Cats are Big Ole Jerks…& other necessary truths we must accept for a more joyous holiday season

Oh yes. Yes….I said it.  Cats are Big Ole Jerks.

How many times do you find yourself distraught, frustrated because the truth that is staring us in the face is just too unpleasant for us to accept?  The holiday season is the perfect breeding ground for this as we strive to achieve some ideal that is thrust upon us from the media, our family historical memory, or some conjured up fantasy of how things “should be.”

So this year, I thought I’d try to make it simple for you and post my top list of “truths” to help you have a more peaceful and happy holiday season. Hope you enjoy!

• Egg Nog is not a yummy drink.  Truth!  How many times have you bought the carton of gelatinous substantive beverage, only to pour one glass and try to choke it down….perhaps even pouring some adult beverage in it in attempts for it to be more palatable…only to leave it on the counter….getting warm….finding it the next day…pouring out the rest of the glass…and then letting the rest of the carton sit in your refrigerator for the remainder of the season until you pour out the rest after it has expired?  Why do we buy it?  Why do we not accept the truth that it simply is gross & perhaps there is a reason it is only available one time a year?
• No one is really going to remember if you don’t send out holiday cards this year.  Truth!  I know. I know.  You all have bought into the Hallmark philosophy (ok, now the snapfish or tiny prints) that YOU MUST SEND CARDS out to every single person you have any sort of interaction with from the beginning of time, but really…do you? Yes, it is FANTASTIC to see photos of your little peeps as they are growing, or you adorable pets….but if it is indeed causing you stress to get the perfect photo to upload to your now “every card must be a photo card” site, they ask yourself….why am I doing this?  Is it because I believe it is a necessary part of how I celebrate my holiday season, or am I selling out to the commercialization of the holidays?  Why do we not accept the truth that “holiday cards” is something modern-day humans have self-imposed & truly it has nothing to do with the degree to which you faithfully, or joyfully celebrate the holiday season?
• You do not get a medal by wearing yourself ragged during the holiday season.  Truth!  Believe me, I have looked at the end of many-a-holiday season and I have not found one waiting for me.  The baking, cooking, card assembling/addressing/stamping/sending (see above), cleaning, purchasing, wrapping, driving, etc….does not yield a reward if at the end we have overdone it and end up sick or screaming at our kids to enjoy the freaking holiday rather than enjoy the beauty of the season…… So what you can let go?  And why can’t we accept the truth that the holiday season is not intended to be some competitive sport stealing any sort of joy from you or your family at the finish line?
• You WILL forget something.  Truth!  A stocking stuffer, a necktie for Great Uncle So & So, The Christmas Tree Butter (or may be you have looked EVERYWHERE & can’t find it at any stores!), the phone call, the card (see above), the perfect ribbon.  Your holiday will not, no matter how hard you try, be perfect.  So let it go!  Enjoy the chaotic mess that will ensue in your home & all the homes you travel to this season, and realize you are human, and will no matter how hard you try, forget something. And why are we so reluctant to accept the truth that holiday gatherings are about the people we are with, not the tokens we bring or the hoops we went through to obtain them?
• Cats are BIG OLE JERKS.  Truth! Oh yes, I did….I said what we are all thinking.  Now before I get hate mail, let me state I have had cats my entire life!  And I love them.   I have had Ritches (aka the Senator- aka the BEST cat ever!), Winnie, Zoe, Nala, Raine & Charlotte.  And I love, love, love animals.  But the sooner we accept that cats do what they want when they want, the better off we will all be.  During the holidays, especially, they are mischievous little beings who get into our baking supplies, attempt to unwrap presents under the tree, hit and break family heirloom bulbs, bat at things on the floor that they’ve found in the middle of the night waking up the whole house with their shannigans, and my all time favorite….climb up your Christmas trees just to piss you off!  Yes, they are cuddly when they want affection (and only then), yes they are cute…but failing to acknowledge they other aspect of them creates more distress for us, and fails to give them credit for things they are really, really fantastic at doing!  Why don’t we accept the truth that they are indeed, not dogs, and that is ok….they were never meant to be!  So….. place ornaments wisely on that tree, less they teach you a lesson!
• Lastly……People are who they are.  Truth.  Absolutely the hardest one to accept.  I sit in my office in clinical sessions with clients tearfully struggling with wanting family members to be more than quite frankly they are possibly able to be.  Especially during the holiday season.  Yes, we have all bought into “It’s a Wonderful Life” version of what Christmas or the holiday season is supposed to be like, for many (or most)  it isn’t.  While I fully believe people are capable of great change in life, else I’d be out of business as a therapist, we need to be careful not to expect people to change to how we think they should be.  Most people, even those who frustrate, and sometimes hurt us, are doing the best they can.  It is freeing to us, allowing us to truly have a more peaceful & happy holiday season when we remove the expectation that our family is going to be any different this holiday season than they’ve been any other time in the past.  So if they’ve been distant, late, come without a dish to pass, drink a bit too much, don’t say thank-you…. anticipate they probably will do that again this year…and MOVE ON.  Listen…I’m not saying put up with crap from people who are abusive or toxic, but if people are a disappointment because they aren’t meeting your expectations of who they should be…perhaps you need to check yourself & ask yourself why they need to live as you see fit?  Why do we fail to accept the truth that people are imperfect, and we are all (for better or worse) just trying to get through the day and doing the best we can?

Holidays can be stressful…They can be disappointing…They can be exhausting!   If we let them be!   This year, I hope all of you find time to truly relax…and enjoy the beauty of the holiday season and remember that while each & every day we get to choose our attitude we bring to the day, the holiday season is no exception.  Choose peace.  Choose joy.  Choose happiness.

Peace & Happy Holidays……

 

 

Lost in my mind…….

Lost in my mind.  Ever since I was a little child, I have spent a lot of time alone in my thoughts.  A dear friend of mine has said, and I quote, “it’s a scary place, what goes on in your mind.”  I am amused.  I disagree, vehemently. As a shy child, I remember vividly spending hours with my beloved cat Riches.  Now my dear Riches was my original “wonder pet” who, even though a rough and tough male orange tabby, allowed me to dress him up in my doll clothes and push him in a doll buggy.  He must’ve loved me.  We would spend hours sitting in my window seat together, contemplating the great mysteries of the world. As an adult, though I am much less shy and prefer to reframe myself as an introvert who has learned the importance of public speaking and engaging in larger social situations as both a necessity in life and at times enjoyable, I still spend an inordinate amount of time in my own thoughts.  I am happy to report that I do. Spending time in my thoughts allows me to bring a clarity inaccessible to me during the chaos that is often my day. My thought, no pun intended, is this…..why don’t others?  How do others process life around them?  How do others reframe negativity into something positive? In clinical practice, I often assist clients in re-training their brains to stop negative thought processes and replace instead with positive thoughts and messages.  Depending on presenting issues/severity of problems and age of client, this can be a challenge, but possible for EVERYONE. “Watch your thsoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything.” credited to Ralph Waldo Emerson & Buddha.  (both….and several others, really…how do we not know whose quote this is?) If we don’t spend time thinking about our life, both the road behind us and the path in front of us, how do we truly understand the meaning of where we’ve been and the potential of where we are yet to go?  While our mind and thoughts are always with us, why do we spend so much time busying selves, almost to avoid having time alone with thoughts. Found this article, and was shocked by contents.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/27/sunday-review/no-time-to-think.html

In 11 experiments involving more than 700 people, the majority of participants reported that they found it unpleasant to be alone in a room with their thoughts for just 6 to 15 minutes. WHAT??? 6 to 15 minutes is too much? 

My homework assignment for all who read this blog (just like my clients who often get homework) is to spend a few more moments in your thoughts.  No agenda.  No plan.  No necessary outcome. Just allow your thoughts to come. Ways to implement into your life daily:

• Start the day off with 5 minutes of silence.  Sit in darkness, take deep/cleansing breaths & allow the mind to think about the possibilities for the day ahead
• Practice putting devices away when not “needed” and allow mind to be quiet in thought
• Take walks in nature, with or without music, and really look at the beauty around you.
• Read inspirational/positive writings/quotes/muse and allow your mind to soak up positivity and expel negativity
• Go out for a run, participate in a yoga class, take a walk and spend time just allowing your thoughts to wander (sorry yoga teachers, sometimes my mind does wander in class) for a few uninterrupted moments
• Dream.  Wander.  Wonder.  Create.  Envision.
• And be still with thoughts.

Enjoy…………and have fun getting lost in your mind. Peace……