peace……and embracing being a dirty, I mean a “dirt” girl…..

Dances with Dirt.  A local race that boasts a 100 mile ultra, 100K ultra, and a 100k relay race.  100k relay race is plenty, thank you, as this race not only has each person of a 5 person relay team running between 10-12 miles, it has you doing so through lakes, rivers, woods, mud bogs, cow pastures, over fallen tree limbs, up/down a dirt ladder up a very steep hill better known as the “stripper pole” leg of the race, and almost certainly leaves you with bumps, scrapes, and copious amounts of dirt and sweat that is completely foreign territory to me at least, but I’d venture to guess most runners or people in general population.

One a year ago this weekend, I was mulling over the idea of starting a blog, focused on my journey with finding peace and balance in my life (running is a huge part of that) and I simultaneously was asked to fill in for the relay team for Dances with Dirt with 4 guy friends at the last minute.

At first I thought they were crazy!  I’m slow…..I’m injured (yes, still)…..and I’m a girl!  Why would they want me on their team?

Put aside that yes, I’m a girl and I’m over 40 and therefore get the team several handicap % points, I prefer to think this in someway is a purposeful stage in my journey towards peace, at least in the running aspect.

Running in trails, and having others depend on me to not totally bonk in the course totally puts me outside of my comfort zone. As a self-proclaimed attempting to be in recovery control freak, this is a difficult position.  However, I have found it to be totally liberating.

“To survive it is often necessary to fight and to fight you have to dirty yourself.”  George Orwell. 

Nice.  that is a perfect explanation for “dirt.”

A lifetime ago, when I was an adolescent, I would’ve NEVER thought I’d be capable of attempting let alone completing this sort of race.  Ok, a few years ago I would’ve had my doubts…..

To that insecure, shy, unmotivated, unchallenged adolescent girl (and all others out there) who was cut from cheer leading, believed she would accomplish little in life, and teased for having “thunder thighs”….. DON’T BUY INTO IT!

• If you don’t make a team, try another sport.  Don’t give up in trying to find your inner athlete, no matter how buried she/he may be. I wish that I had found my path to running when I was a teenager instead of the other less than productive ways to cope with stress/anxiety I had, but as an adult, I cannot imagine my life without the lessons that running has taught me.
• If you’re used to setting for mediocrity, and feel like others around you believe you are incapable of anything more, find others with whom to surround yourself.  Study hard, push yourself, and find a way to build your own success.  If I had bought into the logic of my 5th grade teacher, I’d never have gone to college, or received my Master’s degree in social work, and certainly wouldn’t have been able to admire the finishing medals I have for all my road/trail races.  Yes, I do have them displayed, what else should I do with them?  Take that Mrs. Marx.  Nothing motivates me more, than someone telling me I “can’t” do something……that’s how I found my way to “dirt.”
• If you are teased, embarrassed, insecure about certain parts of your body, find a way to change what you can and embrace what you cannot.  While I wish many days that my freakishly short legs were longer, I know that I am exactly as God intended me to be and I try very hard “most” of the time to work with what I have.  My short stature helped me glide through the forest this past week…..under trees, hopping over fallen limbs, and hop through cow manure and disgusting rivers/run off from farm or whatever body of waterish substance it was….. I’m good…….I’m working with what I’ve got because that’s all I’ve got.  Done.

I wish I knew all that way back when.  Sigh…..

But what I know now, is I’m strong.  I’m stubborn (oh yeah, I knew and most around me knew that long ago).  I’m fierce.  I’m focused.  And I surround myself with some pretty awesome people.

Thank you to Kristi, and Coach V. , and Stefanie for the great referral to Newton Running Shoes.  They are seriously awesome and for once, I see an end in sight, possibly, for my chronic pain associated with my running.  I cannot believe I just wrote those words.

Thank you to Jim, John, George and Joe for allowing me to be part of your “dirt team.”  The dirty, challenging, difficult journey brings me one step closer to Marine Corps Marathon and one step closer to becoming the person I know that I can be.  Continuation in path towards peace…..

Side note:  Funny things observed at Dances with Dirt:

• Men in star outfits with gold speedos worn for a road race.  Never, never should be done.

• Beer tastes better than after you’ve run through mud, dirt, and whatever else the course throws at ya than any other time imaginable.

• Yes, Body Shop, your deliciously fragrant body butters do last through at least one leg of the relay.  Don’t believe me?  I actually had a woman say to me, while running through the woods, “how is it possible that you smell so good after running for so long?” Yep…… apparently not all “stink” smells as bad as other “stinks.” I clearly “stink” quite lovely……laughing…..strange but true story.

• When running in trails, pass on the left and say please and thank you.  Never know when you may need that person to help you up off your a– after you fall.  Yes, another true story.

Time passes…way too quickly….when surrounded by nature, and great friends……

Peace & happy running……..

peace….and running from destiny…..

There is a woman who runs many local running events, at least 30 years older than me, dressed in a leopard print sports bra and matching leopard print boy shorts type of bottoms, and most recently with a leopard headband with ears.  The first time I saw her, it was tough to “not” notice her.  For one, not many people are dressed in as little clothing as her, outside of the elite pool of athletes, and she’s at least 65 years old and running around in a leopard print sports bra and matching boy shorts and running a race.

Ahhh….that’s what I love.  Not so much the outfit she’s wearing, although it does take a significant amount of self-confidence to wear that outfit, but more that she’s running well into 70s and exudes a certain “I am confident and happy with myself” that one can’t help but smile when you see.

Certainly, my therapeutic mind can explain such a display in a much more dysfunctional or narcissistic manner, but for a moment, I’d like to look at it as a person as one who is confident in her own skin and continues to use exercise to assist in that attitude.

That’s my goal!

Ok, maybe I won’t be strutting my stuff in a leopard barely there outfit when I’m in my 70s, but maybe I will?  Maybe I’ll be so self-confident and secure that I’ll have the desire and follow through to do so?

A friend of mine, in response to my complaining about my chronic pain issues, said to me “if it matters to you to do the Marine Corps Marathon, you’ll find a way….”

I thought about it for weeks.  I prayed about it.  God knows, more than anyone, how important running is to me and what it does for my overall well-being.

“if it matters…..you’ll find a way….”

I am sticking to massage.  I am foam rolling (my track kids would be so proud!).  I am stretching (Thanks Emily- massage therapist- for pushing me).  I am cross training.  And….I bought new shoes.  Newton Running shoes. ( http://www.newtonrunning.com)  They are a totally different philosophy, and if interested you can look up the company online, but it all makes sense.  And I ran 3 days last week in them, and then ran on trails and ready for this…….

NO PAIN!

What?  I can hardly believe it myself.  And I am praying and hoping and trying to remain calm, but really need this to be part of my way to keep running….

As I was on a trail run this weekend, with my 4 guy friends who allowed me to join their Dances with Dirt team, I kept thinking….what if this continues? What if my pain subsides and I can continue to run marathons?  Beyond Marine Corps, what if I am just becoming who I am supposed to be rather than running from my destiny?

Weak.  Unathletic.  Injured.  Those messages plague my mind at times when I’m running, and if it weren’t for my incredible stubborn streak and strong will (some think this to be a curse in my personality…..I beg to differ) I fear I’d give in to the thoughts and become a couch potato.

I understand there are things in my life I cannot control, try as I might, but the things I can control, for the betterment of my own health and well-being, isn’t it worth it?

I started my journey with blogging almost a year ago, after my first time running Dances with Dirt.  I remember getting ready for the race and thinking “I’m not sure I can do this.”  I embodied so many things I’m afraid or insecure with in one race.  I’m directionally challenged.  I don’t like getting dirty.  I wish I was faster.  I don’t like “not” being in control.  Yes, there is a theme.  But, I did it anyway.  And when I finished, I found friendship in 4 guys that I probably wouldn’t have had if I chose to let my insecurities prevent me from the opportunity.  I found strength, I didn’t even know I had.  And I found that even if I’m afraid of doing something, it is still important for me to try.  Thank you Jim (Ted), John (Walter), Joe, and George for being there with me for this part of my life journey.

“Some seek comfort in their therapist’s office, others head to the corner pub and dive into a pint. I chose running as my therapy.”  Dean Karnazes, ultra marathon runner.

Shhhhh…don’t tell my clients my secret.  and it isn’t 100% true about the pub part because God and most others know I do enjoy a great (or decent, or mediocre) beer every now and again.  But nothing, nothing, nothing clears my mind quite like running.

Happy running my friends……..