“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Soren Kierkegaard
I remember talking with a friend of mine in college who hated the degree he was pursuing. His parents were making him get his degree in engineering and he hated it. Although he was inclined to do well in the program, it wasn’t what he wanted to do. I remember thinking to myself how sad that was….to be going to college, to be studying for a career- your career- and you hating it. I felt blessed that my parents never questioned my decision to get my degree in psychology (and eventually my master’s in social work). I wonder, however, with the wisdom of now being the parent of a college bound son in 2 years, about the delicate balance between encouraging your child to do whatever he/she wants, and guiding them to something they can actually make enough money to live independently. That’s a challenge, right? Finding something we are really good at and something we can support ourselves at as well. I often wonder about my friend….did his parents make the right decision to continue to encourage him towards a career he vehemently hated studying knowing in the end, it would be the right path for him…..
For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a therapist. I took a psychology class in high school and I was fascinated by the complexity of human behavior. The “why’s” of human decisions and motivations has always been way more interesting to me than what people actually do. It’s not what happens so much in our life that matters, it’s what we choose to do with it. How do some people flourish from meager or “dysfunctional” beginnings, while others who appear to have everything they want in life, flounder? Fascinating to me….
Fast forward to today.
My oldest son comes out of school all excited. “Guess who came to visit our school today?”
Thoughts through my mind….
- Local professional athlete? No.
- Local musician? No.
- Politician. No….I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be excited about that, what was I thinking? Geez…
- Bishop? (He goes to Catholic school. It could happen.) No.
Hmmm? Who?
SCAD. Don’t know who (or maybe it’s really a what) SCAD is? Well then clearly you either don’t have an artistic child (or a child at all) or they’re too young to know….because I had NO idea until about a year ago. SCAD is also known as Savannah College of Art and Design. An elite art college- yes…art college- my son is really, really interested in attending. His art teacher, whom we adore, told us about it and said, and I quote “Oh, I know, it’s every parent’s worse nightmare to have his/her child say he/she wants to go to art school”….and a VERY expensive one at that. And WOW! was she right. It’s terrifying. The first thought is, oh my gosh I must be a grown up because I’m thinking…you guessed it…”Will he be able to make a living and support himself with a degree from an art school?”
How on earth did I get to be that person? I don’t want to be that mom!
From the time my son was little, he has always been drawing, creating. He loves art, he loves animation, he loves music, he is an artist. I remember his teacher in kindergarten telling us “Um, your son is drawing so much on his assignments, I can’t even read them to grade them.” They were literally covered with his drawings. We agreed he would only draw on the backs of his assignments, so she could at least grade the “work” he had done. Looking back, it seems counterintuitive to contain the artistic energy he has always possessed.
So in the moment today, I focused on my son. On his dreams. On his future. On his talents. I am so proud of the unique, sensitive, smart, and cool kid he is and happy he has an idea of what he wants to do his life.
What if the parents of the Beatles told their kids they should be scientists? Or what if the parents of Charles Schultz wanted him to go into the family business rather than create the Charlie Brown and Snoopy? Or what if the parents of Christian Dior wanted him to be a coal miner rather than a famous fashion designer? Or what if the parents of Yoshitoshi ABe wanted him to be a librarian rather than a famous anime artists (Ok, I had to look up this one because my son currently is really into Manga- a type of Japanese anime)? What would our lives- all of our lives- be without art?
Each day, we have a choice. To look at life through lenses of negativity, or choose to look at the wonder and the endless possibilities in life. I hope my 20-year-old self would be proud of the grown up person I’ve become- in remembering to support my child no matter what he wants to be.
And being an artist is just about the coolest thing I can think of anyway…..
“I would like to find a way to embrace what Led Zeppelin did, in filmmaking.” Nicholas Cage.
Maybe that’ll be my son? Finding a way to embrace what other truly brilliant artist have done in his own artistic genre?
Peace……
peaceinthejourney 