Over 2 weeks have gone by since I wrote a single word on my blog. 2 weeks. Longest hiatus in over a year. Pre-marathon anxiety followed by post marathon blues don’t make for very inspirational or peace-filled prophetic thoughts.
After over 2 years off from running a full marathon, I was able to complete the Marine Corps Marathon in DC. While the experience was filled with such wonderful memories as:
- Visiting with my sorority sister and her new husband (and getting a tour of the Pentagon)
- Seeing the archives of our great country
- Having dinner with our former neighbors
- Eating some terrific food and cooking dinner together with wonderful friends (wait. Did I do anything other than eat?)
- Being able to run a marathon course surrounded by the Marines!
- Toasting one more race in the books with fellow runners…the best!
Yet, I am filled with frustration……
A friend of mine sent this to me prior to the marathon, and it was oh-so-fitting for race day…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ItnxJLAOeY
The Marines were awesome. I have never heard “Yes, ma’am” sound as lovely as it did race day, and I must have heard it 100 times. The course was beautiful. The day was perfect for racing, no rain at all. Yay! The crowd support was unbelievable…. and the reminders of the fallen and brave soldiers were everywhere. I would highly recommend MCM to anyone looking to run a marathon. And I completed the 26.7ish miles (yes, it is ALWAYS 26.2 miles for a marathon but my Garmin registered closer to 27miles…details. details…) And receiving your finisher’s medal from a marine who salutes you, I cannot even describe in words the experience. I won’t even try.
So why am I left feeling so melancholy?
I’m proud of myself in an existential way of completing a marathon, but so frustrated that I’m slow. And my injury (piriformis syndrome) persists. No matter how much I spend in massage therapy or no matter how much I stretch the muscle, I’m not without pain ever and I can’t seem to increase my speed with any sort of significance.
I’m frustrated.
And feel really small even mentioning. In “theory” I know the important thing is that I attempted to do a marathon, followed by finishing and understand less than 1% of the world’s population finishes a marathon….but in actuality I’m tired of being slow and injured. And for the moment, that consumes my thoughts.
I’m tired of being the cheerleader. I want to be the one who runs a GREAT race. I want to be the one who is able to decrease her time. Is that small of me?
I don’t like being on the end of the stick of needing support or encouragement. I like (by nature of being a social worker) being the one who does the encouraging and supporting….but with my fourth finish and a somewhat mediocre one at that, I really needed to accept support this time. I dislike every painful minute of needing encouragement.
My best friend sent me the most lovely text yesterday…..responding to my frustration about my performance….
“humans haven’t found a way to measure what’s important. They use numbers because they’re unimaginative.”
I love you Erin….and am so thankful God sent you in my life. Thank you for helping me to focus, and one day believe (just like the weight on my scale) I am more than just the weight I read in numbers, and more than my marathon finishing time.
On Facebook, I follow RUNinspiration. Yesterday, I read the following….
“comparison is hurtful. Run YOUR miles at YOUR speed. Run YOUR race; run for YOUR reasons. Do not compare yourself or your running to anyone else’s. Be inspired by others; let their passion for running fuel your desire–Do not let it make you feel less than or doubtful. It’s you vs you. And your miles, your reasons, your pace….they matter. YOU are an inspired runner. Keep running.”
My friend and fellow running coach Dave (also my spiritual big brother) reminded me he had said these very similar words to me a month or so ago…..
Sigh……
I don’t feel peaceful. I don’t feel settled. I don’t feel joyous in my accomplishment. But I believe with the blessing of great friends, and my love for running, I will one day soon get there….
Think tomorrow, I’ll start my day again with a run……
Peace, and happy running……
peaceinthejourney 
I think you just told my story. I feel like I have to explain my time to people. I know in my heart based on my training if I were given any other day to run, I would have received the ‘number’ I wanted. I have been trying to come to terms with my injury (same as yours) which I felt more than ever on the day of the MCM. I just keep telling myself that I did all my training runs having to sort it out in my head. No one else did that for me and no one else ran the MCM. There are so many things to think about with the MCM. Getting up early, walking in the cold a long distance and waiting, and waiting, and waiting!! Plus, once you get into a groove running with all those other runners it’s hard to get your hips moving to how you want them to move.
Thank you so much for sharing. Isn’t it frustrating? The important thing is we had the courage to try!
What did you think of the race overall?
Peace, Michelle