Advice on my son’s 18th.

My oldest turns 18 today.  How can that be, right?  Thoughts of EVERY parent I am certain.  I will try to not linger for too long in that trite trap of nostalgia, rather offer some words of advice for all those launching the nest soon…..

I remember holding my sweet child, who arrived into my world 3 days but what seemed like 3 years late.  He was perfect.  In that first moment he was laid on my chest and I looked into his beautiful eyes, I was in love.  Pure love.  I hoped he felt my love, I hoped he felt the love of God, I hoped he would have friends, and I hoped he knew how special he already was.  Simple.

18 years passes in such an instant, and in the stillness of the night, I worry sometimes that no matter how hard I tried to protect him from harm and hurt that i felt as I child, it still happened.  This by far has been the most difficult reality for me to come to peace with in my life.  As a parent, we would gladly take it all to spare our kids, but cannot.   Sometimes…..when I go in to tuck him into bed late at night….I can still see glimpses of that beautiful angelic baby face I fell in love with nearly 18 years ago.

I am not sure if he, or anyone reading this blog, will take any of my “advice” to heart, but in some small way I continue to hope my candor in my writing will bring peace in someone’s life who needs it.  When I say “I’ve been there”….I truly mean it.  As a teenager I made many decisions I regret, I struggled with depression and anxiety, and there were times I was not sure my being alive really mattered at all.

So when I say…I’ve been there, I truly mean it.  Thankfully I am here to write about it.

So in no apparent order, here is what I wish my 18 year old self knew…..

• Life is amazing.  Choose wisely what you do, where you go, and with whom you surround yourself.  And yes, college & beyond is so much better.
• If you want to backpack around Europe for awhile, do it!  I regret I never did, and once a mortgage and grad school and a child and ….. just do it!
• Take care of your body.  Only you have the ability to change what you don’t like, and learn to love what you cannot change.  I will never be taller than 5’3″.  And I learned to embrace it.
• Don’t overvalue people who undervalue you.  I spent years learning this.  300,000,000 some people in this country alone, if “friends” around you don’t treat you well….move on!  Don’t settle with people who don’t appreciate what you have to offer in their life.
• Don’t change to please others.  I admire my son for learning this early on….I wish I had his wisdom and sense of courage at the age he does…..and hope he never loses sight of his individuality, even if it means he has to lose some people in the process.  “Be who you are and say how you feel, those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”  Dr. Seuss.  Brilliant!
• Dream Big.
• Work hard.
• Make decisions as if it all matters.
• Find peace.  pray. meditate. find peace.  be still with your thoughts.
• Don’t burn bridges.
• Exercise.  Work through your problems or worries rather than burying them.
• Find people in life who like you for you, rather than convincing them to do so.
• Laugh.  Often and much.
• Cry…it’s why God created tear ducts for us.
• Don’t waste time eating bad food, drinking cheap drinks, or hanging out with toxic people.
• Today is called the present for a reason, it’s a gift….don’t waste a moment for tomorrow is never guaranteed for anyone.  Cherish every moment.
• Never, ever forget, most of all….you are loved.

My peace comes in knowing our human experience is something that is more universal rather than unique,  and while struggles are something we all wish we didn’t have to experience, they are what makes us who we are and perhaps allows us to show compassion for others on their journey.

So….happy birthday to my beautiful baby boy blue- and to all those who are out there in the world trying to find themselves….know that is part of the fun in the journey!

Peace……