Days before Thanksgiving this year, my cousin was diagnosed with adenoid cystic carcinoma. A very rare for of cancer, affecting 1,200 people in the US per year. Now, my cousin has always been a “rare” one, but this….this none of us saw coming.
15 or so years ago, my family sat in a tiny hospital room awaiting for the stem cells to arrive from Idaho to infuse in my Dad, fighting stage IV Non-hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I don’t always use the word “fighting”, but he was. Fighting with everything he had to live! Now, I am not certain his doctor was prepared for the 20+ people who surrounded his hospital bed, hand in hand, praying with rosaries in hand, as my Dad lay sleeping, sick from the radiation and chemo he had pumped into his body. Family. Friends. Surrounded my Dad, as a united force, helping to support him when I am sure he didn’t feel all that strong.
20+ years from diagnosis. My Dad is still living with no evidence of disease. That’s an official phrase I think the docs use when they are hesitant to boast “cured!”
I am confident my family would not have been able to survive as well as we did had we not had support of so many around us. See…what few recognize until your in the midst of crisis, like cancer, is its impact on the entire family. Yes, my Dad was diagnosed, but we were all profoundly affected by his diagnosis.
When crisis/tragedy/hardship/illness/etc presents itself in our life, we have a choice to allow it to destroy us, or strengthen us.
We choose. When people have asked me over the years, how did you get through it? How did your Dad get through it? One….I think there was divine intervention because truly somedays I am not even sure how he/we did. Two….we had a tremendous support team of family and friends. Not just present with us on transplant day, but praying, calling, and talking with us for the several years he was in treatment.
Sometimes when I write about the years my Dad was acutely sick, I think….it sounds so easy! We just prayed and remained positive. Simple. It wasn’t easy. Some days were terrifying! Most of all for my Dad. But I think, on those days, when it don’t come easy.…you need to rely on others to support you even more.
Flash forward, 15+ years later, my Dad’s niece, my cousin, is sitting at our Thanksgiving dinner table, awaiting to find some answers and hope for the “plan” for her. I could see in her similar emotions I saw on my Dad’s face as he awaited transplant. I looked around the room, and once again saw the similar emotions fill the faces and hearts of the same people who surrounded him all those years ago….all of us wanting to help, to “cure” her…and feeling helpless.
But we aren’t! Sure. We can’t cure her cancer. But…we can support, we can pray, we can research, we can babysit, we can cook, we can calm, we can call, we can write, we can visit, we can connect, we can be thankful…..for all the good that happens in tragedy. And be thankful for the gift of today.
That’s hard, right? We all want guarantees in life. No more so than when one is facing uncertainty because of disease. But truly, life offers no guarantees. We think it does, but I assure you, after all my years as an oncology and clinical social worker…life offers none of us tomorrow.
So how do we find a thankful heart, when we are hurting? That is really what it’s all about, isn’t it? Wow it’s so easy to be thankful when you have everything going well for you to be thankful. The challenge for all of us is to find ways to be thankful even when things aren’t going well.
…..learning to dance in the rain…..
During my Dad’s treatment, I was thankful to his medical team, to my professors who showed kindness and grace while I was in grad school and couldn’t get a paper in on time, to my family for helping to watch our son while I was in school or with my Dad, to Tracy- his donor, to our parish Priest who blessed my Dad and kept us all praying faithfully for his recovery, to my internship for cutting me slack when needed (thank you Gilda’s Club Metro Detroit), and for peace in my heart. I am sure, from God.
None of that changed that status of my Dad’s cancer. He was still stage IV, he still had to endure things we wish he didn’t have to endure….but in being thankful/grateful for the blessings in our life, we were able to support him and each other no matter what happened. While I can’t say that I’m “grateful” for cancer, I am “thankful” for the blessings we were able to realize despite or because of it.
My prayer for all of you reading this is to find a way, no matter what you are facing, to find peace in your reality, and strength in your journey. And always, always, be thankful for the gift of today.
Peace…….
(My cousin needs help. Prayers & Positive Thoughts. And if you are so inclined…donations as she has to travel to find options, and hope.)
peaceinthejourney 