When people ask me: (1) why I run or (2) isn’t it cold or (3) how can I do run when it snows or (4) isn’t it boring or (5) why do you run again? The answer occurred to me yesterday….Want to guess where? Of course…running.
Ode to Running……
2013 has brought to me many challenges as a runner. Intertwined with my personal and professional life, running has been a place for me to process all the changes that have occurred over the past year, including but not limited to my career change & my husband in an intensive MBA program. As a runner, I’ve continued to struggle with chronic pain issues and the impact that has on my performance for races. Emotionally more than anything.
But what I’ve learned over this past year, is I’m strong. I am not fast. I am not proficient or graceful or amazing at running, but I’m determined and stubborn and strong as a runner (and yes, as a person.) Thank you running, for reminding me.
So, as my husband & I set out for a run together…WAIT! Stop the presses! We what? We rarely run together. And by rarely, I literally can count on one hand how many times we have run together over the past 8 years since I began this journey. But as the snow was starting to settle on our cold winter town, and the thought of our later day plans loomed (complete with dinner and drinks= calories galore!), the question was posed “Do you want me to run with you?” and I quickly, without much thought responded “yes.”
This may not seem like a momentous decision, but a major reason I don’t run with him is my insecurity with running slower. While I have run for longer than my husband, he is by far a better athlete and thus, the thought of running with him (or any other faster runner) instantly challenges my thoughts of myself as a runner and whether or not I am “worthy enough” to call myself a runner.
But 2013 has taught me that I don’t have to be the fastest runner to hang with the big kids. I’m grateful to my Dances with Dirt team (Ted, Walter, Hoff, and Mt. Gay) for pushing me to run my fastest times in a challenging course and being proud of me no matter what. With our very generous race handicap, we finished 88th out of 400some teams. Age/gender do have advantages, finally.
Somewhere in recesses of my mind, the confidence gained from that race experience allowed me to run Thanksgiving day with my new friend Stefanie, an uber fast and much younger runner, and be ok with the fact that on that day, I indeed was holding her back but the journey was in the run, not the destination. The pre-2013 running me would have declined the opportunity to run with her. What a shame, as it was one of the best conversations I’ve had in quite some time.
Finally, the pre-2013 running me wouldn’t sign up for a marathon if I knew I had to run it by myself. Silly, really, because here’s a not-so-secret thought…..in a marathon…. WE ALL RUN IT BY OURSELVES. No one can run it for you. So after running Marine Corps this year by myself (not by design….but by mass confusion) and without music because my headphones broke after 2 songs, I realized, I can run by myself. I don’t prefer it but I can do it. 2014, I will be running the Berlin Marathon. While I will not none of my running friends by my side, the 20+ people I’ve inspired to run a full or half marathon (yes, Tanya I did count in my head) will be with me in spirit and help me continue on when I want to quit….or think “am I really a runner?”
So on that snowy run….I found a gentle smile growing across my face. The cold air, the slippery snow, the slower pace…none of it bothered me as I was, for the first time in a while, able to really, truly, embrace the moment and find peace….in my wintery journey….
Love….this quote “It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” Ernest Hemingway.
Peace…and happy running or whatever you find yourself doing on your journey today….
peaceinthejourney 