Back to School……A Senior In the House….

Senior Year.

How did this happen?  I started to input all the important calendar dates into my planner today (yes, “planner”, I’m old school) & felt tears welling up in my eyes.  How on Earth is my “baby boy blue” a senior in high school?  And how is our younger son in 8th grade?

I know.  I know.  It happens.

I know.  I know. I’m FAR too young to have children this age….shameless plug for compliments.

But it really seems like JUST yesterday we were taking them to their first day of preschool or kindergarten and now…..we are preparing for this monumental change and try as much as I’d like to freeze the moment……moments continue to slip on by.

I want to stop time and just cherish where they are in this moment and time.

I’ve made lunches for my kids since they started school.  As the days and weeks and months and years flew by, at some point I became keenly aware they’re completely capable of making their own lunches.  Why was I still doing it?  After all, during summer break, I made maybe 2?  But I realize it is me who needs to make them.  I’m not ready for them to change and grow and move out! I know there is a day, all too soon, when I won’t be there to make their lunches or tuck them into bed or kiss them goodnight. Ugh.  That’s all I can say.

I remember when the kids were really young, before school years, and the days seemed to DRAG on forever.  I felt like I was constantly picking up legos or changing diapers or making food.  An endless cycle of feeding, changing, and cleaning up after them. Now…..our days/nights are a blur of assignments for school, deadlines for college applications, college essays, & college visits…..& tears.  Not the “Mommy I don’t wanna go to bed tears”, or the “Mommy can’t I watch one more ‘Mel’mo” (aka Elmo)” …..No these tears are the embodiment of the realization that times are a changing.…..

In less than a year, our baby boy blue will (hopefully) be away at college.  And the funny thing is in life, even though we prepare for and are warned as young parents how quickly the time does pass……NOTHING prepares either you or your child for the inevitability.

In the twists and turns, monumental and trite days and nights that have made up the past 17+ years of being a parent, I believe it is in the commonplace moments I find the greatest joy in my life.

How many more:

1. Walks with Layla the Wonderdog and Baby Boy Blue will I have before he graduates?
2. Visits down memory lane of the obscure of vacations or days gone by?
3. Bottles of ranch dressing, zero vitamin water, jars of crunchy peanut butter, macintosh apples, vegan cheese packages, and homemade macaroni and cheese or french toast will I be making?
4. Hugs- with both arms until I’m feeling like he’s going to crush my spine but I don’t want to tell him to let go.  Not now…not ever….
5. Reminders of cleaning his room, or taking clothes downstairs to the laundry, or putting his dishes in the dishwasher or turning in his homework?
6. The sound of his bellowing laugh emerging from the upstairs as he and his brother watch some podcast for the gazillionth time!
7. Intellectual discussions of subject matters I have no ability to understand & yet am so proud and impressed that he does with such ease.
8. Loving teasing of my entering my “golden years” or playful banter that only Baby Boy Blue would dare to attempt to explore with me, and only he can get away with doing.
9. Tears…..of what has and hasn’t happened in Baby Boy Blue’s life.
10. Tears….of what is possible for Baby Boy Blue’s life.

No one prepares you.  No one can.  We think when the moment arrives, when they are set to be leaving the nest, we will be ready but how can we be? Really?

So how do we find peace in the unknown?  How do we sit with what we don’t know and trust?

Sitting quietly with my thoughts, I remember the moment Baby Boy Blue was laid upon me and I saw his beautiful face for the first time.  I somehow knew in that moment, he was only “mine” for a few brief moments of life.  I was there to help guide him, to teach him, and to love him but his purpose in life is far beyond just being my son.  I’ve seen in him, far more than he recognizes, a grand purpose in life.  And I have been privileged to be with him on this part of his journey.

So have faith….and breathe…..and celebrate…..and cry….and laugh……and enjoy every moment as each day in the NOW is a gift, that is why it is called the “PRESENT.”

Peace……