Be who you are, even if only you understands you

I’m not sure why I take the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory Test (www.myersbriggs.org) thinking at some point I’m going to have a different “type.” I’ve taken it several times, and while I feel like I know myself rather well, I am still surprised every time to find out I”m an

INFJ- Introvert (100%), Intuition (12%), Feeling (12%) and Judging (44%).  While the percentages of the last 3 vary somewhat from test to test, I am always, always an introvert.  I speak in public on the topic of peace and have created a program for women on finding inner peace in their lives, often facilitating workshops in the community.  And while I believe I am an effective and engaged presenter and have received positive feedback for my presentations, the ability to present is something that is difficult for me emotionally every time I do it.

I remember being a child and looking at friends or classmates who were outgoing and seemed to be able to enter into conversation easily, never looking or appearing awkward or nervous.  These same classmates ran for school office, tried out for leads in the play, and were captains of their preferred sports or academic groups.  I, however, spent much of my time observing, listening, and preferred time to be with smaller groups or individuals.  I remember thinking “there must be something wrong with me, why can’t I be like them?”

“Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde 

In adulthood, I recognize my introversion as a personality trait not unlike my ability to empathize with others, to be calm in the midst of chaos, to be comforting and engaged when others are hurting….it is who I am.  And while I felt somewhat inferior as a child because I “wasn’t” an extrovert, as an adult I’m able to not only accept, but rather honor that part of me who makes me…well…. me!

In clinical practice, I often work with clients who are trying to make changes to better their lives, and one topic that often presents is the desire to have more of a social life- to be more connected with large groups of people- and to have more excitement in one’s life. Why? I think…… is this necessary for fulfillment in life?  Where did the notion come from in thinking that a fulfilling life= large circles of friends and being at the center of attention in a room.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

True happiness comes, rather, in accepting who we are.  Not wanting to be one of the masses, to just squeak on by, but to celebrate the quirkiness- the flaws- the idiosyncrasies  that make each of us unique.  And while the “child” in me longed to be someone I wasn’t…….longed to be one the “in crowd”…..the wise woman in me celebrates the calm that has come in not only celebrating who I am, but enabling others to be proud of themselves too.

One of my favorite poems…for kids….but equally fitting for adults….may be all be kids at heart……

So being an introvert doesn’t make me a shy/less than person in relation to my extroverted peers.  It makes me, me.  And why would I really want to be anyone else?

So who are you, really?

Are you celebrating the one and only you today?

May you find peace and joy in your search today…..And know no matter who you are….you’re beautiful just the way you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM

Peace, 

What is “normal” anyway?

“Here’s to the kids who are different, the kids who don’t always get A’s, The kids who have ears twice the size of their peers, And noses that go on for days…..

Here’s to the kids who are different, The kids they call crazy or dumb, The kids who don’t fit, with the guts and the grit, who dance to a different drum…..

Here’s to the kids who are different, The kids with the mischievous streak, For when they have grown, as history’s shown, It’s their difference that makes them unique.”  Digby Wolfe

I had this poem at my desk for years when I worked as a social worker with kids, and remember believing working with kids who were “different” and helping them to embrace their “uniqueness” was really important. I remember being that child who felt different, and alone so often.  I wish I had someone when I was a kid around me who read and embraced Digby Wolfe’s poem who maybe could’ve helped me to be ok with being different…..

I heard someone recently saying “we’re all unique, just like everyone else” and I thought a lot about it…..

That sounds so much better than we’re “different”, right?  Hearing the words “your different” instantly makes me think there’s a negative connotation associated rather than something one should embrace and something that’s a uniquely human trait.  What I wonder is when the concept of being the same become something we all bought into as humans?

What if we all ate toast every morning, had toast every day for lunch, and toast every day for dinner.  At what point would we scream out “all I want to eat is ANYTHING but toast!” Wouldn’t we miss the flavors of Mexican, Chinese, etc. foods?

What if we all wore the color brown, every single day….wouldn’t we be missing seeing the beauty of the spectrum of the rainbow?

What if we all drove the same cars, lived in the same house, and listened to the same music?

It is in the subtle, and sometimes not so subtle nuances, that we find our true selves, our differences, that make us unique.

So instead of running away from our “quirks/differences/idiosyncracies” let us embrace them!

I write about peace and really strive to live/eat/breathe all that is peaceful in my life.  I also grew up and enjoyed watching professional boxing.  Weird, right?

What makes you unique?  Don’t know? Maybe you spent too much time trying to fit in and not enough time trying to be Y-O-U?

Hmmmm……

Peace…….