s in running or in further ones education or in deciding to live a healthier lifestyle, it all starts with setting a goal.
2. Discipline.  Distance running requires sacrifice in what you can eat and do during a training season.  Sometimes, it requires skipping late night festivities in order to get in enough sleep to train the next day.  Discipline.
3. Patience.  Training season is 16-20 weeks long.  That includes daily workouts often covering the same course, leading up to the actual race.  Hundreds of hours of training, leading up to a few hours of a race…..patience.
4. Courage.  To combat all the negative messages we hold in our minds that prevent us from even trying something for fear of failing.  It isn’t that I’ve finished 3 full marathons, and 8 half marathons that I find amazing, it’s that I had the courage to even try.  I sat on the side lines for 30+ years of my life, and one day decided I didn’t want to anymore.  I’m proud of that and hope my children can see that in me.  Courage.
5. To have fun.  With all the griping I do about the monotony of distance running, the truth is it is really fun.  I have the best conversations along the way with my “running friends” and am able to see some beautiful cities along the way.  If it wasn’t “fun”…I would’ve stopped years ago.  Fun.

To leave today with the eloquent words of Ernest Hemingway is a great delight…..”It is good to have an end to the journey; but it is the journey that matters in the end.”

I couldn’t have said it any better.

peace and happy goal setting in your journey…..