2018. Be like the lobster.

When was the last time you outgrew your “shell“? When was the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable enough to break out of the old shell, to allow your new one to grow & take shape?

In yoga the other day, one of my favorite teachers shared this poignant analogy of lobsters outgrowing their shells, throughout their lifespan, exposing themselves to predators without their natural protective exterior, until a new shell grows.  It’s a natural part of the simple lobster life.  They don’t stay crammed in their ill-fitting shell, allowing their fears to keep them in a space that literally no longer fits them.  Rather, they break free from their old shell & allow space for a new one to grow that fits the new lobster they are becoming.  There is no over-thinking going on in this tiny lobster brain.  Rather, they just do it!  This simple creature seems to be doing it right…. & prompted this blog post.  Hopefully this resonates with others as we say goodbye to one year, and welcome another.

24 years ago I was entering my last semester at the University of Dayton.  While others were anxiously awaiting to learn the status of medical/law/grad school applications, or preparing resumes for their first “real” job, I was studying a booklet containing various mission/volunteer organizations from around the world & the US.  Yes, this was pre-internet era.

But where?  I was first drawn to Madagascar.  Why?  Admittedly, they had lemurs and they were & it was as exotic of a place & animal I had ever dared to imagine.  I also explored Sierra Leone, a small west coast African county where many UD students volunteered post college.  I felt myself outgrowing my shell, even if I didn’t how what the next one was going to look like or feel like. I was outgrowing the safe/predictable/ordinary path I had followed thus far in my life.  I wanted to go far far away….others wanted me to stay closer to home.  I recognized this internal conflict~the internal/true self & external image/ideals are not always in congruence.

My faith/gender/birth order/family dynamic/personality/zodiac sign/ethnicity/education or degree/occupation have all enabled me to be a “people pleaser.”  On the surface, this is an amazing quality, right?  Who doesn’t love to be around someone whose sole purpose in life is seemingly to make others around him/her feel better?  However, we “people pleasers” often operate with such intentions in direct conflict with our own desires/wants/goals being met.  The quality often set us up to ignore and/or turn away from the truths our internal self is feeling or knowing.  If we choose to continue to ignore or suppress the need for a new shell, eventually our body will let us know we need to pay attention….. I’m still learning.

How many times in your life have you felt your internal truth in conflict with what you felt the world wanted or expected you to do? 

For reasons I couldn’t have known & far too complicated & off-topic to explain in detail, my ultimate decision to choose a “safer” volunteer location in the US ended up being the right decision, at the time.  Within a year of my college graduation, my Dad was diagnosed with stage IV cancer, began several years of intensive treatment including 2 stem cell transplants.  Had I gone to Africa, the internal conflict would’ve been too much for me to endure, & somehow God or the Universe seemed to already know this to be true.  Home is where I needed to be.  My whole self.  At the time, both my internal/external self knew this to be true.

And yet…..deep down, that spark, to be something different, to chart my own path, the wanderlust inside me who wanted to see the world and show the world to others, lay dormant/silent for years.

Have you remained in your safe shell, quieting that inner-voice, at your own personal expense?  When are you going to allow internal truth to speak? 

While part of me understands growth and change is not a linear process, & circumstances necessitate we have some flexibility & often have to put pursuits on hold, I’ve become increasingly aware that confident/spirited 22-year-old girl somehow got lost along the way.  While I do not regret decisions I’ve made in life, for they have made me who I am, I do wonder what would’ve happened if I had the courage to make some differently along the way……

The young woman who walked across that stage at UD to accept her diploma from whomever it was giving them out at the time did not worry about:

• what others would think
• snakes/spiders/creepy crawlies
• how to get from point A to point B
• communication with the “outside world” – pre “cellphone” age too!
• much of anything…..

2018.  A new year.  Gives us the opportunity to re-set.  To clear out.  To re-group.  To plan.  To organize. And perhaps, gives us the opportunity to break out of our shell, allowing the space for our new one to emerge.

Who would you become, what would you do, what message is your internal self trying to tell you?  Are you listening?  Is it time to break out of your old shell?  Do you have the courage to do so?  Gather your tribe!  Or better yet, allow yourself to sit in solitude & trust God or the Universe or your internal guide will show you the way……..

I came across this quote years ago.  It has remained a guiding light in my life.

Becoming who we are truly meant to be, having the courage to be vulnerable and break out of our old shells is part of our journey towards finding inner peace.  When our internal and external self are more in congruence, it is in that space we are granted freedom to live fully without restrictions or regret or conflict.

Wishing all of you the courage/confidence/insight to break free from your 2017 (or 1993!) shells and find who you are truly meant to be…..I will be in the jungle in Costa Rica, practicing yoga/meditating/hiking and seeking….. embracing 2018 like an old friend who got lost along the way but was always inside me waiting to emerge.  Can’t wait to show the world this person- who in some ways is way “cooler” than the one the world has been seeing for far too long.

Interested in where the lobster story came from for my brilliant and insightful yoga teacher?  Watch this short video…..

Be the lobster!

Peace & All the Best for 2018!  Phew….we made it through another year…..

 

 

Time to go beyond the “Reef.”

(image courtesy of Disney studios……My oldest son informed me one can get in trouble for not stating where they got images from on the internet.  Yikes!  Will do going forward…..)

Have you seen Moana?  I highly suggest!

(When I started writing this blog post, it was still in theaters and admittedly this has sat in draft form for almost 2 months….significant in many ways & related to this post.)

Moana.  A strong female lead, beautiful animation, a great story of going beyond our perceived limits to see who we are truly meant to be, and music by Lin-Manuel Miranda! (aka “Hamilton!”)  The night before my oldest returned for college after a very long winter break, we created a new “New Year’s Eve” tradition, and went to a movie & Chinese food.  I’m hooked.  Might be a must-do going forward.

Moana.  The tale of a young girl who is soon to be Chief of her tribe, learning to, literally and figuratively, go beyond the reef to discover who she really is meant to be.  Should she leave the comfort and ease of her Polynesian island life to see what else is out there for her, or stay where she is safe and she is surrounded by all people & things she knows and trusts?

When I first saw the movie, I was focused on the character of Moana & her struggle, but as I reflected on it (and listened to the soundtrack, as it’s amazing) I recognized the power of the duality of the message in the film:  Moana, pushing herself “beyond the reef” to find who she is really meant to be, & The Chief (her Dad) struggling to let her go……

How many of can relate to “Moana?” Searching for her path. Searching for more meaning.  Searching for purpose. Searching for things and people to challenge you and help you to grow?  All awhile acknowledging a desire for roots?  How many struggle with realization of visceral fear of settling in life versus really living life?

How many of can relate to “the Chief?” Fully aware of the duality of a parental role of raising children strong enough to let them go & confident in their ability to thrive, yet on a primal level terrified of launching them into the life unknown?  Sending both messages of Go! Explore! Challenge yourself! Yet….. Don’t go too far!  Don’t be reckless in your exploration!  And Be careful and take loving care of yourself as you meet challenges known and yet to reveal themselves to you?

Many times in my own life, when I see patterns of messages reveal themselves from a myriad of directions, as if the Universe is telling me “Wake up!  This message is for you!”  While my journey may be different from those whom I am hearing the “message” from, the core meaning behind the message is a Universal Truth.

No matter our age, no matter our status in life…..until the very last breath we take on this earth….our JOURNEY is still unfolding.  And we may resist, we may ignore, we may try to deny…or we may embrace and just BE in the moment and allow yourself to follow what we already inherently know in the depths of our soul.  It is in the realization, that we are free. It is in sometimes going “beyond our reef” where we find our true selves.  Whether we are Moana or Chief, we cannot know what we are capable of if we stay in safety, in self or those we love around us.

Easy, right?  Oh I remember, when I was young, I thought at my age, (45, gulp!) I’d have it all figured out.  I thought yep, this is the end of the journey and life just is.  How incredibly wrong and naive I was.  I don’t even know where that concept came from, truthfully, I just remember thinking the wonder and curiosity in life was something that you had as a young person, and clearly some old 45+ year old person was void of that curiosity and wonder and had a life and that was all it was.  NOW, that I am in that decrepit age group, I realize, life is a constant journey of wonder and curiosity, unless we forget that it is.  And perhaps we “forget” when we become so set on staying “Inside the REEF” that we forget there is an entire world beyond?

For those of you reading who have college age or beyond (or soon to be college age) kids, I assure you this is such an interesting space to be in.  Terrifying yet fascinating.  Beautiful yet wrought with such an unpredictable pattern of highs and lows no amount of preparation or parenting books will ever be able to prepare you for what it feels like….. Yet all awhile you are in this space, you TOO are actually that person you are watching go through his/her own exploration beyond the reef.  Why did no one tell us this?  That while we are watching our own children go through their journey, we TOO are STILL figuring out ours?

Ok, have I terrified all of you reading yet?  Especially those who may not have children or have young ones?  Let me leave with a few amazing thoughts I have learned through this part of life’s journey…..

• It’s truly ok and wonderful….even in the midst of uncertainty…. just being in the moment and realizing most of what we experience in life is truly temporary and life has a way of working itself out if we let it.  Just be patient.  And may be say a few prayers or offer up some positive energy along the way….
• Sharing your own journey is one of the most liberating thing in life to do.  Both with your kids (college ones especially) and others.  Vulnerability has the amazing power to bond us to others.
• Not having all the answers and seeing a clear path is ok.  Share that with your young ones.  It is in the unknowing that we truly learn to live and see our path!
• No one has it ALL figured out.  No one has a PERFECT life.  No one is totally CONFIDENT all the time.  And it is in our struggle that we see our own STRENGTH.
• Staying in your comfort zone, will never bring you the growth you are meant to experience.  In life, growth and progress is beyond that REEF, not within in.

 

Would love to hear where your journey beyond the reef, perhaps for you or your journey in parenthood, continues to take you…..

Peace…..