A little delayed but the post-marathon funk has arrived.
I thought for sure I’d avoid this one as I’ve told myself I’m making the decision to have my 5th marathon be my last. After all, it was BERLIN! Kinda hard to top that one, right? But the funny thing is, it doesn’t “feel” like my choice and thus, the “post marathon funk” has firmly taken hold and I’m trying to figure out what the next step is for me. Continued thought of who am I if I am not a marathon runner training for another marathon?
Little history, not only was I NOT an athlete growing up, other than my short stint as a cheerleader and wanna-be-tennis player, but I firmly held on to the belief that I wasn’t good enough to be an athlete. I held tight to that belief in my early 20’s, and into my early 30’s. I would randomly go to the gym, only for the reason of wanting to lose a few pounds probably avoiding a few nights at the bar would’ve more easily enabled me to do. But….at some point, somewhere in the midst of my 30’s, I had this idea that I wanted to start running….. But this is what was in my head at first…..
All along, it was ME who was my worst enemy. Yes. True! While the negative messages that had been directed towards me through the years were still imbedded in my brain, it was ME who was choosing to accept those messages as truth. I allowed them to become part of who I was, am.
All messages we are given when we are younger we carry with us into adulthood. Positive and Negative. The negative ones, however, seem to reek havoc far beyond the original point of “hearing” and get stuck somewhere in the crevices of our brain. It is the negative messages, often, preventing us from living the life we are truly meant to lead.
So was learning I am an athlete really all that important in the grand scheme of life. Well, yes!
Pushing myself through training for my first half marathon, then first full marathon was a lesson of silencing the inner voice that told me I wasn’t fast enough, strong enough, or determined enough to run and finish a race.
Pushing myself through subsequent races (including my 5th full this fall), when I’m injured and in pain, showed me much more about the person I am; the strong, tenacious, determined & stubborn (oh, wait, I’ve LONG known I was this. I’m Polish/German/Czech and a Taurus…what did anyone expect?) than any experiences that perhaps were easier for me. I learned I have a great ability to SILENCE the inner voice that tells me I can’t do something. Necessary for running a full marathon when you have a piriformis syndrome in your right leg and pulled a calf muscle 8 days before the marathon in your left leg. Handy. I did it!
Overcoming struggles, hardships, and most importantly the inner demons or negative messages that float around in all of our heads is much more a testament to our individual ability to persevere and choose to be happy and peaceful and joyful than any sort of amazing gift. Trust me, nothing is further from the truth for me…rather confirmation that we truly can SILENCE the inner voice in our head that tells us we aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough or …..enough………
So it is ME. Who chooses to be happy, or not…..
I wish I had a clearer vision of where my journey is leading me. If I am not a marathon runner training for another marathon, then who am I? Maybe the lessons marathon running has taught me has started to prepare me for the next journey? Is there a competitive yoga contest somewhere?
No matter where I go, no matter what I do, I am grateful I learned if I want peace, if I want happiness….. it’s truly up to ME. Empowering!
A new fave quote…
“You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole- like the world, or the person you loved.” Stewart O’Nan
Peace…..
peaceinthejourney 