Peace….in new vacation mode…..

Ok, really who can’t find peace while on vacation?

• No work- unless you count checking email or conference calls that can sometimes interrupt one’s vacation?
• No deadlines- unless you count dinner reservations?
• No constricting “work clothes”- unless of course you are a therapist like me and opt for flow-y skirts and dresses whenever possible- vacation or not?
• No responsibility- unless you count the responsibility to wear sunscreen, watch out for sharks (yes, I’m slightly obsessed with watching out for them, even on land…), trying to get your kids to eat at least 1 serving of fruits/vegetables on vacation?

After 10 days of being on vacation mode, traveling nearly 3,000 miles to/from and out/about….the things I remember most about vacation aren’t “things” at all, but rather feelings I had while on the journey.

It’s easy to remember the mini golf game, or fantastic restaurants where we were able to eat, the excitement of the amusement park and the grandeur of the beach.  However, to me….I keep reflecting on the feelings I had just sitting and being present in the moment.

One aspect of self I struggle with the most is my struggle to just be present in the moment.  My family can attest I often have a list in my head of at least a dozen things that need to get done or where I need to be, often prohibiting me from really enjoying just being.  Prior to vacation, I consciously thought to myself, I need to cherish the moments.  Not the spectacle of it all, but the moments.  My kids are getting older…..will there be a day they won’t want to go on vacation with me?  My parents are getting older…there will be a day….when they won’t be here to vacation with me.  Gulp.

As I sat on the beach, instead of putting on my iPod and checking out to wherever I go when I’m stressed out….I really watched my kids/parents play in the surf and sand.  I got up and went into the ocean, instead of taking that nap that I would’ve maybe been more inclined to take in the past. With my somewhat irrational fear of sharks (and yes, I felt like I had a few scares over the week), it is nothing short of a miracle that I got into the water this year.

When I went for a run, even with my Garmin on to track my distance, I let go of the need to have a specific pace and went without my music to really listen to the sand and sea and people around me.  I took time to notice the smells and the feeling of the thick/humid air on my skin and in my lungs.

I really tried to put my phone in my purse or in the condo and tried to focus on just being with my family.  That alone…..is a miracle.  It’s amazing when one really focuses on the sweetness of the sound of a giggle or takes time to really listen to what it’s like to be a 15-year-old in this era….or what it’s like living as a 69 and 71-year-old and adjusting to retirement……

I often go on vacation thinking that I will find answers to questions that are swirling around in my head (not just “now” but this is an omnipresent process)……and like vacations of past, no clarity was really achieved this week for me but the feeling of knowing that whatever path I or my family takes is exactly where we are supposed to be is exactly what I needed to gleam from my time away.

There is something sacred about being able to stare out into the vastness of the sea, and knowing that all creatures and people and time and space are somehow interconnected…..the peace that I look for in life can be summed up in that very moment when I close my eyes and feel myself surrounded in, well….peace…….

peace….with frantic prepping for family vacations….

Week before vacation week.  Normally looks like this…..

• Frantically trying to schedule work/clients into limited time slots and hoping it all works out.
• Frantically trying to get my training runs in so I can “not” feel guilty if “perhaps” one of my training runs/workouts doesn’t happen on vacation.
• Frantically writing list after list after list hoping that I don’t forget anything before we leave.
• Frantically trying to remember to make sure cats are fed, mail is brought into house, plants are watered, and now…some fabulous doggy daycare place takes care of my pride and joy, our 2-year-old boxer puppy love Layla.
• Frantic all around……

Even with the frantic schedule, I have always been grateful for the opportunity to go on vacation.  It’s not about the destination so much as the opportunity to spend time with family. And not just the four who live in my house.

Flash back 14 years ago…..My Dad was getting ready for a bone marrow transplant.  Our youngest son was just over two years old, and we decided to go to Florida with my parents so we could take our son to Disney.  Ok, really, we decided to go to Disney so my Dad could see my son go to Disney.  For you see, in the world of loving someone with cancer, nothing in life is guaranteed.  While my son clearly has zero memory of going to Disney the first time, my parents and my husband and I have a very clear memory of going and the almost tactile symbolic nature of the vacation for my Dad’s cancer journey.

Flash forward 13 years later, we have continued to go on vacation with my parents nearly every year.  While the location has changed from the oh so indulgent (and equally non-memorable to my very young children) all-inclusive trips to the Caribbean and Mexico to the more practical but equally lovely trips to Florida, the importance of the experience has remained constant.

As I prepare this week, I remember how grateful I am for the donor who gave his stem cells to my Dad, enabling him to remain in remission for over 13 years.  I’m grateful to the doctors for the perseverance and compassion in his care.  I’m grateful for the lessons learned in the importance of family. Yes, I honestly think about this every time we set out for vacation.

So in my “frantic” week leading up to this year’s vacation, I’m trying to reflect on the following……

• Keeping in mind the fragility life, in particular my Dad’s life, reminds me to show the clients I work with the same compassion and support that my Dad and our family have been shown for nearly 2 decades.
• Having a busy schedule makes me more determined to get my training runs in and makes me work out harder.  I can be a lolly-gagger if given the opportunity.
• Lists keep me focused.  I LIVE by my steno notebook that helps me remember what I need to do, and feel accomplished when I cross things off.  I’m sure my iPhone has an “app” for that….but I’m old school.
• Remembering to trust my neighbors and friends to help us.  It’s a lesson in humility for me.  I’m reminded that we do no live on an island onto ourselves, and we need others.  I’m grateful for the amazing neighbors.
• Lastly, I am reminded to take time to get a slurpie for my kids, lay with my dog Layla (Ok, I seldom need a reminder for that because she is so darn cute!), and reminded to breathe….and relax….and get a pedicure (yes, getting for sure even if time is limited) because what gets done.  does.  and what doesn’t…probably isn’t all that important anyway.

I’m frustrated when people don’t take the opportunity to spend time with family.  Cancer entering our family made me face the uncertainty of life at and early age.  I’ve never taken relationships for granted.  It’s the “gift” cancer has given me.  Over the past year, I’ve watched a neighbor and an Uncle die.  Since then, I’ve watched their families work through grief.  It’s painful to watch.  My heart aches for them.  While I wish that I could take away their pain, I’m aware that this is part of their journey, and I cannot.

What I can do, and will continue to do, is honor their memories by spending time with my family members on vacation….and remembering that time is precious.  Vacation to me is this.  Simple.  Relaxing.  A million of moments that may seem commonplace to some, but to me, are priceless.

Final thought for today…..”I sustain myself with the love of my family” Maya Angelou.

I’m grateful that no matter how horrible I was as a child, and more probably as a teenager (Yes, I was horrible!)….my parents always loved me.  Focusing on that, helps to limit the frantic nature of this week leading up to the joy of vacation.  And who knows, maybe one day I’ll have a pre-vacation week without any “frantic” time whatsoever.

Maybe…….

Peace……….