“Pain insists on being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our consciences, but shouts to us in our pains. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” C. S. Lewis.
Is that what is happening? God is shouting at me through my piriformis syndrome? Clearly I’m missing a message I need to hear I guess…..
Just when I think the pain has subsided to a somewhat manageable level, it is once again tweaked and again I meet it with frustration and I admit, a tad bit of anger. It is an un-welcomed guest, sneaking into my daily routine, disturbing my ability to do daily activities I really enjoy (um, running…..and getting ready to train for a marathon….I digress) and really disturbs my sleep. Really disturbs my sleep.
I disclose the chronic pain issue as a way to educate. It isn’t for a pity party. It isn’t people to be concerned about me. Quite frankly, I feel like I manage my pain quite well. I work. I take care of my kids and my home. I run…marathons. I manage. But chronic pain is sneaky…just when you think you have it figured out how to “manage it”….BAM! It flares up and your current methods to cope no longer work and it feels like you’re starting all over again. Not unlike many issues I counsel clients with as a therapist. Life is about making adjustments.
Chronic pain is “pain that has lasted for longer than 3-6 months” or “longer than 12 months” or “extends beyond the expected period of healing” by several different definitions. Whatever the case, mine has been cohabitating with me for longer than 6 years. For people who live with chronic pain, it can be frustrating to explain to others the following:
- The pain never goes away totally. Imagine a headache, that does not cease with Advil or Tylenol. For years. There ya go. Good times.
- While there are many ways to manage chronic pain, there is not a definitive way to “cure it.”
- Chronic pain can often difficult to diagnose.
- Everyone has an opinion on it. No, surgery is often not an option. Thank you for sharing…..
- Because chronic pain isn’t something you can visibly see, it is difficult to explain the magnitude of the impact it can have on one’s life.
- There are days, exhaustion doesn’t even describe the experience.
Because I just ran Marine Corps Marathon in October, and felt decent, I really was shocked when the pain increased this past week. New to me, I decided to take a break from my running and focus on yoga. Making “adjustments” in life….
One of my favorite times in yoga is doing child’s pose in the beginning. I use it as a time to connect to the work I’m going to do on my mat and my time to meditate and pray. My high bread Catholic meets meditation spiritual experience. I arrive early to make sure I have time just “be.” I’ve been asking God and meditating to find answers, for direction in life, for ways to deal with my pain, for what to wear to work that day (Ok, I’m kidding on that one, just checking if anyone was still reading….) and I’ve been really trying to do something novel…..listen!
For the past month, there has been an emphasis on opening up the hips, and ALL of the instructors have talked about humans “holding emotions in your hips.” An ah-ha moment for me. Anatomy/yoga 101. Sciatic nerve runs through/surrounds the piriformis muscles. Doing hip opener exercises like pigeon pose for the yogis out there works to help with this issues. Exactly where my chronic pain has taken up residence for years.
What emotions am I holding in there?
Today, a new instructor said something to the effect of “you can choose to fight it, or surrender. It’s your choice.”
I chose, surrender. She helped me get into the pose as deep as I could do, body trembling, sweat pouring from my head, and tears welling up in my eyes. Not so much for the pain I was in, though honestly, it is painful because it is so tight….but more from this mind/body/spiritual connection that is totally new to me.
Maybe that’s what I was to learn today, that in the surrender, we receive peace. In the letting go, we find direction and purpose. In the darkness, we find light…..
Peace, and Happy belated blog (no one would’ve wanted to read my words a day or so ago…thoughts weren’t pretty….)
peaceinthejourney 