I first heard this song a couple of years ago, and thought it was a romantic love song. Then it wasn’t.
My oldest son is leaving for college in a few short days. We are packing up 2 cars, and taking him to Chicago. I have been preparing for this his entire life, right?
Driving in the car the other day, I heard this familiar song. When I heard the lyrics this time, in the context of preparing for the transition for my son & for our entire home, the feel of the song completely changed for me. Tears flooded down my face & the song I happily (and loudly) sing along with whenever I hear it, I was no longer able to get through without sounding somewhat like a choking frog.
All the way…..
How can we honor the uncertainty that inherently exists in transition (like sending our child off to college) while resisting the urge to rush in & rescue a loved one from the lessons that are available during this time? For all of us who are getting ready to launch our children to college, this is such a tough transition, I have no doubt….but when I think of it, we’ve been really doing this for years. There have been countless firsts.
- Watching as they went from crawling to walking to running through our houses.
- Taking them to preschool or kindergarten and leaving them there, without us!
- Leaving them at their sport practices, while we rushed to Target to get our shopping in before pick up.
- Trusting their friend’s parents to care for them, for their first overnight.
- Making dinner on their own.
- Driving away in the car.
- Writing essays, applying for colleges, and eventually picking a University to attend.
Many, many, many more I am sure. And for the most part, they’ve been ok each and every time (God willing). Sure, there have been bumps and bruises along the way, but that is life. What would’ve happened if we were so afraid our child would fall down that we didn’t allow him/her to walk or run? My son is now taller and weighs more than me, I’m pretty sure I can’t carry him anymore! And truth is….by not allowing our child to face transition head on, we are not enabling him/her to reach his/her potential. Truth.
I think back to the times over my son’s life, desperately wanting to protect him from harm and heartache and realizing what every mother (and father) soon comes to understand…..we can’t. And we really shouldn’t. Sadness and fear and sorrow and tears and insecurities and…are all part of the human experience just as much as happiness and joy and laughter pride and……
Transitions happen. And while we can’t protect our children from all that the word means, we can do just as this song suggests and be there in the moment when he or she needs us, and continue to let them know we are there….All the way.
What can we do?
- FaceTime regularly
- Make sure he/she knows they can come home. Not that he/she needs to, but security is important in transition.
- Send care packages and get family/friends to do the same.
- Text/call/Facebook or whatever you can to let him/her know you’re right there with him/her in the journey of transition.
- Talk to your village. Gather your friends with some good food and good wine and lots of kleenex.
- Send notes.
- Every chance you get, let him/her know how proud you are.
- When you get the urge to fix or rescue or solve…don’t. Just listen. Just listen…..
In talking with my son today, I reminded him that sometimes it’s ok to feel sad or awkward or lonely or ….. and no matter what he’s feeling, it’ll pass and if he needs help in the transition, just like every single time in his 18 years, I will be right behind him….all the way…..Some of our greatest lessons and growth come from times of transition. We are meant, as humans, in my humble (and clinical) opinion to continue to grow and change and I for one ….as hard as this next few days and weeks and years are going to be….am going to do my best to truly embrace the uncertainty of transition and sit back as my son follows his dreams.
Truly…..to sit with a loved one & support him/her as he/she follows a dream is such a gift.
Amen…..
Peace…..
peaceinthejourney 